Oh Baby Baby
by beckaboowriter42
Summary: Alice Cullen's world is turned upside down when she finds out she is pregnant with Jasper, her fiancee's, baby. Will things ever recover, and go back to how they should be? Or is the love between them gone forever? Story is all human, present day. Enjoy
1. Plus is a Negative Symbol

**Hello! This is my first Twilight fan fic on here. I hope you like it! I am working on re-editing and polishing these chapters as I can, so you might notice some changes as we go along. Read along and send me a comment!**

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~~~Alice~~~**

The time was exactly 5:27 PM when my entire world crashed down.

It was now 6:12. I was in the same spot as before, seated on the tile floor of the bathroom. The door was closed and locked. Scattered around me were the remains of the boxes of three pregnancy tests. In my lap lay the results: three little pink plus signs.

My face was damp from tears and stinging from the continual stream of tissues I rubbed against it. My eyes felt puffy and sore from crying. Beside me lay a box of tissues that I had used to wipe my eyes, nose, and, after vomiting, my mouth. My hands shook as I reached for another tissue, rubbing it across the reddened, raw skin of my nose. I added it to the ever-growing, monstrous pile of used tissues on the floor.

I dropped my head back against the cool tile wall with a _thud_. Willing myself to gain control, I concentrated on my breathing. _Yoga fire breaths,_ I told myself. _Yoga fire breaths._ It did little to help.

To my horror, I heard the front door open, and then close with a slight _bang_.

Oh God. Jasper was home.

"Alice!" His voice rang clearly throughout the apartment. I shuddered and tried to suck air into my lungs. I couldn't will a response.

"Alice?" He called again. A twinge of concern colored his voice at my lack of response.

_Come on Alice,_ I internally begged. _Get it together. NOW!  
_

I took in three more deep yoga breaths before calling out.

"I'm in the bathroom, Jazz," I said, attempting to keep my voice steady.

My failure was evident by the way Jasper's footsteps hurriedly approached the bathroom. He tried the handle, but it wouldn't budge.

"Alice, please, unlock the door." His fist tapped softly against the wood. "What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing is wrong, Jasper." I stammered. "I just don't feel too good,"

As I spoke, I crammed the pregnancy tests back into the small brown paper bag. Hurriedly, I scooped the remaining signs of my break down into the small trashcan, forcing the soggy tissues into the confined space.

"You were never a good liar, Love," he teased.

Even through the joke, I could hear the honest concern and worry in his voice. My stomach twisted sickeningly – I hated that I was hurting him. For a moment, I was sure I was going to vomit once more.

The fact that he cared, that he was worried, made it all worse. How could I be doing this to him – to someone so wonderful and perfect? He wasn't ready for a baby, neither of us were.

We had always been so careful! It didn't make any sense.

I attempted to calm myself with a few more inhalations of air and folded the brown bag shut. Slowly, I opened the door. I kept my eyes down, away from his penetrating gaze.

"Alice? What is going on? What happened? Please, tell me."

The panic in his voice wrenched at my heart. I stepped forward, closing the small space between my fiancée and myself. I wrapped my arms shakily around his torso. Pressing my face into his chest, new sobs erupted, despite the promise I had made to myself to not shed a tear about this in front of him.

"Alice, love, please," he begged. "Please, tell me what's going on."

I merely shook my head, choking against the sobs I was fighting. He pressed me into him, holding me tight.

His burning desire to have an explanation was practically radiating off of him, but he would not force me to speak if I didn't want to. I knew he wouldn't.

The paper bag crinkled in my hand as I quaked. Little did he know that inside that bag was the answer to what was coming, our death sentence. Little did he know that this would be the one thing that would drive him over the edge, and realize that I wasn't worth the trouble. Little did he know that, inside that bag, was the one result that would open his eyes and make him see how much of a little freak I was… and how much he didn't want me. My stomach churned again, and I pressed myself into him even closer.

His hands rubbed soothingly up and down my back, sending out electric sparks through my body with each little movement.

"Look, I can cancel the meeting for tomorrow, and stay home, alright? Whatever is going on here, we can sort this out. I prom-" he said, but I cut him off.

"No, Jazz." I choked out. I released my hold around his waist and wiped my hand across my nose. I didn't bother to care how unattractive my movement was. "Don't. Really, I'm fine. Don't cancel the meeting, it is really important."

"Not as important as you, Love."

I sucked in a shaky breath and shut my eyes to the stinging tears.

"Yes, as important as me. More so," I said stubbornly. He released a throaty grumble at that. "You are going to that meeting."

He stood stock still for a moment looking down at me, concern filling his entire face.

"Are you sure?"

I gave a weak sort of smile.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I slid past him, and started to head for the bedroom down the hall.

"Alice, don't you want dinner?" he said as I started to walk away, and I turned back to face him.

"No, I'm not hungry."

This wasn't true. My stomach, fully emptied, was practically snarling for food. I knew, however, that in my state, I wouldn't be able to keep anything down.

As I started to turn away again, he quickly asked, "What's in the bag?"

I stalled for a moment before breaking my gaze from his. I told him as much truth as I could.

"Oh, nothing. Just… girl items."

He nodded, his face still frozen into a mask of worry and love that made me feel sick as I entered our bedroom. I shut the door quietly behind me.

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**Well, there is chapter one! Hope you liked it! This is, I believe, my shortest chapter. They absolutely grow as we go along, so don't worry too much about length, my dear. :) Comment, and tell me what you think!**

**xoxo**


	2. Confessing

**Thank you so much to Miss Reason and Mickey123- my first two reviewers! You have no idea how much it means to see that you appreciate my work. Thank you! This chapter is for you guys!**

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****~~~Jasper~~~**

I had called the house phone, but the only sign of her I had received was her recorded voice on the machine. This was not highly unusual for Alice; she quite often would let me machine get it so she wouldn't have to leave her position in front of a fashion magazine. That woman was as addicted to fashion as some were to heroin. She couldn't cut back; she couldn't let go, not that I minded. She was by far the most beautiful and charming creature that I had ever met, and not even her obsession with fashion would create the slightest crease in the love I had for her.

It was around 6:15 when I finally opened the door to our Portland apartment, closing it quickly behind me. I crossed to the living room, expecting got see her curled up, a blanket over her lap, a pad of sticky notes marking different pages in the thick magazine. The couch, however, was deserted.

"Alice," I called.

My ears were greeted by silence.

"Alice?" I felt a twinge of anxiety. It was not like her to not be out here – even more unusual for her to not respond.

"I'm in the bathroom, Jazz," I heard her say.

It felt as if acid had slid down my throat. Her voice was thick with tears, and hoarse from crying. Hurriedly, I threw my items on the couch, and made my way to the bathroom. When my hand twisted the metal handle, the door didn't budge.

"Alice, please, unlock the door," I called in to her. She remained silent as I padded my knuckles against the door. "What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing is wrong, Jasper. I just don't feel too good." As she spoke, I heard her rustling things around, the crunching of paper. What on earth was she doing?

"You were never a good liar, Love," I teased, standing directly in front of the door. My insides were churning with panic and fear and, as hard as I tried to hide it, my voice was thick with nervousness.

How bad could it be? My mind started to spin in a million different directions, all the horrible possibilities flooding into my mind. Had someone broken in and hurt her? There wasn't any sign of damage around the apartment… Then what? Had I done something to break her like this, to hurt her this badly?

I heard the lock turn, and the door opened. I looked down at her, expecting to see her dark eyes looking back at me, but her face was turned away, avoiding my gaze. A new wave of nausea and fear slammed into me as I noticed her small frame was quaking.

"Alice? What is going on? What happened? Please, tell me." I could hear the panic in my voice, and I was sure she could as well.

Alice took a small step forward, and wrapped her willowy arms around my waist, breaking into a round of sobs. I was shocked. Alice was always to strong-willed. I had seen her cry, of course, but it was a rarity; only when complete tragedy struck. In her left hand was an unexplained brown paper bag. For the moment, I figured I could wait to find out what was inside.

"Alice, love, please," I begged. "Please, tell me what's going on."

I felt her shake her head as she continued to sob into my chest. Unsure at to what else I should have done, I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, and pulled her into me tightly, feeling the tremors that were exploding from her, the warm tears seeping through my shirt.

I wanted – no – I _needed_ to know. I needed to know who had done this to my angel, the one thing that I would protect no matter what, the love of my life. Through her shaking and fear, I could feel her reluctance and resolve. She wouldn't have told me, not then. All I could do was clutch to her shaking body and hold her tight.

"Look, I can cancel the meeting for tomorrow, and stay home, alright? Whatever is going on here, we can sort this out. I prom-"

"No, Jazz," She warbled. She dropped her arms from around me and pulled out from my grasp. She paused to wipe her knuckle beneath her nose and I felt my heart soften. _God I love this girl._

"Don't. Really, I'm fine. Don't cancel the meeting, it is really important."

Her words snapped me back to attention.

"Not as important as you, Love." My brow furrowed as my words caused more tears to seep from the corners of her eyes.

"Yes, as important as me. More so."

_Silly girl_, I thought. _Nothing is even close to being as important as you._ All the same, I knew there was no changing her mind. Air blew from beneath my teeth as I raked a hand through my golden curls.

"You are going to that meeting," She stated, forcing her voice to sound firm.

For a moment I was torn, and looked down at her beautiful face. It was deathly white against her short dark hair.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," she told me. Avoiding any further contact with me, she wriggled her way into the hall.

"Alice, don't you want dinner?" I called after her in a desperate attempt to keep her with me. She turned back to face me.

"No, I'm not hungry."

She began to turn again.

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "What's in the bag?"

She froze mid-step, and turned slowly to look at me. Her eyes locked with mine as a few seconds slithered past. Finally she dropped her eyes from mine and spoke.

"Oh, nothing. Just… girl items." With that she turned away again, and went into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

The night passed slowly. I ate a small portion of pasta. When I entered the bedroom, her dinner in hand, she was already asleep. Her small was figure curled up on top of the covers. She was still fully dressed, shoes and all. I crossed over to her and quietly set the plate on the bedside table. As delicately as I could, I slipped the shoes off of her feet. Pausing to brush my lips against her forehead, I took her delicate frame into my arms, pulling back the covers.

She murmured something against the smooth skin on my neck. For a moment I thought she was awake, until she murmured it again, sighed, and returned to her steady breathing. As I placed her delicate form on the bed, she spoke the four words that were able to set my heart on fire, as they had from the very first time she uttered them.

"I love you, Jazz."

I leaned down over her, and pressed my lips to her soft pink ones. "I love you too, Alice. I love you too."

**~~~Alice~~~**

When I woke up, I was still dressed in my jeans and sweater, although my shoes had been removed. I rolled over, expecting to see Jasper beside me, but his portion of the bed was deserted. Panic shot through me for a moment, until I caught sight of a small note placed on his pillow.

_Alice, love,_

_I didn't want to wake you. I love you. See you tonight._

_Love, J_

I read the note three times over, waiting for my thundering heart to steady itself, before slowly standing up and stretching. Leaving the room, I shuffled to the bathroom.

I caught sight of my reflection with a groan. My face was pallid; I looked tired and worn. My eyes were still slightly red and puffy, a reminder of last night's tears. My usually spiky hair hung lank and limp around my face, pushed back awkwardly with a couple of hair clips I had put in, in case of more vomiting. Thankfully, Jasper had not been here to experience that moment of distress; he would be even more worried… if that was possible.

Noting the stiff pain in the muscles of my back, I yanked off my clothes. I cranked the shower to a scalding temperature. Stepping in, I let the water redden my skin with its heat. After washing up slowly, I stepped out of the shower and dried off, blow-drying my hair quickly. I didn't bother to style it as usual; there was no one to impress other than myself. As I very well knew, a decent hair day would do little to improve my mood.

I meandered my way to the bedroom. Reaching the dresser, I tugged out one of the drawers and began to dig for my clothes. For once I tugged out something comfortable as opposed to my usual high fashion. I slipped into an old pair of jeans, a plain brown t-shirt, and one of Jasper's warm, cozy sweatshirts, which hung down past my waist, landing mid-thigh.

Finished dressing, I flopped back onto the bed. My mind was whirring, weighing my different options.

Abortion was the most reasonable path, but the thought disgusted me. This was _Jasper's_ baby. Could I really bring myself to kill the miniscule life inside of me, I wondered.

No matter which way I sliced this, I knew that I had to tell someone.

My first thought was of Esme – but no, I wasn't ready to tell my mother…

Who would be able to keep it quiet, and stay relatively calm? After a few more minutes of thought, my mind settled on Bella.

I forced my legs to support me as I walked to the phone. As I dialed, I tried to ignore the way that my kneecaps were twitching with nerves. _Control, Alice, _I told myself. _You have to calm down. Just calm down._

I picked up the phone with a shaking hand. After two rings, I heard Bella's voice chimed across the line.

"Hello?" Her voice was easy and soothing. I knew I had made the right choice in calling her.

"Hey, Bella. It's me." My voice was shaking again. I could feel the chocking tears beginning to build once more.

Bella picked up on my tone immediately. When she spoke, concern colored her melodious voice.

"Alice? What is it? What's wrong? Are you two alright?" Her words were panicked and hurried, just like Jasper's last night.

"Jasper is fine," I said, trying to stay honest. I was careful to avoid mentioning my own well being. I was verging on insanity. "Can I come over? I need to talk to you about something."

"Of course, sweetheart. Do you want me to come and get you?"

She could hear the tears in my voice, and I could hear the blatant, honest concern in hers. Her blatant, levelheaded mannerisms were comforting to the panic that was ripping through my nervous system.

The compassion in her voice yanked Jasper's worried eyes into the forefront of my mind once more. I was barely able to swallow the sobs building. I shook my head before realizing that she couldn't see me.

"No, no. It's all right. I'll be there soon," I gasped out. Still sounding unsure, Bella agreed ad hung up.

I slipped on a pair of Toms and grabbed my keys. I locked the apartment door behind me and headed down quickly to the garage.

The white Mini Cooper Jasper had purchased for me got me to Bella and Edward's shared apartment in less that 10 minutes. I yanked the enormous hood of the sweatshirt over my head to protect me from the light rain as I dashed towards the apartment complex.

I rang the bell, and Bella immediately buzzed me in. She met me at the door of her apartment, and ushered me inside, her chocolate-brown eyes swimming in concern. My current apparel caused her eyes to widen in surprise before she forced her face to resume its calm mask. I appreciated the effort.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Bella asked as she led me in to the kitchen.

I merely shook my head. Her face was twisted into a look of concern and worry as I seated myself on the stool by the breakfast bar in their kitchen. She ignored my refusal of any drink, and poured two mugs of hot water, placing a tea bag in each. She pushed one across the counter to me, and then seated herself beside me.

I wrapped my diminutive hands around the heat and focused on pulling the tea bag in and out of the water. Bella's gaze was boring into the side of my head as the tea released dark gold swirls into the steaming water.

"Alice, what's wrong?" Bella's voice was no more than a murmur. I kept my eyes locked on the mug in front of me. I could feel the minutes passing by and Bella's growing agitation.

I couldn't bring myself to say it. It would all be so much more… real.

"Alice," she started. "For the love of all that is holy, would you please stop sitting there silently, and tell me what on earth it going on?"

I opened my mouth to speak. A garbled sob chocked out. Tears began to pour readily from my eyes. Bella silently encircled my figure with her arms, cooing and shushing me as I sobbed.

Eventually I was able to begin speaking; all the thoughts, all the worries and concerns, all the regrets and apologies that had been swarming my mind began to tumble out uncontrollably.

"I am so sorry, Bella. Please, don't be mad at me, or think that we weren't careful or anything, because we were. I swear to God, we really were. It's just, sometimes things happen, and you don't mean for them to, and I don't know what I can do to fix it! It all seems like-"

I froze when I saw Bella's expression. Her eyes were wide and sparkling, and her mouth was open slightly as she stared at me, shocked.

"Alice, are you…" She trailed off, and I nodded.

I took a deep breath, shut my eyes, and very quietly whispered the two words. "I'm pregnant."

There was silence for a moment. When I opened my eyes, I saw a huge grin dancing across her face.

"Pregnant? Like _pregnant_ pregnant?" She shrieked.

I nodded again, and then almost fell off of the stool as she squashed me closer to her. Her excitement disconcerted me enough to halt the flow of tears. A knee-jerk reaction caused me to hug her back. For a moment, a glimmer of hope appeared before me.

"Oh my gosh, Alice! That is _nothing _to cry about! This is amazing, sweetheart. Don't you worry about anything. This is so exciting! A little baby Alice or Jazz! And Jasper must be so excited!"

Her words suffocated the hope as soon as it began to blossom. _Jasper… _My tears began to flow again. Bella quieted and froze.

I merely shook my head, and began to cry harder.

"He's not happy?" Bella gasped. I shook my head again.

"He… doesn't… know," I said between sobs and small gulps of air. Bella pulled back, and placed a hand beneath my chin, raising my eyes to hers.

"Alice, believe me when I say that you will be a wonderful mom. And Jazz will be a great dad. He is going to be ecstatic. Trust me."

I mopped at my eyes with the sleeve of the sweatshirt and slowly began to reel in my tears.

"That's the thing, Bella," I moaned. "He won't be. He isn't ready for a baby, and neither am I. When he finds out, he is going to freak out." I could feel my panic rising once more. My words began to tumble out, waves of fear whirling around me. "What if it makes him realize that I'm not worth it? I mean, a _baby_? He is going to leave me, rather than put up with a baby. And what would I-"

My words were cut off by Bella's hand, which she had clamped firmly over my mouth.

"You sound like me. Cut it out. Jasper loves you. He will _always_ love you, Alice. You know that. Don't let this get in your head. Do you really think that there is even the slightest chance that I would let anything happen to you? If Jasper came even close to leaving you, you know Rose, Emmet, Edward and I would all have his throat. He is never going to leave you. I promise you that."

She took her hand off my mouth. Silently, Bella pulled me back into her tight embrace.

"The only one in danger of losing their man is me," she grumbled into my ear as she hugged me.

I laughed slightly, and returned the hug. Bella pulled back and I turned back to the mug of tea in front of me.

"I have to tell him, don't I?"

Bella smirked slightly as she nodded.

"Well, you either tell him you are pregnant or you fake a very large tumor in your stomach or something. Or just say that you are done working out and are totally fine with being fat."

I chuckled and mopped my eyes once more.

"Will you come with me? For when I tell him?"

I didn't want to do this alone.

She hesitated for a moment before smiling.

"Of course. Do you want to head back to your place?"

I nodded. "Sure. Go get dressed."

Bella was still dressed in plaid pajama pants and a t-shirt. As she trotted down to her bedroom, I poured out teas into two travel mugs, and set them on the counter, taking small sips of mine.

I knew she was right, of course. I had to tell him; there was no way of hiding this from him. I sat, staring at the mug in my hand, trying to configure the best way to tell him. My mind was blank. After a few minutes, Bella came out, dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a thick tan sweater. She held a brown coat in one hand, her cell phone in the other.

"Alright, let's take your car," she said as she walked towards me.

I stood and, for a moment, my legs trembled.

Bella narrowed her eyes slightly.

"I'll drive," she stated.

I nodded silently and tossed her the keys; they clattered to the floor. She chuckled, bent to pick them up and led me out of the apartment.

We were back at my apartment in no time. The rest of the afternoon plodded by as we sat, pouring over lists of what needed to be done. Bella insisted that we tell Rosalie and I complied. Rose had offered to come over as well, but I didn't want this to turn into a bigger thing than it already was. Jasper didn't need an entire estrogen party happening in his house when he found out.

Although she didn't join us, Rosalie insisted on helping. She was by far the most experienced in this sort of thing; she had, after all, been pregnant just over a year ago. The baby hadn't made it; the heart stopped around 6 months into the pregnancy. She was, however, a step ahead of Bella or myself. Rose at least knew what vitamins to take, which doctors were good.

By six thirty, I was curled up on the couch, looking over the latest issue of Vogue, my customary pad of sticky notes beside me, marking ideas for what would be good for the fashion boutique Rose and I co-owned. On the other end of the couch, Bella was sitting, a copy of Jane Eyre open in her lap. Just as Bella licked her finger and went to turn the page, the door to the apartment opened, shut, and Jasper entered the living room.

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**Alright everyone, there is chapter two! Chapter three is ready to go, and it is pretty darn awesome. So, go ahead and comment on this, and add it as a favorite! Once I have some more comments, I will post! **

**Thanks again to the fabulous people who have commented on this so far. You guys rock.**

**xoxo  
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	3. Hurt and Heartbroken

**Giving you all an early chapter; I couldn't resist the begs and pleads I got, so here you go.**

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JPOV

My eyes darted up from the essay on my desk to see Kyle Bradford once again leaning over to mutter something to his neighbor.

"Bradford," I barked out, and his head shot up, meeting mine. "Stay after class."

Kyle groaned, and cast me a dirty look. I raised my eyebrows as if to say, "You cheat and _I _am the bad one?"

Twenty-two minutes later, the bell finally rang, and the students plopped the think tests onto my desk as they filed out of the room. Bradford glared at me as I sat behind my desk, writing a large red D on the top of the essay I had been reading. I looked up at him.

"So, Mr. Bradford, what exactly were you and your friend discussing?"

"I wasn't cheating," he mumbled; the way he avoided my eyes was a dead give-away.

"I don't believe you, Bradford. Look, I don't want you to fail this class, I really don't. You need to put in the effort, though. You rarely do your homework, and when you do, it is less than satisfactory." I tossed the newly graded paper down onto the desk in front of him. It was his, and the D stood out like a neon sign on the white paper. "If you need tutoring, just-"

"Whatever," he said, snatching the essay off the desk, and storming out of the room. I shook my head and sighed as I gathered up my papers.

"God, I hate this class," I muttered as I walked out the door, shutting off the lights behind me. I was a new teacher at the local college; this was only my second term, and by far the worst class I had ever seen.

Pushing these thoughts out of my mind, I began to think of Alice again. She had infiltrated my thoughts even more than usual today, and I felt a sick feeling in my stomach the entire drive home, worried that she would be in the middle of another melt down when I arrived.

Luckily, when I entered the living room, there she was, Vogue in her lap, stinky notes by her side. To my surprise, Bella was there as well, and it was her who looked up at me and gave a smile when I entered the room. Slowly, Alice turned her face up to look at me, but there was no smile. Her eyes were red; she had been crying again.

The two remained silent as I set down my briefcase, and removed my jacket, tossing them on to a chair. Alice, avoiding my gaze, closed the thick magazine, and scooted over to Bella, who immediately took Alice's hand, and clasped it tightly.

"Jazz, Alice needs to tell you something," Bella said as I stared, confused, at the two of them. I walked over, and seated myself on the low coffee table in front of them, setting my keys beside me on the table. I watched, panic once again taking hold, as tears welled up in Alice's eyes, and spilled over onto her cheeks. Bella gave her a slight nudge, and my angel looked up, finally meeting my eyes.

"Jazz, before I tell you anything, I want you to know that I love you, and I always will. Please, just promise me that you will still love me no matter what."

I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my head slightly. "Of course I love you, Alice. You know that." What could she have done that made her so worried about losing my love?

After a few moments, and a deep breath, she spoke again. "I don't know how it happened, Jazz. I didn't mean for it to, and I swear, I didn't do this on purpose. It's just that, well, I am…" she trailed off, and looked at Bella, who wrapped her arm around Alice, and gave a slight smile to encourage her. "It's just, I'm… Jazz…" She reached across and intertwined her delicate fingers with mine, and squeezed my hand. "I'm pregnant, Jasper."

For a moment, I didn't move; couldn't move. The word "pregnant" didn't even register with my mind for a moment, but then it hit me. Pregnant. A baby was inside of her smooth stomach. She was pregnant with my child. I… We had a child.

"No," I said, my mind spinning, but not registering what I was saying. The words just spilled out. "No, no, you can't be. You're not. No way. We were careful. It's not possible." I pulled my hand away from hers, and she drew back slightly, eyes wide with fear and panic, tears streaking down her cheeks.

"Yes, Jazz, I am. I am absolutely positive," she said quietly.

I looked to Bella, and she nodded, confirming the fact. Without thinking, I stood, and grabbed my keys off the table, pushing past the shocked Bella, and the softly crying Alice.

"Wait, Jazz, wait!" Alice had stood up, and her tiny form was chasing after me. She caught hold of my arm as I grabbed my coat. My mind was blank, and I couldn't stop myself from pulling out of her grasp, slipping the coat on quickly.

"Jazz, please, don't do this," she whispered, and for a moment I froze, staring and her shaking form, her tear-soaked face. Then, unable to stop myself, completely shocked by her words and my actions, I pushed past her, racing past the frozen Bella, and out of the apartment.

APOV

"Wait, Jazz, wait!" I said hurriedly, watching in horror as he went away from me, towards his coat, his keys already clutched in his hand. I hurried forward, and caught hold of his arm, but he was too strong, and broke my hold easily, slipping on his coat.

I had promised my self that, no matter what, I would keep my dignity, my pride; that I wouldn't beg. All of those promises fled my mind as I watched him put on his coat, leaving me. "Jazz," my voice as deathly quiet, and shook with tears and panic. "Please, don't do this." I looked up at his beautiful face, begging him with my eyes to not leave me. He looked at me for a moment, his eyes blank, before pushing past me. I let myself sink to the ground, shaking with tears. I heard the door slam shut, and I lost it completely. I lay on the ground, and I heard a scream of absolute agony; I was surprised to realize it came from me. After a few minutes, I felt Bella beside me, and shifted so my head rested against her chest. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close as I soaked her shirt with tears. When I finally quieted, I looked up at her, surprised to see that her cheeks were wet with tears.

"Do you want me to call Rose?" she asked, and I nodded softly.

Bella stood, and pulled me to my feet, wrapping an arm securely around my waist to hold me up. She walked me to the bedroom, and I lay on the bed as she dialed Rose's number.

"Rose, it's Bella. I need you to come over," she spoke into the phone, her voice still shaking with tears. There was a pause as Rose spoke; I could barely hear her panicky tones floating through the receiver. "Rose, I don't have time. Yes, I am alright. I'm at Jasper's; Alice needs you. Just get over here." I could tell during this pause that Rose was demanding to know what was going on. Bella rose from the bed, and left the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

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**A huge thank you to absolutely everyone who has added this as a favorite, and added me to their author update lists. The overwhelming number of people who have added this story to their favorites list is amazing. So, thank you to all of you.  
A special thanks to my comment-leaving readers: chrisso, MisCarlisleCullen94, Yum Min, Mickey, and Miss Reason. All of your comments absolutely make my day. Thank you.  
Please do comment! Although adding me to your favorite list is SUPER AMAZING, getting reviews from you makes me absolutely jump with joy and click my heels. I hope to hear more from you all soon!**

**xoxo  
**


	4. Leaving Love Behind

**Alright, so I was going to make you all wait a little longer, but I couldn't resist finishing up this chapter and posting it. So, here you go. Enjoy!**

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**Rosalie POV**

"Bella, what the hell is going on?" I demanded.

"Ok, I am going to make this quick, so don't interrupt. I will explain everything better when you get here."

"Yeah, yeah, alright. Just tell me."

"Long story short, Alice is accidentally pregnant," she began.

"Yeah, I already knew-"

"Don't interrupt! Alice is pregnant from Jasper; she just found out last night. I convinced her to tell Jasper, and he sort of freaked out, and well... he left."

After a long pause, I stammered out the words, "What do you mean _left_?"

"I mean he left her, Rose. He is gone. She started crying as she told him, and he just got up and got his coat and keys, and left."

There was silence for a few moments, except for the noises of me gathering my items so I could head over. "Where is she now?" I finally asked.

"In the bedroom. Crying."

"Start packing her bags. I'll be there soon."

"Alright. Love you, Rose. See you soon." With that, she hung up, and I stuffed the phone into my bag. I raced down the hall, my heels clacking against the hardwood floor of the hallway. When Emmet saw me, he raised his eyebrows.

"Going somewhere, Love?"

"I'm headed to Alice's. Girl emergency," I said as I grabbed my keys out of the drawer. I pecked him on the cheek. "I'll call you later." I hurried out the door, leaving him standing, confused, in the middle of the kitchen.

As I walked down the front path, a black Mercedes pulled up and parked in front of the house. _No way_ I thought. _No way would he have the nerve to come here._ I thought as I glared at the tall, leonine blond figure that emerged from inside the car.

"You _BASTARD_!" I screamed, as he turned and began to walk towards me. "YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER? TO _ALICE_?"

I could see our neighbor, an elderly lady named Ashley Crane, peek out her window at us. I ignored her.

"Rose, hold on, just listen to me," he said quietly. "Just calm down."

"DON'T YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! DON'T YOU _DARE _TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" He had crossed the space between us; I could see every feature of his face perfectly; utter loathing filled every inch of my body.

He placed a hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me. I ripped myself from his grasp, my hair flying in front of my face. "Please, Rosalie, just listen. It's not what it-" His words were cut off as my fist collided with his jaw, leaving a violently red mark across his cheek and jaw.

"Don't you dare think that you are staying here! It's ALICE! How could you do this to her?" I shoved him back, and he stumbled slightly.

He started to open his mouth again. "I just-"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR REASON IS!" I screamed. I heard the front door open and slam, and Emmet rushed to my side, staring, open-mouthed at the scene playing in front of him. "YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ALICE, AND THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! She _loves you, _Jasper! You BASTARD! Just stay away from us. We don't need YOU coming in and ruining anyone else's life." I tried to push past him, but Emmet's hand wrapped around my wrist, keeping me there.

"What the hell is going on, Rose? Jazz?" I shook free.

"Why don't you have Jasper tell you? He has more details; it is his fault. I'll let you get the story first hand." With that, I slung my bag over my shoulder, and ran to the red convertible, started it up, and sped off down the street, leaving two shocked men, one I loved, and one I hated, staring after me.

**Jasper POV**

Emmet looked over at me, his mouth hanging open, eyebrows raised. "What _the hell_ was that about?"

"Can we just go inside? And maybe get some ice," I muttered, shifting uncomfortably underneath his gaze, rubbing gingerly where Rose's fist had collided with my jaw. I was as surprised and shocked as he seemed to be.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. " Emmet hurried back inside, and I followed him quickly, seating myself in the living room, clutching my head in my hands. My head was spinning and throbbing, and I felt as if I might be sick. Emmet got and ice pack from the freezer, and followed me, and seated himself across from me in a chair.

"Jazz, would you please explain what happened? Is Alice alright? Is she hurt? It is Bella? Or Edward? What?"

For a moment, I just sat, doubled over, shaking slightly. After a few minutes, I slowly sat up, eyes burning with tears. I took the ice pack from his hand, and pressed it gingerly to my jaw. After a moment of silence, I finally spoke. "Alice is pregnant," I said flatly, bluntly.

Emmet stayed stock still for a moment, before cracking a grin. "Jazz, that's awesome! Wait, but if she is pregnant, why are you here?" The smile slipped from his face. "What happened?"

"I don't even know, Emmet. She was all upset yesterday and wouldn't tell me why. When I came home today, she and Bella was there, and Alice had been crying again. I sat down, and she started crying, and apologizing and stuff. Before she would tell me anything, she made me tell her that I loved her, as if she didn't already know that. All of a sudden she just says 'I'm pregnant.' And after that, I don't really know. I just sort of freaked out. My brain wasn't really working, so I came here."

"You _left_ after she told you? _You left_? No wonder Rose is mad at you. Wait, what exactly happened as you left? Did Alice say anything?"

"I don't know! I told you; my brain froze up." I dropped my head back into my hands. "I think she said something like 'Jazz, please don't do this.' Something like that."

"Damn it, you idiot! She thinks your leaving her!" Emmet said, his voice rising.

My head shot up. "What? No, that's crazy. She wouldn't think that. I mean sure, she and the girls can overreact about stuff sometimes, but she knows that I love her. Doesn't she? I mean, everyone knows I love her! I am going to marry her for god's sake!"

"You bastard!" Emmet shouted, and I groaned, tired of hearing those two words. "She is a _girl_. If a girl tells you she is pregnant, and you walk out on her after she begs you to stay, OF COURSE SHE THINKS YOU ARE LEAVING HER. Damn it! YOU JUST SCREWED OVER MY SISTER!"

By this point I was shaking, but on my feet. "What do I do?"

"Get your ass back over there, you idiot! Fix it! Beg, cry, do whatever the hell you have to! She is probably packing her bags as we speak!"

Having discarded the icepack onto the couch, I ran past Emmet, down the hall, out the door. I raced to the car, jumped in, and, ignoring speed limits, raced back to the apartment. I reached the door, and tried the handle; it was locked. Looking over the keys in my hand, I quickly realized that I didn't have a key to the apartment.

"Damn it," I muttered as I stood outside the door. I knew that if I knocked, there was no chance of my getting in; Rose was here, and she might murder me on the spot. Instead, I yanked out my phone, and quickly dialed Bella's number. I could hear it ringing loudly from inside the apartment, and then her hurried footsteps. Finally the ringing stopped as she answered.

"Bella? Oh, thank god." I said, gasping in relief. If I could just get one person on my side, this might work. There was silence on her end. "Bella?"

"What, Jasper?" She sneered. Never before had I heard Bella sound that disgusted, that furious in the three years I had known her.

"I am right outside the door; I left the house key there. Can you please let me in?"

"Are you kidding me? You _came back_? After what you did?!?"

No, no I needed her to let me in there. I grasped the door handle and shook it as I spoke.

"Bella, I didn't mean… I wasn't… I wasn't thinking. I-" I stammered, stopping when the door was flung open violently by a fuming Bella Swan.

Despite the fury that was etched on her face, I collapsed forward, incredibly thankful for her opening the door, giving me chance. As I reached forward, she shoved me backwards, away from the apartment. The look on her face told me that I was not going to be let in there without a fight. Before she shut the door behind her, I saw her unlock it with her thumb.

"Bella, what are y-"

"We all know you weren't thinking. If you were thinking, you wouldn't have left the absolute best person on earth. If you were thinking, you wouldn't have run when the person you _claimed_ to love told you she was pregnant. If you were thinking, you wouldn't have RUINED HER LIFE!" She was shouting; her voice bounced off the walls, reverberated in my ears. "Stay away from her, Jasper. Just do us all a favor, and stay the hell away."

"Bella, please, listen to me." She continued to glare as I spoke. "Bella, I panicked. I love her. I do, please, _please_, just let me see her!" My eyes prickled with hot tears as Bella shook her head, and turned away in disgust. " Bella, I will die if I don't see her."

She froze, her back to me, her hand clutching the door handle. For a moment, I thought she was going to open the door, allow me in.

"Well, Jasper, I guess you should have thought of that before you ran away."

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**For all you people silently (or not so silently) screaming "Nooooooooooo," right now, I want you to know that that is the reaction I aimed for. Hey, I never promised that this was going to be a happy-go-lucky story straight through, did I?**

**Alright, I just want to say that you all are amazing. Reading your comments makes writing worth it. A special thanks to Miss Reason, who has left comments on every chapter, and to , whos comment made me grin. Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, and/or favorited this story. You all are the absolute best.**

**So you all know, my posting times will vary. I am trying to crank these out, but I want them to be good. Don't worry; I won't let it go past a couple of days without a chapter or two up. You see, I write these by hand while I am on set, so to post them, I need to type them up and edit it. Trust me, they need lots of editing before I let any of you read it, or else you would all run screaming. These chapters start out about as lovely as rotten lemons. I must be doing alright fixing them up, though, because everyone seems to be going crazy for them!**

**Comment! Add me to lists! Make me happy!**

**xoxo**


	5. Packing

**Alright, I am posting early, mainly because I don't know if I will have time to crank any out tomorrow. Ok, a note on this chapter: This is not picking up exactly where the last one left off. This is before Jasper shows back up at the apartment. Anyway, enjoy!**

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**Bella POV**

I pulled out my ringing phone from my bag, and, seeing that it was Edward, I quickly answered.

"Bella, Love, where are you?" I heard Edward say, his voice worried.

"I'm at Jasper's. I will be home soon. I can't explain right now."

"Wait, hold on. What is-" I heard him say as I clicked the phone shut, setting it on the coffee table. I rushed back to the bathroom, where Alice was now leaning over the toilet, having just finished emptying her stomach. She fell back against the wall, shaking, and as I seated myself beside her; she collapsed into my lap. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes as she looked up at me, one tiny hand clutching on to my jeans.

"Rose is on her way, alright? We are going to pack, and you can come back to my place. It's going to be alright." As I spoke, I ran my fingers through her short dark hair, and stared at her deathly pale, pixie-like face, the blossoming red splotches of color on her cheeks. "Alice, sweetheart, believe me. It will all be okay. You'll be okay."

She shook her head, and the tears flowed more thickly. We remained in this position until I heard the buzzer ring. Gently, I propped her up against the wall, and hurried to the door. When I heard Rose's voice, I buzzed her in, and opened the door in time to see her step from the elevator. She raced forward, and caught me in her arms.

"Bella, how is she? Where is she? Is she alright? That _bastard_… I was ready to kill him-"

"Wait, you saw him?" I asked.

"Yeah, he showed up at my place right as I left. Can you believe it? He thinks he can come there after this?" She snorted in disgust. "I can't believe his nerve, that he thinks he is welcome in my home." Once she was finished explaining what had happened during her encounter with Jasper, she began questioning me, drawing every last bit of information from my brain. After I had given her the full run-down of what happened, I led her to the bathroom, where Alice still sat, slumped back against the wall. Rose crossed to her, and seated herself gracefully on the floor, wrapping her arms around Alice's shaking figure.

After a few minutes of silence, I spoke. "We need to pack."

Alice nodded, and Rose helped her up to her feet. I went to the bedroom, and started pulling out clothes from drawers, stuffing them into the suitcase that Alice had dug out when she was in here. Rose started collecting items from the closet while Alice sat silently on the bed, watching our hurried movements. When Rose pulled out the thick, white garment bag that held Alice's wedding dress, Alice finally reacted, sitting up quickly.

"I don't want it. Don't take it."

"Are you sure?" I asked softly.

Alice nodded, and turned away, lying back down on the bed, her knees drawn up against her chest.

Minutes passed without anyone speaking, although I almost protested when Rose placed the wedding dress back in the closet. I heard my cell ringing from the living room.

"Rose, can you finish up here?" I asked, and she nodded as I scurried down to hall to my phone. I saw it was Jasper, and, for a moment, felt the urge to ignore it, but after a moment of deliberation, flipped the phone open, not speaking, just waiting for him to talk.

"Bella? Oh, thank god." I heard him gasp on the phone. When I didn't respond, he became worried that I wasn't there. "Bella?"

"What, Jasper?" I snarled, inflicting as much hatred as I could.

"I am right outside the door; I left the house key there. Can you please let me in?"

"Are you kidding me? You _came back_? After what you did?!?"

"Bella, I didn't mean… I wasn't… I wasn't thinking. I-" He stopped short as I threw the door open. He almost collapsed with relief. He reached forward, as if to embrace me, but I shoved him back into the hallway outside the apartment, unlocking the door as I did.

"Bella, what are y-"

"We all know you weren't thinking. If you were thinking, you wouldn't have left the absolute best person on earth. If you were thinking, you wouldn't have run when the person you _claimed_ to love told you she was pregnant. If you were thinking, you wouldn't have RUINED HER LIFE. Stay away from her, Jasper. Just do us all a favor, and stay the hell away."

"Bella, please, listen to me! I panicked. I love her, Bella. I do. Please, _please_, just let me see her!" How could he expect me to let him see her after what he did? Tired of his groveling, I shook my head and turned away. "Bella, I will die if I don't see her."

This froze me in my tracks. I knew how he felt; I had that feeling with Edward, like I couldn't possibly live without him in my world.

But this was different. He left; he tore her apart. I couldn't let him do it again.

"Well, Jasper, I guess you should have thought of that before you ran away."

**Jasper POV**

She turned the handle, and the door swung open, revealing Rose and Alice behind it. When they caught sight of me, Alice turned even paler white, while Rose's face filled with angry color. Alice was clutching on to Rose, her arm around Rose's shoulders. In Rose's hand was a suitcase, no doubt filled with Alice's belongings. Bella crossed to them, and twinned an arm around Alice's tiny waist, pulling her towards the door slightly.

As they passed me and walked towards the elevators, Alice spoke. "Wait. Bella, Rose, hold on." She wiggled free from them, and walked back to me, leaving Bella and Rose looking both confused and shocked. She stood directly in front of me, so close that I could see each individual eyelash; I could see them sparkle with tears. She looked up at me, her angelic eyes red and puffy. She raised up her left hand and looked at it for a moment, before tugging off the diamond ring, her engagement ring. She twirled it between her fingers slowly, and finally reached down, taking my longer hand in her tiny one; her simple touch sent a tingle up my arm. She held our hands there for a moment, clasped in midair, as she stood on her tiptoes. She twined an arm around my neck, and pulled me down slightly so her lips could reach mine. In that kiss, there was fury and love, pain and hatred. She pulled away, and dropped back down to her regular height, tears dripping down her cheeks. She turned our hands so my palm was up, and pulled her hand away slowly, leaving her silver ring in the center of my palm.

"I believe that is yours," she said softly, never breaking contact with my eyes. "Goodbye, Jasper." With that, she turned away, and I watched, frozen, as she got on the elevator with Bella and Rose. As the doors closed, I sank to the ground, shaking, sobbing. The love of my life was gone.

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**I would say that I hope you all enjoyed this, but it isn't a very happy chapter. Instead, I hope that you were all enthraled my this chapter! Comment! Add me to lists! Keep on being the amazing readers that you are!**

Also, if you know any people who would enjoy this story, please pass it along to them! The more the merrier!

I will post chapter 6 as soon as I can!

xoxo


	6. Broken Hearts and Explanations

**I keep meaning to wait longer between postings, but I can't resist shooting these out the moment they are ready. I hope you enjoy this!**

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Alice POV

Everything was spinning; I couldn't focus on any one point. Somewhere in my mind I was aware of Bella and Rose beside me, holding me close, but I couldn't hear their comforting words. All I could see was Jasper's face as the elevator doors closed. I could see him sink to the ground, heart torn in to pieces. All I could feel were his lips on mine that last time, his feather light whispers against my ear, and the warmth of his hand, the memory of his fingers silky-smooth against my skin. And, for a moment, I wanted to know what I was doing, leaving him. Had insanity taken over fully? I loved him. Of course I loved him. I couldn't lose him. And he loves me.

But then the picture of him leaving, running and hiding away from me as I told him I was pregnant. He deserted me; he would do it again and again, at every scary moment, every time I needed him there the most. That is why I didn't run back to him. That is why I let Bella and Rose lead me blindly to the car. That is why I let Bella drive me away from the only man I had ever loved, with Rose following in her car behind us.

We reached Bella and Edward's apartment, and nothing had been said between us. I merely sat, silently crying, holding Bella's extended hand between our seats as she steered the car with the other. Edward was waiting for us at the front of the building, and held the door open for us the moment we pulled up. In front of the car, I saw another: my parents. I moaned softly; the last thing I needed right now was The Spanish Inquisition. Bella released my hand and traveled around to my side of the car, gingerly helping me out. Seeing my weak state, Edward rushed towards us, and held me up on the other side, throwing a worried and quizzical look to Bella.

"Later," she muttered. "I'll tell you later." Rose followed us inside, totting my bag with her, and we worked our way across to the elevators. When we got to their floor, there stood Esme and Carlisle. The door to the apartment was open behind them, and ignored their outcries when they say Bella and Edward practically carrying me, my tear stained face.

"Alice!" my mom said in a hushed and panicked whisper as I walked past her. "Alice, oh my lord, what happened? Where is Jasper? What is-"

"Mom, please, not right now. Bella will explain everything. I just want to lie down."

My mom, craving an explanation, but deciding to not push it at the moment, took over for Edward and Bella, and helped me into the spare room in the apartment. I immediately shuffled to the couch, and collapsed on to it. I felt my mother's soft, delicate hands tuck a blanket in around me as I lay, shaking. Her lips touched to my forehead, and I gave a small smile as she shut off the lights in the room, closing the door softly behind her as she left.

All I wanted to do was sleep. Sleep and never wake up. I wanted to forget.

**Edward POV**

I seated myself on the couch, and Bella curled up beside me, wrapping her delicate arms around my neck. I turned her head with my hand, tilting her face up. Softly, I touched my lips to hers, trying to calm her panic. I pulled away, and as she opened her eyes, I said "Now tell me; what exactly is going on here? Where is Jazz?"

She shook her head, and buried her face into my hard chest, and I wrapped her arms tightly around her, pressing my lips into her sweet-smelling hair. Esme, Carlisle and Roaslie came in, and seated themselves around us. Carlisle looked like he was about to have a heart attack from panic, and Esme was twirling her scarf through her fingers nervously.

"Bella, Rose, please, what is-" Carlisle started, but Bella held up a hand to stop him.

She took a deep breath, and sat up properly, although I refused to remove my arms from her waist, and pulled her even closer to my side.

"I will tell you," she started, her voice controlled and surprisingly calm, although her eyes were burning with a multitude of emotions. "But I need you to swear that, no matter what I say after this, that you will not be angry at Alice."

"But, Bella, what is-" Esme said.

"I need you to promise me," Bella cut across, and then silently waited for their swears. Once they had both agreed, Bella continued. "Late this morning, I got a call from Alice. She was really upset, and asked if she could come over; I said yes, of course. When she got here, she was pretty awful; she was crying and shaking. It was terrible. When she could finally get some words out, she told me that she is pregnant."

Esme gasped, and Carlisle, who had been tossing his keys back and forth between his hands nervously, let them fall to the floor with a clatter.

"Pregnant? _Pregnant_?" Carlisle said, his voice shocked, horrified and pained, but not angry. Bella simply nodded, and continued explaining.

"She hadn't told Jasper yet, and, well, was a nervous wreck about it, but I convinced her to tell him tonight." She stopped speaking for a moment; she was losing control over her emotions, and her eyes were filling with tears once again. I had a nauseating feeling in my stomach, and I was pretty sure that I knew where this was going. I kissed Bella's temple softly, and intertwined our two hands, comforting her.

After a few moments, and multiple deep breaths she spoke. "Well, she asked me to stay with her, for when she told him, and I agreed. We just waited around at her apartment until he got home, and when he did, she, well, she told him. He just sort of…" Bella was crying heavily know, and it was a struggle for her to get the next words out; her voice was thick with tears. "He just left. He just got up and left."

"No…" whispered Carlisle. My stomach was twisted into sick knots; that… that… that _monster_, leaving my sister. I could kill him. I looked over at my parents; Esme was silently crying, tears tumbling down her heart-shaped face; Carlisle was frozen in an expression of horror, pity, and extreme anger. Never before had I seen him look so furious, so upset. He was always the calm one, the peacemaker. I knew that if he saw Jasper he would, like me, do his very best to tear him limb from limb. The shaking form of my baby sister as she got out of the car filled my mind; I had never felt so much fury for a person as I did in this moment.

After a few minutes of silence, Esme looked up at Bella. 'The wedding…?" she trailed off, referring to the wedding Alice and Jasper had been planning for five months now. Bella just shook her head.

"She gave him the ring back," Rose said softly. At these words, Esme leaned into Carlisle, burying her face against his shirt.

Jasper had torn my baby sister's world apart.

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**Alright, there you all go. Your Oh Baby Baby dose for the day! Thank you to Yun Min, for pointing out a blooper (I went back and fixed it), and for not being mad that I butchered their name. **

**This brings me to my second point. ****If I have made a mistake somewhere, please tell me, so I can correct it! Thanks! And, as a gift to everyone reaeding this, if you are dying to read a chapter from a certain character's POV, let me know, and I will do my best to whip it up for you!**

**And finally, to all of you begging me to divulge whether or not A/J get back together or not, no, I will not tell you. That would ruin the entire story. Sorry! It's not that I don't love all of my readers; I just don't want to spoil anything for you.**

**Until next time!**

xoxo


	7. The Sweetest Touch

**Alright, tonight is a two chapter night! Lucky you! These two chapters are focused mainly on Bella and Edward, the reason being that I was in somewhat withdrawals from not having Edward present. Originally, when I first started this story, Bella was pregnant, and Edward left, but I just couldn't see that ever happening, so I switched it up. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy the chapter!**

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Bella POV

Time passed slowly; it seemed frozen as I sat, silently staring at the clock. Around me, I could hear the murmuring of Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme and Edward as they talked. I couldn't bring myself to take part in their worried conversation; all I could do was think of Alice, how she shook, the tears dripping from the corners of her eyes as she fretted about how to tell Jasper, the scream of pure agony as he walked out the door.

Rose left after receiving a rushed call from Emmet, who was demanding to know what had played out. After about an incredibly slow and painfully long hour, Carlisle and Esme finally appeared to be ready to leave, and stood.

"Let us know if you need anything," Esme told me as she embraced me. "Anything at all." I nodded. I saw her glance over my shoulder to the closed door that concealed her daughter. Alice had stumbled out of the spare room to get some water, but other than that, we didn't hear a word from or see her the entire time that the rest of the family was here.

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle murmured as he hugged me, and placed a kiss on my cheek. I nodded again silently. After embracing a stony-faced Edward, the two left the apartment.

I collapsed with a groan onto the couch, and tilted my head off the back of the couch, pressing the heel of my palms to my eyes until little light erupted in front of my eyelids. I felt Edward sit beside me, and I turned my head towards him. He wasn't looking at me; his eyes were fixed blindly on the wall. From my position, I silently traced the planes of his face with my eyes. His strong jaw, straight nose, brilliant green eyes. Fear slammed into me with incredible force at that moment, as I sat, taking in his magnificent features. My whirred into overdrive. If Alice and Jasper couldn't stay together, what were the chances for Edward and me? Alice was prettier, more interesting, over all better than I was. How, if she couldn't keep Jasper, would I ever be able to hold on to the angel seated beside me. Before I knew it, I was shaking, fear clutching at my stomach. I extended my hand, and softly traced my fingers down the line of his jaw, locking the memory of his skin under my touch in my mind. He smiled slightly, and caught my hand with his, and pressed my palm to his lips. I couldn't help but shiver.

"Edward," I said, softly, pulling myself close to him, resting my face against his hard chest. He dropped my palm, and wrapped his arms tightly around me, running a comforting hand up and down my spine as tears began to leak from my eyes. "Edward, please, promise me this. Promise me you wont leave me."

He looked surprised, not my my request, but as if I should already know the answer. He nodded, and brushed a tear from my face, his face inches from mine. "Are you expecting me to leave, Love?" He kissed me softly, his lips feather light against mine.

I blushed as I spoke. "It's just, Alice… She is so... perfect, and if she can't even make it, if the person she loves can't love her, how could you love me? And I couldn't do it. I just couldn't live without you. I would literally die." I murmured, separating my lips from his, although one of his strong hands kept my face from moving more than an inch away from his as I spoke, tears once again filling in my eyes.

"I know, Bella. I know," his voice was a soft whisper, his breath tickling my face. "I couldn't live without you either. Ever. I love you. More than I ever thought I could love someone."

Tears leaked over the rims of my eyes as I pressed my lips to his softly. He pressed back against me with more force than I was expecting. I wrapped my arms around his neck, twinning my fingers through his bronze hair, relishing the feeling of his fingers tracing up and down my spine, the other hand on the back of my neck.

My breathing increased, and my heart hammered in my chest as the kiss deepened. The joy and ecstasy that was jumping through my veins as he kissed me felt strange, foreign, after the day of tears. Eventually, I pulled away, breathing heavily, my cheeks flushed, my lips tingling.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, Bella."

We stayed like this, curled up on the couch, for close to an hour; not a word was said. He silently traced patterns across my back slowly; occasionally one of his touches would make me jump slightly, instating a light blush to fill my cheeks. Eventually I stood, stiff from sitting, and pulled myself away from him, heading to the bedroom to change into my pajamas. I stood, back to the door, as I pulled my sweater off, unzipped my jeans, and let them fall to the floor. I stretched my arms over my head as I stood, wearing only a light blue bra and a pair of underwear. As I started to arch forward, I felt a long arm curve around my waist. I just about jumped out of my skin in fright.

"Holy crap, Edward. You scared me." I said, blushing, pulling away from him and snatching my pajama top from on top of the bed, holding it up to cover some of my skin. As I went to put it on, he walked forward, and removed it from my hands, pressing his lips to mine forcefully as he dropped the shirt to the ground. I stumbled backward slightly, surprised; he moved with me. His arms wrapped around my waist and held me close.

"I would _never_… I could never leave you, Bella. I love you," he murmured against my ear, his breath as soft as the kiss of an angel against my hair and skin.

Our kisses continued, and this time I didn't pull away.

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**I have to give a extra special thank you, and a giant virtual hug, to Miss Reason, who was amazing enough to call me a legend. This comment really made me grin like an idiot when I read it. I received a private message this morning absolutely tearing this piece apart. I was told that my story is worth nothing, full of errors, and a waste of time. Again, thank you to Miss Reason for contradicting that opinion, and to all of you for sticking with my story. Without you all, none of this would be possible.**

**Disregarding the insults I recieved, I will continue this story with high determination. There will be more soon!**

**xoxo  
**


	8. The Morning After

**Second chapter of the night! Alright, it is pretty short, but you got two chapters in one night, so you all shouldn't be too upset. Enjoy!**

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Alice POV

At first, I couldn't open my eyes. The lids were stuck together with dried tears and sticky mascara. When, after a moment of trying, my eyes opened, I immediately wished that I had just kept them closed. Light was streaming in through the window, burning my tender eyes.

I stood up, and stumbled to the gleaming window. After yanking the curtains shut, I looked around the room. Somewhere inside of me, I knew where I was, and why I was here, but at first my mind wouldn't admit it. No. It wasn't possible. It was just a nightmare; Jasper couldn't have done that. He would never hurt me like that.

But all the same, I knew it was true.

As tears began to spill over again, I crossed back to the couch, laid back down, and pulled the crimson blanket over my head, closing my eyes, letting my mind slip back into a silent oblivion.

**Edward POV**

I woke in the morning to find Bella's head on my chest. Her deep, dark hair was splayed out like a fan, over my shoulders, tickling my neck as I breathed. One arm draped across the pale sheets, the other arced up gracefully, resting near my neck, her fingers settled lightly against my collarbone. Gently, I wove my fingers through her mahogany curls, and I could feel her stir as she started to wake. Her fingers traced along my stomach, and she chuckled lightly as goose bumps rose where her skin touched mine. She turned her face toward me, and her dark hair fell over her face as she did. Gently, I brushed the hair back, smoothing it over her head, neck and shoulders, eventually resting my hand on the back of her neck.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen," she said to me sweetly, smiling.

"Good morning, Miss Swan." I smiled at her, her perfect features once again taking my breath away as I looked at her. "How are you this morning?"

She gave a small yawn. "Tired."

"Oh, you didn't sleep well last night?" I joked. "Did some important… ah… chores keep you up?"

She smacked my chest playfully, and rolled over, pulling the sheet over herself as she placed her head onto her pillow. She lay on her side, looking at me; I was unable to look away from those beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

"I love you," she said softly, placing her palm on my cheek.

"I love you, too, Bella." When I said these words, she smiled slightly, but in her eyes a glimmer of doubt shone, just as it had last night when the same words were murmured.

We remained still and silent for a few more minutes, until I checked my watch. As much as I hated it, I had to go, or else risk being late for work. As I got up and pulled on a pair of boxers, I looked at her.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready also?" I asked, and she shook her head slightly, pushing her dark hair back with her fingers as she shifted. My heart slammed against my ribs for a moment as she shifted. Sunlight streamed in, and leaped through the sheets, making htem obscure, and delicately displaying what was beneath them. Embarrassed, and thankful that Bella hadn't seemed to noticed, I looked away as she spoke.

"No, I'm going to call in for some time off today. Stay here with Alice, you know? And anyway, I can finish up the article here, and send it in."

I nodded; she was probably right to stay. Who knows what would happen in Alice was left to herself.

After a few moments of silence, Bella looked up at me again. "Do you ever think she is going to be the same again?"

I wanted to say yes, of course. She will move on; she will heal. But I couldn't bring myself to lie, to assure Bella when I couldn't picture her being the same without Jasper.

"I don't know, Bella. I just don't know."

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**To all of the fabulous people who seem to be addicted to my story, I hope that this quenches your thirst (haha, no pun intended) for my Twilight fan fic... or at least enough to get you through until I can post again. I hope you enjoyed it! Read, review, favorite, and spread the word. Love to you all!  
**

**xoxo**


	9. Begging

**Chapter 9! Sorry it took so long to get up, life is busy right now. I will do my best to never take this long again! Lovings!  


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****Alice POV**

"Ow! Damn it, Bella! What are you doing?" The light that I had shut out with the curtains was now flowing, unabashed, into my room. My eyes stung and watered slightly in the sudden, blinding brightness. I squinted up at Bella from my position on the black leather couch. "Why on earth are you in here, blinding me, looking all chipper?" I was surprised to find a rough edge in my voice, like that of a serrated knife.

"I am in here to get you up. You have a doctor's appointment, and I am tired of sitting here watching you sleep. It's almost two in the afternoon; you have slept enough. Now get up."

I grumbled, and collapsed back on to the couch, pulling the blanket back over my face. I was beyond shocked when Bella ripped it back, out of my hands.

"What are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be at work, typing up some article for the paper?"

"I took the rest of the week off; they can live without me." She sat down by me feet, and I slowly sat up, scooting over beside her. "Look, I know that this is hard, and that you must feel awful right now." I nodded my head in agreement, and she wrapped an arm around me. "The thing is, Alice, as hard as it is, time doesn't stop. You have a baby in there, and that baby needs a doctor, and vitamins, and all of that stuff. So, as hard as it is, and as much as you want to curl up in a ball as sleep for a million years, you can't." She was right, of course. I sighed. "Come on, let's get you dressed." She stood, and carefully helped me to my feet.

She had already pulled out some clothes for me from my suitcase: my favorite skinny jeans (I might as well wear them now, they weren't going to fit me for much longer), my lucky blue blouse, and a pair of black flats. Beside the clothes sat my black wool coat. I got dressed with Bella beside me; she hovered around seeming worried that I might collapse at any moment. Once we were dressed, and after I finished the piece of toast that Bella forced me to eat, she grabbed the keys to her car, a blue Volvo, the same style as Edward's. I reluctantly followed her down to the street, and got in the car. All I wanted to do was shut my eyes, and drift back into sleep, let myself forget for a little while longer; she would have none of that. Bella kept repeated the phrase "For the baby's sake."

We reached the hospital twenty minutes later. The visit was, in my mind, somewhat traumatic. Everything was fine; I was perfectly healthy, as was the baby. I already knew that I was pregnant; three tests and a missed period, that pretty well confirms it, but hearing it from the doctor's mouth made it all much too real. There had been a slight inkling of hope in my mind that maybe, just maybe, the tests were wrong. That my period was just late. That I could call Jasper and tell him I was wrong, there was no baby.

All of those hopes disappeared as the doctor, Annie Melrose, handed me a bottle of vitamins to take, and said "Congratulations Miss Brandon; you and your baby are doing just fine." When those words his me "your baby," I almost fell off of my seat. I had a baby; there was no doubt anymore. I was a 23-year-old single mom. "Alright, so you are at 1 month and 1 week, so you have quite a ways to go. We will need to see you-" The doctor's voice was cut off by a ringing; Bella's phone had gone off.

She yanked it out of her pocket, glanced at it, her cheeks turning pink as answered it and backed out of the room. "So sorry," she said to us as she left, closing the door behind her.

**Jasper POV**

"Jasper, stop calling. You are using up all my minutes," I heard her grumble into the phone after closing the door.

"Bella, you need to let me see her. Please. Just let me explain." My voice cracked as I spoke.

"There is nothing to explain, Jasper. She told you, you left. End of story. You were a jerk, and now she is a single mom-to-be with a broken heart, and it's all because of you!" Broken heart. Mom-to-be. Bella's words sliced through my heart as I sat on the edge of the bed, Alice's engagement ring in my hand. I hadn't set it down since she handed it back to me. I hadn't slept; just sat, tears dripping slowly down my cheeks, the silver ring clutched in my hand. My eyes were dry now, the tears run out, although they still stung painfully; if any tears were left they would be slipping down my cheeks.

"Bella, there is stuff to explain, there is! Please." I begged. All pride and dignity was gone. I would do anything, at this point. There was silence on the other end of the line. "Bella, please. Please, just let me talk to her. Just let me see her." There was silence on the other end of the line, and after a moment, I spoke again. "Bella, can't you see? What if this was you and Edward? Would you want Alice to step between you and his attempts to fix it?" There was more silence, and I quietly spoke again. "Would you, Bella?"

Bella sighed. "Look, I'm not doing this for you. I am doing this because, if this ever happened between Edward and me, I would want Alice to let him see me. So fine."

"Bella!" I had shot to my feet, my stomach flipping with both joy and fear. "Oh, Bella, thank you. You are a godsend. An angel."

"Alright, alright, be quiet already. We are at the doctor's right now, and after tha-"

"The doctor's? Is everything alright? Wait, did something happen?"

"Jasper, she is pregnant. I needed to have the doctor check on her and the baby. Everything is fine."

"How far along is she?"

"Just past a month," she said curtly. "As I was saying, after this we are going to get some lunch. She didn't eat much of anything yesterday and all she has had today is a piece of toast. So, I guess you can just meet us at my apartment around…" she stopped. "Around four. Alright?"

"Beyond alright. Absolutely. Sure. Great," I was giddy, and babbling. The same way I couldn't seem to stop myself from walking away last night, I couldn't seem to stop words from tumbling from my mouth now.

Bella chuckled softly. "Well, I guess I will see you then Ja-" Her voice stopped short.

"Bella? Who are you talking to?" I heard Alice ask Bella.

"Oh? This? No one. Just…" Her voice trailed of nervously, and I could picture her face turning crimson as she stood, being stared down by Alice's dark eyes. The image of the latter's shaking form, her eyes swimming in tears flashed back into my mind, and my stomach twisted with regret and nausea. "Just... Jackie, from work. She was calling to see when I would be back in."

There was silence for a moment, and then Bella's voice was back at the receiver. "Well, see you later Jackie." Then the line went dead.

**Bella POV**

"So who was it really?" Alice asked, hands on hips, looking a bit more like her old self. She gave me a stern look, and I blushed again.

"I told you; it was my boss. No big deal." She continued to stare at me, demanding a real answer with her eyes. "Come on; you haven't eaten anything except for a piece of toast. Let's get you some lunch."

Alice, still looking highly suspicious, muttered an approval. "Fine. But don't think that you are off the hook."

Although some of Alice's joking manner was back, she still was incredibly low energy, and, more than once on the ride over to the restaurant, Green Street Café, I saw her staring at the now empty ring finger on her left hand.

---

Lunch was a disaster. Throughout the meal, I had to keep reminding Alice to eat. Whenever I would tell her, she would grumble and take a miniscule bite. Mainly, she drank water while I ate my meal. Her cheeks were colorless and her eyes still pained as we sat on the outside patio.

"Alice, please, you need to eat. Stop starving yourself," I said, somewhat frustrated with her refusal to eat properly.

"I'm not hungry, alright? So just leave it alone, Bella!" She snapped at me, and I sat back in my chair, slightly stung.

"Look, Alice, you are _pregnant_."

"Really? I had no idea," she snarled at me over her water glass.

"My point is, you need to eat! Alright, that baby needs nutrition, and he or she can't get anything if you don't feed yourself!"

She huffed as she quickly twirled some pasta around her fork, took a bite, and swallowed quickly. "There! Happy?"

"Not particularly," I mumbled, hating to have to fight with her to get her to eat, especially when she was already so upset.

The rest of the meal continued like this, until I finally gave up, finished off my large salad, and paid the check. Most of her pasta still remained on her plate; she hadn't taken more than five bites. When the waitress asked if we wanted a box for it, Alice quickly said no, stood, and stalked off to the car.

The car ride home wasn't much better. Alice sat in a stony silence for most of the way, while I attempted to lure her out into a conversation.

"Bella, just stop, ok?" She finally said, quite loudly, when I mentioned that we would need to get Rose to take her out to buy baby clothes. "Just stop it! I am _not _ok! Nothing in this situation is _ok_! I am pregnant and single, and without the only person I have ever wanted to be with for the rest of my life! So just stop pretending that everything is ok when it's NOT!"

I felt a rush of anger and frustration towards her as I stared ahead at the rainy road and sky, until I noticed tears dripping down her cheeks. I looked over at her, and took her tiny hand in mine. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," I said softly as she cried, mopping her eyes on the cuff of her coat. She nodded.

"I know, Bella," she said shakily. "I didn't mean to snap; I just don't know what's going on anymore. Everything is so messed up." She looked over at me as I parked the car in front of my apartment building. After a small pause, she gave a small smile and spoke. "Thank you."

I smiled back. "Thank you for what?"

"For being there for me."

"I will _always_ be there for you, no matter what happens."

I glanced at the clock before I cut the engine; it was half past four. A few cars ahead of mine was Jasper's, but Alice didn't notice as we walked up to the building. We crossed through the front doors, and boarded the elevator in a comfortable silence. My arm was around her shoulders, hers around my waist, as we left the elevator. There, sitting on the floor beside the closed door of my apartment, was Jasper. He shot to his feet the moment we stepped off the elevator.

"Alice, I am so-"

"_Jasper_?" Alice whispered, her eyes burning.

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**Alright, there is chapter nine! Ah, got to love the cliffhangers! What do you think is going to happen?? Are you optimistic, and believing that they will reunite? Or are you like me, and doubting that their love will ever be the same? Even I don't know, I haven't written it yet. I am working on it right now, and should have it up soon.  
This Jasper POV goes to alicelur135, and to Miss Reason, who was super-amazing-fantabulous-awesome enough to call me "a legend." Miss Reason, you my dear are the most legendary fan ever. ****Alright, we have hit 40 comments on 8 chapters! Super amazing! So, thank you to: xMissCullenx, ME LOVEY JAZZY, Kathleen, YUN MIN, MrsCarlisleCullen, Miss Reason, Loves-to-blame, flubberpot1, HeavensPheonix561, and Janjelicab, plus all other commentors I didn't mention! Sorry, I couldn't put you all, I just listed the most recent page of comments. Know that those not listed are no less appreciated. I love you just as much!**  
**I am working on Chapter 10. Let me know if there are any sort of specific things that you are just dying to have happen. I might just include them!**

**xoxo!  
**


	10. In My Arms

**New Chapter! I am pouring myself into writing at the moment; I have run out of my lag time chapters. When I started posting, I already had most of the chapters so far sketched out, at least. Now, I am out. Well, I promise to work hard on the next chapter, and get it up super soon. Until then, enjoy Chapter 10!  
**  


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**Jasper POV**

I stared into her flaming eyes for a moment, trying to read her emotion.

"Alice, I am so sorry. I was an idiot. Completely, temporarily insane. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking at all, I guess. I never meant to hurt you, and Alice, please believe me when I say that I will never hurt you again. If you decide that you don't want me back and that…"

I trailed off as I stared at her. She dropped her arm from Bella's waist, and took a small step forward as Bella removed her arm from Alice's shoulders. I stood there nervously, waiting for some sign, anything.

"I really do love you, Alice."

What happened next surprised me. I was ready to beg for years to get her back. I was ready to do anything. But as I said the word "love," a grin broke across my sweet angel's face, and she launched herself forward, throwing herself into my arms. She latched her arms around my neck, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her small waist as she kissed me. Her feet lifted off the ground. I could feel us spinning… or maybe it was my shock and explosion after explosion of relief, love, and complete and utter joy. Somewhere in the outside world, I could hear Bella slipping into the apartment, leaving us to ourselves.

All to soon, Alice pulled her sweet lips from mine. I set her down, and stroked a tear off of her cheek. There were dark circles under her eyes; her eyes themselves were flat, dead, and confused. Her skin was abnormally pale, except for the hectic splashes of red dancing across her cheeks.

"What are you doing here, Jasper?" She asked, as if she didn't know. Or maybe she really didn't. Maybe she truly didn't know how much I loved her.

"I am here because you are here. I am here to get you back. I am here, because I love you, and I could never live without you, Alice."

Tears overflowed freely from her eyes now, and she wrapped herself back around me, her face pressed into my chest. I pressed my lips into her short, dark hair. We stayed like this for a few minutes, before she released me, and took my hand in hers. Slowly, she looked up at me, her eyes finally meeting mine.

"Jasper…" She said softly as I pressed a palm to her cheek. "Jasper, I don't know if I can do this."

As she spoke these words, a pang of fear stabbed into my stomach. Was I really too late? Had I messed up too badly, so bad that she wouldn't be able to forgive me?

"Alice, I swear, I will never-"

She cut me off, pressing a tiny hand against my mouth, muffling my panicked words. "The thing is, Jazz," she started dropping her hand from my mouth. "The thing is, I can't survive through that again. And you swore to me before that you would never leave, no matter what. You told me day after day that you loved me, that you couldn't live without me. You promised me, right before I told you, that you wouldn't leave. But then you did. You left me, Jazz."

"But, Alice, I didn't mean it! You have to understand that when I left, I wasn't thinking. I just panicked; I don't know what came over me." There was a pleading edge to my voice; I could hear the desperation filtering through, and I was sure she could as well. Alice continued to stare up at me, her features displaying her inner conflict, wanting to believe my words, but seemingly unable to. As her eyes filled with tears once again, another tsunami of regret crashed over my head, making it spin. "I swear to you on my life, I will never leave you again. No matter what happens in life, I want to be by your side through it all. I love you, Alice." She stood silently, tears dipping down her cheeks.

"Jasper," her voice was so quiet and thick with tears, I had to strain to understand it in the deserted hallway. "Jasper, I just don't know if I can-"

Her words cut short as I shifted, keeping one hand in hers as I knelt down to the floor. Her eyes flooded with a new wave of tears as I slipped my hand into my coat pocket, and pulled out her diamond ring.

"Alice Brandon," I said, and smiled softly at her. She blinked at me silently, tears still treading down softly. "I love you. You are truly the center of my universe, and I can't live without you." I smiled again, and released her hand, shifting it onto her lower abdomen, where our child resided. "And after all, our baby needs a father. Will you, please will you marry me?"

She broke into full sobs, pressing her now free hand to her face, and grin dazzling my eyes as it danced across her face, even as she sobbed. She nodded her head strongly, and gasped out words in between sobs. "Yes, Jasper. Of course, yes." My breathing came lighter, quicker, deeper, as I slipped the silver ring onto her left hand, still kneeling on the floor. I wrapped my arms around her waist firmly as I stood, pulling her into the air, her feet leaving the floor, as she latched her arms around my neck, her legs wrapping back around me slightly.

Our lips met. It was like nothing ever before. I could have been floating on air for as light as I felt as her soft, perfect lips moved against mine. I relished the feeling of her fingers running through and knotting themselves in my hair, the soft silkiness of her creamy skin underneath the hem of her blouse. I could feel the tickle as one of her hands traced down my spine; she gasped softly as I did the same to her. Minutes passed. Or was it hours? Days? A millennium could have flown by, and I would not have noticed. Nothing mattered but her, my angel, my love. Her lips against mine, against my cheek, jaw. She was really back. It was really her lips against mine, her sweet breath tickling my face, her electric touches sending sparks through my body. It was really her back that I traced random patterns on, her hair that I brushed my fingers through. As impossible as it seemed, it was really my Alice.

Finally, we pulled apart, and her feet touched down softly on the ground. I let go of all but one hand. Silently, we took the elevator down to the ground floor, and I led her out to the car. I was giddy as we walked; I had her back. Maybe, just maybe, this would all turn out alright.

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**Woot! Chapter 10 is done, and I have almost 60 comments! I hope you loved it as much as I did. So, comment and tell me what you thought about all of that. I really hope that you enjoyed every second you spent reading this chapter.  
I am not going to list everyone this time, but I would just like to say a special thank you Miss Reason, for telling me that I have written her favorite story. Also, the second kiss was written in specially for you, ME LOVEY JAZZY. Yun Min, I think you are amazing, and always love your comments. Sail Away Mayday, you rock for commenting on everything, and being such a dedicated new fan. Alright, enough of these thank yous. My fingers are getting worn to the bone.  
Again, if there are any suggestions, please tell me! Well, that is, as long as the suggestion isn't: Make it Longer. Because you should all know by now that I will not do that for anyone, no matter how amazing and epic they are. And yes, you are all amazing and epic in my book. OBBBIOUSLY. (Sorry, inside joke with me and one of the people reading this, who actually know me in real life. You should know who you are.)**

I hope everyone is having an awesome life lately. Talk to you all soon!

**xoxo  
**


	11. Disbelief

**Alright, here is Chapter 11. I hope that you love this one as much as I do! We have Alice's POV of the whole event, plus some interesting Bella/Edward interaction. _And_ it is pretty long, so I don't want any complaints of it being to short! I initially didn't have the Alice POV in here, but it seemed appropriate. Enjoy it, love it, review it!  


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Alice POV**

As we stepped off the elevator, I realized that I had truly gone completely insane. There was no chance that it was really Jasper jumping to his feet, staring at me. I must have been imagining it. Having a full-fledged, completely beautiful, worthy of the strongest hallucinogenic drug on the planet, hallucination. Because there is no way, _no way_ that it was really Jasper standing in the hallway.

It couldn't really be him speaking. "Alice, I am so sorry. I was an idiot. Completely, temporarily insane. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking at all, I guess. I never meant to hurt you, and Alice, please believe me when I say that I will never hurt you again. If you decide that you don't want me back and that…" I dropped my arm from Bella's waist as I took a small step forward, staring transfixed at the apparition my mind had created. I yearned to look at Bella, to know if she saw it to, but I couldn't look away; I didn't want it to disappear.

"I really do love you, Alice." Nothing, not even my own mind, could remake his voice in such a perfect copy. Nothing could possibly make the word "love" slip from his lips so beautifully. And no apparition could make my heart hammer in my chest like it did now. I could feel it slamming against my ribs as a grin broke across my face, and suddenly I was flying towards him, into his arms, our lips meeting as I was lifted off the ground.

But no. No, this is a dream. I will wake up, open my eyes, and he wont be here. All a dream

I am not a princess, and this isn't a fairy tale. Life doesn't just hand you everything you want. I couldn't let myself believe this, to believe he would stay. Only dreams bring perfection. Life just doesn't work that way.

I pulled myself back, and felt my feet hit the ground softly. Bella was gone; she must have slipped inside without me noticing. I couldn't resist asking the most basic question. "What are you doing here, Jasper?" Was it just to apologize, and then leave again? Or was this a dream, in which he would profess his love to me, leaving me disappointed and alone when I woke up?

I could see small traces of surprise as I spoke. "I am here because you are here. I am here to get you back. I am here because I love you, and I could never live without you, Alice."

I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

No apparition, no dream, no figment of my imagination could make me feel this alive.

I couldn't breathe anything except his scent, his breath against my face. I couldn't see anything except his perfect features, so wonderfully close to mine. I couldn't feel anything except his silky touch against my skin. I pulled myself tightly against him, my arms wrapping around his middle as I buried my face into his shirt. I felt his lips press into my hair; a tingle shot down from the crown of my head, across my body. The mix of pain, love, and fear I felt was unbearable. How could I possibly return to this complicated mess as if nothing had happened? What about next time there is something rough? He could disappear, time and time again.

Slowly, finally, I controlled the tears, and looked up at him. "Jasper…" He pressed a palm to my cheek; I couldn't decide between relishing the feeling of his touch, or pulling away. "Jasper, I don't know if I can do this."

I watched as his eyes widened slightly, fear playing clearly across his face. I could feel my heart ripping into pieces for what I was doing to him.

"Alice, I swear, I will never-" I cut him off, reaching up and pressing a palm firmly against his lips.

Once he stopped mumbling against my hand, I spoke. "The thing is, Jazz," I started, dropping my hand from his mouth. "The thing is, I can't survive through that again. And you swore to me before that you would never leave, no matter what. You told me day after day that you loved me, that you couldn't live without me, but then you did. You left me, Jazz." I hated to admit it. I hated this. But it was true; he had done what he promised to never do. And how could I just forget?

"But, Alice, I didn't mean it! You have to understand that when I left, I wasn't thinking. I just panicked; I don't know what came over me." I could hear the weariness in his voice; he sounded broken, desperate for me to forgive. Desperate to be with me. Desperate for me to continue loving him.

As if I could ever stop loving him. I had always, and will always, love Jasper. I just didn't know if that would be enough. I wanted nothing more than to believe him. But, as my eyes flooded again, I didn't know if I could.

"I swear to you on my life, I will never leave you again. No matter what happens in life, I want to be by your side through it all. I love you, Alice."

I couldn't move. The overwhelming desire to wipe all thoughts of this disaster from my mind slammed into me again as I stood, cheeks soaked with tears.

It was all I could do to remain standing, to choke out some words, and not collapse into a sobbing, over-emotional heap at his feet. "Jasper," My voice was deathly quiet, stuck in my throat. I tried again. "Jasper, I just don't know if I can-"

My words stopped abruptly. This couldn't be real.

He was there, kneeling down in front of me, pulling a silver ring from his pocket, the large diamond sparkling in the lights in the hallway.

"Alice Brandon," he said. I could feel a warm blush on my cheeks, and returned the small smile he gave me. "I love you. You are truly the center of my universe, and I can't live without you." His hand slipped from mine, and slid to rest on my lower abdomen. My baby. Our baby. "And after all, our baby needs a father. Will you, please will you marry me?"

My mind sped away from my current situation, away from this second proposal from the same man. Back to my memories. I could barely see Jasper through my thick tears, and the memories flashing before me.

Meeting him as the university, him carrying my books to my class.

My heel stuck in a grate, his delicately sliding the shoe from my foot, releasing the heel from the metal grate, reattaching it to my foot. His feather light touch against my ankle as he grinned up at me, my skin tingling.

The first time he asked me out. I tried to not seem desperate, took Rose's advice, and turned him down. His crushed look that broke my heart, making me give in, told him yes instead.

Our first kiss.

Dancing on the outdoor patio under the stars at Rose and Emmet's wedding.

Him, on his knee. Me, in tears, nodding my head yes.

His promises. Him, standing, pulling away from my grasp, slipping on his coat, leaving.

Me, in tears, lying broken on the floor as the door slammed. A scream of agony.

The mistakes I had made. He had forgiven me. He was here.

Doesn't he deserve the same?

Him, in front of me now, staring at me as I covered my teary face, nodding yes.

"Yes, Jasper," I choked out. "Of course, yes."

He slid the cool metal onto my left hand, my ring finger. I was in the air again, our lips meeting as he stood. His arms held me securely around the waist, my arms twining around his neck, one hand working through his hair, the other moving up quickly to join it.

Perfection. He was back, the man who left me. The person who broke my heart was back, and I was calling it perfection. But none of that mattered anymore. Nothing mattered except him, his breath, his lips, his fingers tracing lightly over the skin under the bottom of my blouse.

Not a word was spoken as we pulled apart, as he set me down. He took my hand, led me away.

Because perfect love doesn't mean perfection, but the ability to forgive, and to continue loving, no matter what. And it was perfection.

**Bella POV**

"Hey Edward," I called as the door to the apartment opened. I was seated in the living room, reading Jane Eyre. He followed my voice into the living room, and seated himself beside me, touching my lips with his softly.

"Alright, when I decided to follow in my father's footsteps and become a doctor at the hospital, I never thought that it would make me this tired," he said, stretching backwards, wiggling his fingers in the air. "Honestly, I could sleep for days."

"Look at the bright side; it's already Thursday. One more day and it's the weekend." I said, before pulling his face towards mine, pressing my lips to his again. Within minutes, we were in a similar situation as we had been last night on the couch.

"Wait. Hold on," he said, pulling back from me, although he kept his hands around my waist. "Where is Alice? Please tell me she isn't crying in her room again."

I ignored his question, pressing my lips to his again, in an attempt to delay the moment of truth.

It worked for a moment. One hand moved to my hair, his fingers began to knot in it, but he pulled back again. "Why wont you tell me where she is?" he said softly; even with such a simple question, his voice was velvety smooth.

I blushed heavily, knowing that he would not like the answer. Hoping to distract him, I traced my fingers down the row of buttons on his shirt, stopping just short of the top of his pants. He removed one hand from my waist and snatched my wrist.

"Bella, where is Alice?"

I gulped slightly, and looked away before speaking. "Alice is out right now."

"Out where?" He was on to me, and I knew it.

"I don't know, Edward. Sorry for not getting the full rundown before they left." I noticed my slip up the moment after I said it.

"They? Who is they?" He tilted my face towards his with a strong hand, but I kept my eyes averted.

"Alice is with Jasper," I said softly. There was silence for a moment, and he slowly removed his hands from my body, pulling back.

"Alice is with Jasper," he said slowly, and I nodded. Even though his voice was soft, I could hear the anger building in it as he spoke. "What the hell is she doing with _him_?"

Slowly, I looked up into his green eyes, which were, at this point, boring into my plain brown ones, angry, searching for answers.

"Look, Edward, just relax, please! When Alice and I got back from the hospital, he was here, and well, they worked this whole mess out. I don't see why you are so upset. They are happy; Alice is happy. Why is that a bad thing?"

"Why is it a bad thing? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You LET HER GO WITH HIM?"

"Of course I did, Edward. She is my best friend. What am I supposed to do, ban her from seeing him? Meddle in her love life? Look, her being with him is perfect. You and I always agreed that they were the perfect couple until-"

"UNTIL HE BROKE HER HEART AND DESERTED HER!" As he spoke, he jumped to his feet.

"He panicked, Edward! ALRIGHT? He just PANICKED! So lay off! This isn't about you, and it isn't about me. IT ISN'T OUR PLACE," I stood also; I couldn't remember a time ever being this furious with Edward.

"She's my sister!"

"SHE LOVES HIM EDWARD! GOD DAMN IT, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?"

"SHE MAY LOVE HIM, BUT HE SURE AS HELL DOESN'T LOVE HER!"

"Edward, listen to me! LISTEN!" I repeated as he started to turn away. "Edward, everyone has always seen them as the match made in heaven; that's because they are! The fact that she was able to forgive him proves that! Jasper isn't some monster for panicking. Sure, he left, and it was awful. But what matters is that he came back. He begged me to let him see her, so I did."

"You? YOU let him? YOU helped him plan how to get back with MY SISTER AFTER HE LEFT HER?" Color had risen into Edward's face as he stood in front of me, bellowing.

Tears of frustration stung my eyes. I knew he would be furious. After all, he thought that Jasper was terrible for leaving in the first place, and I really doubted that he would be as ready to forgive and forget as Alice was. But I never expected him to react this violently. I could feel the frustration building in me as I stared at him, and before I knew it, I was screaming as loudly as him.

"YES! I DID! BECAUSE IF YOU EVER LEFT ME, AND WANTED ME BACK, I WOULD WANT ALICE TO DO FOR ME WHAT I DID FOR HER! WOULDN'T YOU?"

"NO! I WOULDN'T! I WOULDN'T WANT ALICE TO TRY TO FIX THINGS WHEN THEY SHOULDN'T BE FIXED!"

"OH, SO YOU WOULD RATHER ME JUST NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN? NEVER GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TO APOLOGIZE?"

"I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO GO BACK TO _ANYONE_ WHO TREATS YOU LIKE THAT! NOT EVEN ME! I WOULDN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN IF IT'S JUST BECAUSE OF ALICE!"

As he spoke, his words cut through me like ice. "Oh, so the way you are treating me is so much better than what he did to her? Because at least Jasper had a pretty damn good reason to be upset." I shoved past Edward, and grabbed my purse off of the chair it was on. "All you have is the fact that your baby sister was smart, and gave theman of her dreams a second chance. " I slung my purse over my arm, and headed for the door, anger pulsing through every inch of my body, literally making me quiver.

"Where are you going?" He snapped, grabbing my wrist.

"I don't know, Edward. Away from here. Away from YOU. " I attempted to pull my arm out of his grasp, but he was too strong; I couldn't pull away. He spun me to face him.

"Damn it, Bella, don't you get it?!?"

"No, Edward, apparently I don't. What I do get, though, is that you just told me that if we had a fight, YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO FIX IT!"

Shock registered across his face as he realized exactly what he had said. His grip on my arm slackened for a moment, but tightened again quickly before I could pull away.

"Bella, I didn't mean… I just…. I would never…" he said, grappling for the right words as I tugged at my arm, trying to release myself from his grasp.

"What? You didn't mean to hurt me? You just freaked out? Panicked? Well, Edward, I can't think of _ANYONE _else we know who did that." I successfully extracted my wrist from his hand. With a huff, I turned back to the door, opened it, and was out in the hall before he could say another word. I got on the elevator, leaving a shocked, and thoroughly pissed off Edward behind me.

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**Well, I hope that you were as excited reading this chapter as I was writing it. Tell me what you think! Thank you again to all who comment. We are over 60! Yay!!!  
I have some very interesting surprises locked up in my head right now for this story, and I am doing my best to get them all out. More will be up soon!  
And a note to my friend Andrea, a very real life friend, who wont believe that this story is written by me. Yes, Andrea. It is really me. I told you so!  
Love to you all!**

**xoxo  
**


	12. Chasing Love

**So sorry for the long wait. This is a brand new chapter that I started a couple of days ago. Things have been crazy busy lately; got a part in a show, plus tons of work. Anyway, I hope you all love the chapter!****  


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Edward POV**

I waited for the sound of Bella's Volvo driving away, but when, after a few moments, I didn't hear it, I crossed to the window. Looking out, I was just barely able to make out Bella's retreating figure as she walked stoically through the heavy rain that was currently falling over Portland. Incredibly frustrated, but also not wanting Bella to get lost or hurt, I picked up my phone as I collapsed back onto the couch with a sigh. My first instinct was to call Alice; she would know what to do, but I didn't highly relish the thought of speaking to her at the moment, so I dialed Rose's number instead.

"Hello?" I heard Rose say, while Emmet called out behind her, asking who it was.

"Hey, Rose, it's me." I was surprised to find that my voice sounded weary and weak.

"It's Edward," Rose called to Emmet. "Anyway, what's up? Is everything alright?"

I groaned audibly. "Bella and I got in a fight," I muttered into the phone, feeling like an idiot for reacting so violently.

"Good lord, not you too! I swear to god, between you and Jasper, we will all be single by the end of the month!"

"What? No, Bella and I didn't break up. I mean, we just got into a fight. It's not that we-"

"Edward, relax," she said; I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "I didn't mean… I just thought… I was just kidding."

I could hear the slight worry in her voice as she quickly backpedaled. We didn't break up; it was ridiculous to even consider that.

"Look, Edward, what do you want me to do?"

"Can you just call her and make sure she is alright? Or do something? Find her?"

"Sure," she said. She thought I was overreacting; I could hear it in her voice. "I'll call her and find out where she is, ok?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Rose. I would have asked Alice, but things are a bit off between us right now."

"Oh, so _that's _what the fight was about. I figured."

I was surprised by her nonchalant tone.

"What do you mean?"

"Let me guess. Bella told you about Alice and Jazz being back together, and you flipped out. She got frustrated, you said something stupid, she started crying, and walked out."

I grumbled as she spoke, embarrassed at how accurate she was. It sounded even worse when she said it so bluntly. "Wait, you know about Alice and Jasper getting back together?"

She laughed quickly. "Of course, Edward. Alice called me not to long after it happened."

"Well?? Why aren't you upset? Am I the only one who _sees the problem in this??_"

"And then you wonder why Bella is pissed off at you," she grumbled, and I rolled my eyes.

"Just find her, alright?" I snapped. I never expected Rosalie, of all people, to forgive Jasper so easily.

"Fine, fine. I will call her. But I need you to promise me something."

I grumbled an assent.

"Don't fight her on this one, because, to be honest, she is right."

"Look, Rosalie, I wont fight her. But I don't want Alice to be-"

"That's my point!" She cut me off, and her voice was suddenly frustrated. "_You_ don't want Alice to be with Jasper. But that _isn't what matters_. What matters is that Alice wants to be with him, and he wants to be with her!"

"But-"

"No 'buts!' _You _don't want to see it happen, but it isn't up to you, Edward! You aren't her father! You are her brother, and I know you love Alice and everything, but if you really want what's best for her, you will just accept the fact that she is happiest with someone you no longer approve of. There isn't anything you can do to change it, Edward. So either accept it, or continue to piss off your girlfriend, and fight Alice on this one. Take your pick."

I groaned; a moment of silence ensued.

"What made you change your mind?" I asked.

"What?"

"What made you forgive Jasper? Why, after punching him, are you suddenly ok with this?"

"Because I talked to her, Edward. I have never heard her so genuinely happy in her life as she is now. She really does love him, Edward. Just like Bella loves you."

I groaned again.

"Do you still want me to find her? Or do you want to do the honors?" Rose asked after a few moments passed.

"I guess I will."

"Alright, Edward. Good luck." After a short pause, she spoke again. "Well, I guess I will talk to you later."

"Yeah. Oh, and Rose?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Thanks."

"Anytime, you idiot. Anytime."

With that, I hung up my phone, grabbed my keys and coat, and dialed Bella's number. As I left the apartment, locking the door behind me, I heard a click as Bella answered. There was silence other than the sound of her breathing, and the heavy rain falling around her.

"Bella? Where are you?" My voice was tight with concern as I stepped onto the elevator.

"Torrefazione," I heard her mumble. Her voice was thick; I could tell she had been crying.

"What? The coffee shop?'"

She mumbled an affirmative.

"Look, just stay there, alright?" My voice was pleading, hoping that this would not be another relationship-related disaster. I heard her mumble an agreement as I climbed into my car. The line went dead; she had hung up.

Nervous, quickly climbing to panic, I drove to the coffee shop. I was confused as to why, of all places, Bella had chosen this one, with their expensive cappuccinos served in Italian style mugs. She and I had, years ago, spent time here. It wasn't far from the university, and, even I had to admit, the coffee was delicious. But why would she be here?

As I parked, my heart slammed against my ribs. I quickly got out, stuffing my keys into my coat as I walked into the warm, aromatic coffee house. I peered around for a moment, searching for Bella, before spotting her seated in the very back. She was tucked up tightly in one of the arm chairs, the one across from her empty, a mug of coffee clutched between her two pale hands. She glanced up as I approached her, and glanced back down, her red eyes avoiding my gaze.

I quickly seated myself in the plush armchair across from her, the small table between us. Silently, she set the mug on the table, and continued to stare at her fingers as she twined them together.

"Bella…" I said softly, falling silent as she glanced up quickly. What was I supposed to say? What can you say? I was clueless.

Her gaze dodged mine as she began to speak. "I met you here six years ago. I spilled coffee on your anatomy notes as I walked by, and we ended up talking. You asked me out that same day. Six years ago, to the day."

She was right, I realized. November 27. In my Alice-related panic, this had completely evaded my mind.

"Bella, I-"

She cut across my words. "Five years ago, we introduced Rose to Emmet. Alice and Jasper met a year later. Rose and Emmet are married. Alice and Jasper are engaged, and have a kid on the way. And where are we? Where have we gone?" This last question was near silent; I had to strain to hear it. "No where. We are in the same damn place as we were six years ago, except more complicated and less free." Her voice was slightly stronger, but the tears were still evident as she spoke.

I shut my eyes as she spoke, and pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers.

"I never thought that-"

"Six years, Edward! Six whole damn years! You tell me that you love me. I live with you! But you never thought, not for a second, that we should _get married_? That thought never crossed your mind?!" Her voice was angry, but as she stared at me, the pain was clear.

"Bella, please, just slow down," I said, refusing to stop as she tried to cut across again. "Bella, of course I love you! You know that! We're just… I don't know, Bella. We're just taking it slow."

"No, Edward! It is beyond slow! You have been telling me that you love me for six _years_! AND NOTHING IS DIFFERENT THAN IT WAS THEN!" Her voice cracked with emotion as it rose; a man at a table not far from us glared over for making such a ruckus. I tried to ignore it, but Bella noticed, and blushed. She pulled her bag back over her shoulder, and stood. I followed her out silently, into the pouring rain. She glanced at my car, and stalked past. I hurried after her, and caught her by the wrist.

"Bella, this is insane! I love you! I have from the first moment I met you. You know that! Please." The heavy rain mixed with the tears on her cheeks as she peered up at me under the streetlight.

"That's just it, Edward. I know that I have been in love with you for six years, and that I always will be. But six years since I first met you, and we are exactly where we used to be. What if I was like Alice? What if I was pregnant? You would be gone, and I really doubt you would be back. At least they are engaged, Edward, but all we are is boyfriend and girlfriend. The closest thing to an official statement of us being together is the fact that I have a key to your apartment."

"_Our _apartment."

"_Your _apartment. And you said it yourself; you would never want me to go back to someone who treated me like this. That you wouldn't want to fix us after a fight. That you wouldn't want to pick up the pieces."

"Bella, I didn't mean it like that! Please, you have to listen to me!"

"My point is, Edward," she started, gulped, and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before looking at me again. "I don't know. Maybe we should just both take some time for ourselves. Maybe we both just need some space."

"Bella, are you-"

"I'm not breaking up with you, Edward, no. I just that we both need to just breathe for a little while. Just try and figure out what you want here, Edward. Who you want to be with you. Because right now, I'm not sure that I am the one you really want."

I watched, and listened, in horror. Could she possibly think that I would ever take _anyone_ except her? She must be insane. Self-conscious was one thing; I knew she never saw her real self, but to think that I didn't love her? To think that I could ever live without her? That was pure insanity.

"Bella…"

She shook her head slightly, and looked away.

"No matter what you choose, Edward, I will always love you. I want you to know that."

I nodded, and dropped my hand from her wrist as she turned. I watched, her delicate figure moving away from me, the rain falling in sheets between us. Each step of hers stung. She was taking step after step away from me. Leaving me behind.

I couldn't let her go.

After a few moments of watching her retreating figure, it blurred with rain and the stinging tears, I broke into a run, catching up quickly. My arms flew around her waist, spinning her to face me. She yelped with surprise and, for a moment, fear, before seeing it was me.

"Before you go, Bella, can I please ask you something?" I murmured, leaning my face down towards her, our foreheads almost touching. She nodded slightly. I held her tightly against me as I prepared to speak. The warmth of her body, radiating through her soaked clothes, penetrated into me, sending a tingle through me.

"Will you marry me, Bella?"

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**That's right. I left it there. Have fun guessing! And remember, I don't always do the obvious! Take guesses at Bella's reaction. I would love to hear what you all think.**

**Now, I have something to ask of you all. I really want to start up a second Twilight fan fic, but I am lost as to what I should write about. So, I am starting up a little contest. I want to hear your suggestions! Tell me what you think my second story should be about! Please do give me ideas. And, if I choose your idea, the story will be dedicated to you! I love you all, and I hope that you give me some amazing new ideas!**

And yes, the next chapter will have the answer to Edward's question, plus lots of good Alice/Jasper moments. I have some awesome ideas for what will occur between A and J. I think you all will love them. 

**Now give me ideas for a new story!!!!**

**xoxo  
**


	13. Decisions and Worries

**New chapter! Explanation as to why it took me so long to post is at the bottom. Read, Enjoy, Review!  


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**Edward POV**

"I…" Bella shook her head, staring at me, wide-eyed. "I'm sorry, what did you just say? Because I think I just had brain failure."

I chuckled, and twined my arms more tightly around her waist. "Will you, Bella Swan, marry me?" She was silent, apparently unable to move or speak. I gave a nervous grin. "Or do I need to get down on one knee?"

"Edward, I…" She blushed, and dropped her eyes, refusing to look at me. "I don't want us to get married-"

"What? You just said that you did!"

"I wasn't done, Edward."

She sighed, and reached behind her, unlatching my arms from her waist. Taking a step back, she released my wrists from her hands, still looking at her feet. Fear boiled in my stomach like acid as I waited for her to respond. Finally, Bella opened her mouth, and spoke again, her voice thick with restrained emotion.

"I don't want us to get married in an attempt to fix everything. That's all this is. You hadn't even considered marriage before I said anything, and the only reason you are proposing now is because you are trying to tape it all back together."

"Bella, that's not true. I really-"

"Yes, it is true!" Anger burst out as I tried to reach for her. She yanked back away from me, frustration reining her. "That's just it, Edward! It is too damn true! You never _wanted_ to get married! Now, if it's because you don't want to be with me forever, or because you just can't commit or something, I don't know." Her voice quieted as she spoke her next words. "That is for you to figure out. I can't make the decision for you." Bella took a step forward, and gently took my limp hand in hers. Finally, her eyes met mine, and she stood, frozen before me for a moment.

"I love you, Edward. I always will. Just…" Tears had started to spill from her eyes once more. "Just let me know when you figure out what you really want to do."

She dropped my hand, stepped even closer, and embraced me tightly. Although I never wanted to let her go, I couldn't seem to bring my arms up to wrap around her. I could hardly breath; this wasn't real. This wasn't _possible_. It couldn't be reality as Bella, a look of heavy disappointment and pain flooding her face, dropped her arms from my neck. She couldn't turn and walk away. And it couldn't really be me, standing in the thick rain, rooted, letting her walk away.

This was insanity. What the hell was wrong with this world?

**Jasper POV**

I could hear Alice calling something to me from somewhere in the apartment, but I couldn't make out the words.

"What?" I called back as I headed towards her end. I found her in the kitchen, and immediately rushed forward, wrapping my arms around her waist, and pulling her off of the counter that she had been standing on.

"What the hell were you doing?" I said, setting her on her feet. She crinkled her nose, and replaced her joking look with one of mock frustration.

"Looking for food! If your cabinets weren't so high, I wouldn't have had to climb up!" She took a few steps, and stopped on the ground in front of the tall cabinet she had been rummaging through. She took a few steps, and stopped on the ground in front of the tall cabinet she had been rummaging through. With a small jump, she pushed herself onto the counter again, seating herself on the edge. She grinned at me, and I couldn't help but crack a smile in return. "_And _what I had said was, 'don't you have _any _food here?' God, I am gone for a day, and everything falls apart!" She crossed her arms across her chest. "And the baby needs food!"

I raised an eyebrow, and chuckled. "What are you talking about? The cabinets are packed. You went grocery shopping just a couple of days ago." I opened a cabinet; inside was a wide variety of foods. "Want me to make you something?"

She nodded, and hopped off the counter, silently, she crossed to me, wrapped her arms around my neck as I bent to accommodate her small stature, and pressed her lips to mine. After a few moments passed, I pulled away, keeping my face within inches of hers.

"What was that for?"

"For being here," she said simply, smiling at me.

"Always." I kissed her softly once more, before pulling back, and crossing to the fridge. "So, what do you want to eat?"

She bit her lip for a moment, running her options through her mind, before deciding. "How 'bout some pasta? Do we have any?"

In response, I grinned, and grabbed a bag of dry noodles from a cabinet. She smiled, and headed out of the room, leaving me grinning, thankful, and blissful in the kitchen.

**Alice POV**

I trotted out of the kitchen, and into our bedroom. After a few minutes of rummaging through a drawer, I located a pair of silk pajama shorts, and a matching burgundy silk tank top. I slipped out of my jeans, shirt and bra, and quickly dressed, slipping a pair of comfortable slippers onto my feet, which were growing more sore by the day. Running my fingers through my short hair, I walked into the living room, picking up the copy of Vogue from the couch, exactly where I had discarded it when Jasper left. As I looked around the room, I realized that nothing had moved. Any sign of my life here had remained in its place. Even when he thought I would never come back, he hadn't attempted to erase my presence. I was shocked to find my eyes filling with tears at the hope he had clung onto. How could I have ever done this to him? I sat on the couch, and pulled my slipper-enclosed feet onto it, my knees drawn up, the thick magazine pressed in between my chest and legs. I felt silly for crying; it was all ok now, wasn't it? Why cry when the storm has passed? I brushed my palms against the moisture on my cheeks as Jasper entered the room, seating himself behind me. His arms wrapped around my curled form and pulled me against him; I melted against his gentle, strong embrace. I tilted my head up, pressing my lips against his neck. I could feel his arms tighten instinctively around me as my lips touched his skin. He brought one hand around to my chin, and titled my face so I was looking into his eyes.

"Why are you crying, Love?" he asked, his face mere inches from mine.

I shook my head, and blinked quickly. "Nothing. It's just... nothing. Don't worry about it."

"If it's hurting you, it's not nothing."

Smiling at his tenderness, I spoke. "It's just… I don't know. I'm… I'm just worried."

"Alice, I swear, I will never lea-"he started quickly.

"No, not that. I know that you are here. That you are staying. I am worried about _this_." I pulled back from his embrace, and dropped my feet off the couch. I lifted the bottom on my shirt, exposing the smooth pale skin of my stomach. "I don't know what to do with a baby. I don't even know how to change a diaper!"

Jasper chuckled, and placed a smooth hand on my stomach; his touch caused goose bumps to erupt across my skin, and he cracked a smile at me, enjoying my body's reaction. "Don't. We will learn. There are tons of classes, and books, and all sorts of stuff. Diapers? Easy. That wont be that difficult, and everything else… well, it will just-"

"Sure, we can learn that much. But, Jazz…" I placed my hand over his, and he flipped his over, entwining our fingers on top of my abdomen. "Jazz, I can learn to change diapers, and how to breast feed. I can read the books, take the classes, and buy the clothes. But Jazz, there aren't any classes for how to be a mom. Not just a mother, but a real mom. Someone who just _knows_ what to do when their baby is crying. No one can teach me that."

"You'll be a wonderful mom, Alice. I know it."

I looked into his eyes, a small frown twisting my lips. "You really think so?"

He released my hand, and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling my against him; his lips brushed against my temple. "Absolutely. Look at you! You are kind, goodhearted. I have never known a better person in my life. If course you will be a wonderful mother."

I smiled slightly as he brushed his lips against mine and stood. My moment of panic seemed unreasonable as I watched him turn, his calm face smiling lovingly. Things will be all right. They had to be.

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**I am so sorry that it took so long for me to get this one out! I had so much trouble deciding on exactly what I wanted to happen between Bella and Edward, and a rather unpleasant PM from a reader squished my will to write for a couple of days. Anyway, I got over it, and when I tried to upload this chapter, my computer wouldn't work, and I had to go the round-about way to get this up. Arggggg. Oh well, it is here now. I hope you love it as much as I do!**

**I also am working on the first chapter of my second story. I don't have a title for the story yet, but I will tell you all this: It is a all-human, present day love story, focused mainly on Bella and Edward, with some bits of Em/R and A/J moments thrown in. It is going to be much more light-hearted than Oh Baby Baby, although there will be some more dramatic moments. I am, after all, an actress. I can't resist a little bit of drama!**

**Well, I hope that you all enjoyed this! PLEASE review! I got such a pitifully small amount of reviews on the last chapter (although I am happy that I am steadily climbing toward 100) and I would really appreciate more comments from you people!**

**xoxo,  
beckaboowriter**


	14. Beauty and Pain

**Life is crazy. That is pretty much my only honest excuse for not posting sooner. I am soooo sorry! To all of my loving fans: forgive me! I still adore you all! Well, here is the newest chapter. To make up for it being so overdue, it is nice and long (six pages in word. Right on!) Read. Review. Enjoy.  


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Alice POV**

I awoke the next morning in a pleasant mood; for the first time in over a day I had eaten a decent meal the night before, and seeing Jasper across from me throughout the entire night made it nothing short of perfect. The sight of his pale, bare chest filled my eyesight as my eyes fluttered open, and, after a moment of enjoying this view, I sat up. No more than five seconds later did I regret this movement, as a wave of heavy nausea slammed into me with exceeding force. I saw a fleeting view of Jazz's eyes opening as I literally leaped off the bed. I ran to the bathroom, and was leaning over the toilet as Jasper entered. I was able to choke out a demand for him to leave the room before I started emptying my stomach and, due to his silence, I thought he had until I felt him sit behind me, his hand rubbing circles into my back.

Eventually, it stopped, and I flopped onto the floor, pushing Jasper's hand away from me.

"Jazz, please, just get out of here," I muttered against the cool tile of the bathroom. He disregarded my plea, and remained sitting on the floor as I pushed myself off the floor and stood.

"Seriously, Jasper," I said, glaring at him slightly over my shoulder as I squeezed a dollop of toothpaste onto my toothbrush. "Really, please leave."

"Why?" He said, standing, and wrapping an arm casually around my waist as I brushed furiously.

I spat toothpaste into the sink before meeting his eyes in the mirror. "_Because_," I started, pushing his arm off of my hips. "I look terrible. I feel terrible. I smell vile, and the last thing I want is for you to see me like this!"

He let out a loud laugh as I stamped my foot angrily.

"I'm serious, Jazz! Go," I said, resuming my brushing. He grinned at me proudly in the mirror, happy with his determination to stay. I rolled my eyes as he did so, and ignored him as I attempted to remove every bit of the remaining vile taste that lingered in my mouth. After brushing twice, and swishing mouth wash for a full four minutes, I felt slightly less unpleasant, and stalked out of the bathroom, Jasper on my heels. As I entered the kitchen, he caught me around my waist and spun me around, one hand resting on the small of my back, the other on my lower abdomen.

"Don't be mad, Love," he said softly, smiling slightly.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not mad, Jasper."

He chuckled, his eyes refusing to let mine go. "Too bad. I thought I was going to have to convince you."

Arching my eyebrows, I smiled. "I'd like to see that. I am a pretty stubborn person, Jazz."

He let out a laugh, and murmured the words, "Like I didn't know that," before pressing his lips strongly to mine, catching me by surprise, making me take a short gasp.

After a few moments, my fingers remaining twined in his hair, I pulled back slightly.

"What was that for?" I murmured softly, and Jazz grinned.

"To convince you to not be mad at me."

I smiled at him. "I told you that I wasn't mad."

"Alright, fine. That was for you being the incredibly beautiful, sweet, intelligent, and very sexy love of my life. That one work?"

I laughed, and blushed slightly, pressing my lips to his strongly, while his hands held my waist tightly. "Works for me."

After a few moments, I pulled away, separating from Jasper completely. To answer his questioning look, I grimaced. "We have _work_, Jazz."

He scrunched up his face, and gave an aggravated sigh. "Damn work. Can't I just quit and stay here with you?"

"No," I replied sharply as I walked into the kitchen, him on my heels. "We have a baby coming. We need the money. And anyway, you staying here would do you little good. I'm headed to the shop today." He gave another disgruntled sigh as I grinned and poured a tall glass of orange juice. I took a long sip of the sweet, tangy juice before looking up at him. "Don't be like that, Jazz. We both need to go to work; Rose might kill me if I miss another day. Plus, you are new at the college; you can't miss too many days."

Jasper grumbled, shot me a breathtaking grin, and headed to the bathroom; moments later, I heard water pour from the showerhead. I pressed the cool glass to my lips, tipping my head back, downing the rest of the tangy juice before pouring another full glass. Glass in hand, I made my way towards the living room, curling into the corner of the couch, and reopening the copy of Vogue that I had tossed onto the glass coffee table last night. Seeing as my "work" was running a small fashion boutique with Rosalie, I didn't need to get ready as quickly or early as Jasper did, who had to be at school in time for an 8:00 class.

Before even flipping through five pages, I had drained the glass of orange juice. I pushed the magazine off my lap, and trotted into the kitchen, leaving my glass on the table. I brought out the carton of orange juice, filled my glass again, and set the carton beside it on the table.

Within a half hour, I had scribbled notes across a thick portion of pages in Vogue in sparkling magenta ink, and drank another full glass of juice. As I flicked over a few more pages, I heard the bedroom door open, and Jasper's footsteps traveling towards me. He appeared in the doorway of the living room, dressed in slacks, a white shirt, and a deep red tie. I glanced up at him and grinned, then followed his eyes to where they had fallen: the carton of orange juice.

"Alice… orange juice? I thought you hated that stuff."

I shrugged, leaned forward, and lifted the glass off the table. After taking a long sip, I licked my lips and spoke. "I don't know. I guess I was wrong about it. It's… fantastic."

Jazz chuckled, and came around the couch to me. He seated himself on to couch beside me, and tilted my head up, pressing his lips firmly to mine. As my head grew steadily lighter, and my breathing quickened, one of Jasper's hands removed the glass from my grasp as I head a slight thud as he set it on the table, his lips never leaving mine. After a few more moments of pure ecstasy, he pulled away softly, leaving a soft smile on both of our lips.

Keeping my face directly in front of his, he whispered, "I love you."

I grinned widely, and repeated his words. Silently we sat, holding a steady gaze between us, before he finally sighed and glanced at his watch.

"You have to go, don't you?"

"I'm sorry, love," he murmured.

I pecked his lips quickly and worked my way out of his grasp. "It's alright." I gave a smile. "I'll see you tonight, Jazz." He leaned over and kissed me once more before standing up, grabbing his briefcase, and slipping on his coat. He called out the words "I love you," over his shoulder once more before leaving the apartment.

I remained sitting for a moment, enjoying the tingling sensation that was dancing on my lips. Eventually I stood, stretched and, taking my glass and carton of orange juice with me, headed to the bathroom. I stripped off my pajamas, and blasted the shower. After I had showered, shaved my legs, styled my hair and applied my make-up, my entire readying process came to a screeching halt. Clothes. All of my decent clothes were at Bella and Edward's apartment. When I had quickly deserted Bella and Edward's, I hadn't bothered to gather up any of my belongings; they were currently stashed in my suitcase in the spare room in the apartment.

After looking through multiple drawers, I was able to piece together an outfit; not a decent one, but it was better than nothing. The jeans were out of style; their leg wasn't slim and tight, but wider at the bottom, and less than a perfect fit in the back. I had on a plain yellow v-neck t-shirt that I hadn't bothered to take with me when I had left. Knowing that I couldn't go to work like this, I called Bella, hoping that Edward would be gone by then, but that Bella was still at home. I wasn't ready to face Edward, and most likely his fury, just yet.

**Bella POV**

I woke up to my phone ringing and quickly sat up from my makeshift bed. I scrambled forward and leaned over the center consol of my car. Stretching forward, I was just barely able to nab my phone off the dashboard. I answered quickly, and did my best to not sound as awful as I felt.

"Hello?"

"Bella? What's wrong?" Alice asked. Well, there went my attempts on trying to fake wellness.

"Nothings wrong. Why would anything be wrong?" I lied fully, and thankfully she couldn't see my face; it was bright red.

"Oh… um, never mind. You just sounded… forget it. It's fine." I breathed a soft sigh of relief, thankful that Alice wasn't pushing the subject. "Anyway, I was hoping I could swing by and get my stuff. Is that alright?"

Damn. I had completely forgotten that Alice would need to pick up her belongings. I couldn't go back if Edward was still there, but I also knew that I reveal that bit of information to Alice. After a few seconds of stammering, I was able to get out a full response. "I… I, well- sure. Sure, just give me some time to get ready, ok? I look awful right now." This was partially true; I knew I must have looked terrible. Truthfully, I needed the time to get back to the apartment and fake normality. As Alice thanked me, I climbed into the front seat of the car, ignoring the pinching pain in my back; that's what I get for sleeping in the backseat of a car.

Alice hung up and I snapped the phone shut, starting up the car. I drove as quickly as possible, and reached the apartment's underground parking lot within 20 minutes; thankfully, Edward's car was no where in sight. He must have already headed to work. As I got out of the car and made my up towards the apartment, I felt like some sort of traitor, as if I didn't belong here at all. I suppose I _didn't _belong, or at least for now. I had left; I had made the decision to walk away and not look back, but here I was. At least Edward was gone; his being here would have made this any harder than it already was. My heart thundered in my chest as I got on the elevator. At any moment, I expected someone to grab me by the arm and send me away, saying "You left; you don't belong here anymore. Leave now." No one did. All the same, glimmers of nausea rushed over me as I slipped the key, which had remained in my pocket from last night, into the hole, and turned it. The door clicked, and I opened it slowly, half hoping to see Edward's tall figure inside. He wasn't there, of course, and no one knew that, as I shut the door behind me, I almost passed out. No one knew that tears leaked from the corners of my eyes as I stood, staring at the empty apartment. No one knew how stupid I felt for refusing, how angry I was that he had never realized what I wanted before. No one knew how much I wanted things to be different.

Slowly, I gained control of my rapid breath, and glanced at my watch. There wasn't time enough for me to pack any belongings and get them to my car before Alice came. I would have to live off of what I had for now; in the passenger seat of my Volvo, I had a small duffle bag that I had packed rapidly last night. I arrived home before Edward made it back, and had quickly shoved a few articles of clothing into the bag, before getting in my car, and leaving behind a life that I never wanted to let go of, and may never get back. As I slowly walked through the rooms, I realized that I must look like absolute crap; if nothing else did, my appearance would clue Alice in.

I hurried to the bathroom, and yanked a brush through my hair, and splashed my face with water, rubbing at my cheeks, erasing the tear stains. That lingered from the night before. After drying off my face, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My skin was pale, even more so than usual, and my eyes had a slight pink twinge to them. I just hoped that Alice would be so exuberant and happy to be back with Jasper that she wouldn't notice. Although I knew the odds that she would be so thrilled that she wouldn't notice were slim, it was all I _could _do. It would be near impossible to convince her that I was all right if she noticed anything.

As I promised myself to not shed a single tear in front of Alice, I heard the buzzer go off, and hurried to the door. I buzzed her in, and, in a few moments, opened the door to reveal a bouncing, grinning, and practically glowing, Alice. She embraced me tightly, and I faked a grin.

"Well, you look chipper this morning."

"Yup!" She grinned back, clearly not noticing the puffiness that resided in my eyes, the deep circles beneath them. "Thank you so much for letting me come by."

"Oh, yeah, of course. No problem." Another lie. I let my hair fall forward, creating a shield from Alice's gaze as my cheeks reddened slightly.

As Alice hurried to the spare room to gather her belongings, I made my way to the kitchen. "Alice," I called in her direction. "You want anything to eat?"

"What?" She hollered back.

"Do you want anything to eat?"

"I would _love _some orange juice."

I pulled a glass from the cabinet, set it on the counter, and opened the refrigerator. I felt, once again, like an intruder or thief as I took four eggs from the fridge, and pulled out the orange juice. What choice did I have though? I had to fake it well.

Quickly, I cracked open the eggs and beat them together, adding in a splash of milk and a pinch of garlic powder, along with a couple other seasonings. As I set a pan on one of the stove burners, Alice called out to me again. At first I couldn't tell what she was saying, and as I sliced butter and dropped it into the heated pan, she called louder.

"Alice, I have no idea what you're saying. If you want to talk, come in here!"

She walked into the kitchen slowly, and I didn't turn to look. Instead I continued to push the fast-cooking scrambled eggs around in the pan.

"Bella…" she said softly. I bit my lip and blushed; thankfully she saw neither of these reactions. "Bella, what happened?"

I cleared my throat nervously. "What are you talking about Alice?"

"All the drawers in the bedroom are pulled out. Why are some of your clothes gone? What happened?"

The plate I had been dishing eggs onto fell to the ground; with a large _crack_ it shattered into pieces, sending pieces of egg and shards of ceramic material scattering across the floor.

Without turning to face Alice, without moving at all, I spoke. "Why were you in Edward's bedroom?"

"_Edward's_ bedroom?" She noticed my choice of words instantly. "I was looking for one of my shoes, alright? Now what is going on?"

"Nothing. Nothing is going on, alright?" Embarrassment and anger were building inside of me; I squinted my eyes shut in an attempt to hold back my always-ready tears.

"Isabella Marie Sawn, you had better te-"

I spun around, and faced a stubborn and worried looking Alice. I could literally hear the blood pulsing through me, and as I stood, hands shaking, eyes tearing and burning, my head pounding, a wave of embarrassment and fury slammed into me. "JUST SHUT UP!" My voice cracked as I screamed, and Alice stepped back, clearly shocked.

"Bella…" Her voice was softer now, in an attempt to sooth me. "Bella, it will be ok. Whatever is going on here, it will all turn out-"

"NO!" Sobs came out fully now, and I let the tears flow, unabashed. My voice, louder than I wanted it, sounded foreign to my ears, I couldn't control my voice, my motions. "Don't say that it will all be ok, because it _wont_. What the hell am I supposed to do without him, Alice? He was… was my everything." My voice faltered and died, leaving both of us silent.

"He… He left you?" Alice finally asked. I looked away, and tore off two paper towels from the roll. I bunched them in my hand and knelt down. Silently I gathered up the bits of plate and egg, and dumped them in the trash, attempting to ignore Alice's steady gaze.

"Did he le-" she began to repeat her question, but stopped as finally, slowly, I shook my head. "What do you mean h-"

"I left. It was me. I'm not even supposed to be here right now." To defer her questioning for a matter of seconds, I handed Alice the orange juice. She took a long gulp before looking up at me.

"I don't get it, Bella. I thought you loved Edward. What happened?"

"I _do _love Edward." As I spoke, I made my way to the living room, and seated my self gingerly on the couch. It was strange, to be agonizing over the current turn in my life, sitting in this room, on this couch. The place where Edward and I had shared so many tender moments. His touch, his smell, his smile, pushed forward into my mind. "I just couldn't do it Alice. He didn't want me here anymore. Not just here, but anywhere. He is done with me. I made it easier for him by leaving."

"That's crazy, Bella. How could you possibly think that he doesn't still love you? That he hasn't always, and will always, love you?"

"Because he doesn't Alice! In all the time we have been together, he never thought once about marrying me. He never even _considered_ marrying me. So, I want him to figure things out. I know what I want. It's his turn to decide where he wants to go in life, and if I am part of that. I know I'm not, so I made it easy and left."

"He really does love you, Bella. I know it. Everyone can see it except you! And- wait… if you left… where did you sleep last night?"

I had truly and sincerely hoped that my whereabouts would not come up. I blushed and averted my eyes as I spoke. "Well, I… I didn't have the strength to find a hotel… so I just… I just slept in the car."

"The _car_?? Oh my God, Bella?! Why? You should have just-" She stopped speaking instantly. We had both heard it: A key in the lock of the door. We both heard the door open, and the sound of footsteps drawing closer. And we both saw a shocked, confused and weary looking Edward enter the room.

**Love it? I hope so! I know I do! Well, let me know what you think. Again, thanks so much for reading my story. I am starting on a new one, and I will _hopefully_ have the first chapter up soon. It starts out pretty dramatic, but I promise you that it will be beautiful in the end. Have an awesome day. Peace!**

**xoxo  
**


	15. Topsy Turvy Love

**Let's face it: I don't post often enough. My life is super-crazy-busy lately, and I am really really sorry to all of my amazing readers that I have not posted for so long. I PROMISE that I will do my absolute best to get the next chapter out as quickly as humanly possible. Don't stop loving me (or my story!) for the lack of time management in my life! Love to you all!**

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**Bella POV**

I sat frozen, as did Alice, and Edward came into the room. His eyes focused on me, dashed to Alice, then back to me. My breath seemed to freeze in my chest and throat; my muscles worked against my mind, which was screaming inside of me to get out as quickly as possible. I slowly looked over at Alice, who gave me a slight nod.

Finally, after multiple uncomfortable moments had passed, Alice looked up at Edward. "Hey," she said softly, barely above a whisper.

"What are _you _doing here?" His voice sounded, not shocked, not thankful, but… angry. I expected this question to have been directed at Alice, but, as I slowly looked up, I realized that his eyes were settled on me. My stomach churned as his piercing green eyes continued to bore into my brown ones. I stared back openly, trying to read his expression, understand what was forming behind his eyes; I couldn't. Never before had I felt so shut out by him. It hit me in that moment: He had done what I had asked; he had thought about it. He had decided and I wasn't in the plan. The proposal would never come. It was over. As this truth washed over me, my eyes began to sting with tears, and I felt my cheeks heat with a blush. As I lowered my eyes from his, Alice began to speak again.

"It was me. I… I didn't know about what had happened, and I asked Bella to let me come over and get my stuff. Don't blame her, it isn't-" I cut across her words, keeping my eyes fixed firmly on my hands, which twined around each other in a constant, nervous motion.

"Sorry Edward." My voice was soft, but surprisingly steady. "You're right. I shouldn't be here. I just came by to help out Alice. I shouldn't have come." As I spoke these final words, I stood, and gave Edward a tentative smile. Taking in a deep breath, I shut my eyes, willing my tears to not spill over until I was in the safety of my car, I quickly made my way out of the room. Before I could humiliate myself even further, I opened the door and stepped out into the hall, slamming it shut behind me.

There was a part of me, a rather large part, that hoped, almost believed, that at any moment Edward would come bursting out of the apartment, and forcefully kiss my lips, making them tingle while begging me to stay.

But he didn't come. I stood, my arms crossed around my middle in a pitiful attempt to hold myself together, tears streaking down my face. As the elevator door opened, I slipped the key from my pocket and, with all the force possible from my shaking arms, threw it at the glossy wood door. Slowly, I stepped into the elevator, staring at the still-closed door of the apartment.

We lived in to different worlds now. Edward, and the love we had shared, had been torn brutally from my world, and I knew it was never coming back.

**Edward POV**

The world had ended, so why was there still motion, still life? There was still air flowing in and out of my lungs, and my blood still pounded through my veins. Tears still stung my eyes, and Alice continued to stare at me with disgust. I was unable to move, unable to speak the words I had planned to say when I was forced to converse with my pixie-like sister. As I sank onto the couch, Alice shoved past me. I could distinctly hear her slamming loudly in the guest room, and minutes later she emerged, her suitcase in hand. Slowly, with an exceeding amount of effort, I looked up into her livid face.

"How _could_ you, Edward?" Her voice was quiet but strong, serrated. I squeezed my eyes shut momentarily before meeting hers once more.

I sat, silently staring, unable to choke out my words, for what seemed like an eternity before Alice turned with a snort of disgust and left the apartment, slamming the front door behind her.

Never before had I felt this much pain. She couldn't be gone. Now I understood how Jasper felt, what had happened. One simple mistake, a moment of panic and wrong words, and it was all gone. My reason for living was gone from my life.

Bella.

Bella.

Bella.

It hit me in that moment, as the heavy silence of the apartment pressed in on my eardrums painfully, that, without Bella, my life was truly over.

I needed to get her back, and I knew she would never come.

**Bella POV**

My breathing was shallow and loud as tears streaked down my face. I drove, probably too quickly for my own good, down the slick road. I couldn't stop. I couldn't look back. It hurt too much already. Looking back, seeing the possibility of the life I loved, the life I needed, shrinking into the distance would have been to painful. It would push me over the brink.

I could hear my phone ringing loudly on the passenger seat, but I couldn't peel my hands from the wheel, my eyes from the road. Finally, when I was barely able to control the car through my sobs, I pulled to the side of the road, and collapsed into a muddled heap of sobbing gasps and tears. I drew my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around my stomach, and sank down on the seat in a cramped position.

It was all I could do to breath, to not stop the flow of air running through my lungs then and there.

Without him, my world was over.

**Alice POV**

I had called a total of 9 times before I finally threw the phone harshly onto the empty seat beside me with a grumble.

Had this been what it was like for Bella to watch, terrified for her best friend, as Jasper walked away? Had she felt the same dread and fear for me, as I did for her? Had the look of sheer agony that plastered her face been present on mine? I knew it had. I now I understood the steaming anger that Rose had felt. The urge to pummel the bastard until he realized his mistake, and went crawling for redemption to the girl he truly belonged with.

But there was nothing I could do, and I knew it. This was Edward, the most stubborn creature ever known to walk the face of the planet. His mind was clearly made up and, unfortunately, I knew there was nothing I could do to change it.

As I reached home, my stomach grumbled loudly. I cracked a small smile as I looked down at my still-flat stomach. What my stomach lacked in a baby-bump, it was making up for in appetite. I had found myself snacking constantly, and getting shaky with hunger nearly every three hours if I didn't eat. After parking the car, I shoved my phone and keys into my large purse, got out and removed the suitcase from the backseat. I trudged my way up to the apartment, lugging my suitcase noisily behind me, not caring if the thudding it made against the ground bothered anyone.

I eventually reached the apartment and slipped the key into the lock, shoving my door open with my shoulder. I yanked the bag through the doorway. Deciding that it was more important to get some food in my system rather than lug my bag to the bedroom and unpack, I worked my way to the living room and dropped the weight onto the floor with a slight thud. I hurried to the kitchen, and pulled out the first item that caught my eye: pizza from a few nights ago. I shut the refrigerator door and placed the cold pizza on a plate, which I popped into the microwarve oven. As the plate circled on the turning plate, I filled a large glass with water. I looked at the water resentfully, wishing I could be enjoying a more interesting and, in my mind at the moment, beneficial alcoholic drink. Instead, I sipped the cool water and, when the timer went off, slipped the pizza from the oven carefully, and carried my make-shift meal into the living room. My mind was blissfully blank as I consumed the food. It was only when my phone began to ring that I finally broke from my trance-like state and stood. I hurried and got my phone, and answered quickly.

"Hello?" I said.

"Alice? Where the hell are you?"

I took me a moment to realize what Rose was talking about. The clock read that it was well past 11, and I had promised to be in by ten. After a quick apology, and a promise of filling her in later, I hung up and hurried to get ready, I was at the shop about 40 minutes later, hair spiked, and a stellar outfit put together, if I do say so myself.

The moment I walked in, Rosalie practically tackled me with a hug; it was the first she had seen of me after the horrible incident. Ignoring the questioning looks of the couple of customers milling around the boutique and our two assistants, Sherry and Louise, Rose questioned me loudly about my state of health, the baby, and Bella. After a detailed explanation of all, Rosalie muttered angrily about Edward, using a full range of her colorful vocabulary.

"Hey! Watch the words. We have a little one with us," I joked. For a moment, Rose furrowed her brow before realizing what I was talking about. She poked my abdomen softly and let out a laugh.

"Sorry Alice… and baby," she said over her shoulder as she scurried over to a customer, who was toeing the line of deciding whether or not to purchase a particular scarf. I listened for a moment to Rose's sale pitch; within moments, the potential customer was grinning. Leave it to Rose to convince the woman that without this _particular_ scarf, life just would not be worth living.

My thoughts worked their way back to Edward and Bella. It didn't make any sense; it was beyond all irony and reason. Two beautiful people who were both madly in love with each other refused to believe the other's love, no matter how pure it may be. Bella, who never saw herself as the beautiful and lovely creature she is. Edward saw her for what she was: a pure, honest, and perfectly lovely being, someone who could complete him. No matter what he said, she never truly trusted his adoration and commitment.

Not to say that Edward was doubtless in the relationship. He always thought Bella was too good. "She deserves better," he had once said. When I asked him what he meant, he told me that "She could never love me. She shouldn't love me. She deserves someone better than me, someone as good as her." And no matter how much she longed for him, and how much she loved him, he never thought he could be so lucky as to be blessed with such an angel.

And the worst part of it was that, no matter what I did, I could not force them to see themselves truly. I couldn't make them love themselves, and I couldn't open their eyes. There was nothing I could do.

Taking in a deep breath, I placed my hand on my abdomen and thought to my baby. _You are beautiful, no matter what._ _Never forget that._ I just hoped that, when this baby entered the world, they would know their beauty well enough to be able to truly love life, and all that they are given.

Pushing my morbid thoughts of Bella and Edward away, I placed a smile on my lips and walked towards a customer.

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**This is for all of those who are thinking "This is an Alice and Jasper story. Focus on them only!" Sorry to tell you, but that isn't going to happen. When I first started writing it, as I may have told you all before, it was a Bella and Edward story (Bella was pregnant... you all get what I am saying). I am sorry if you don't like me focusing on more than just two characters, but that is how I am writing it. I hope you all love this chapter as much as I do!**

**As any writer would, I love getting feedback on my chapters. What I do _not _enjoy, however, is being told that they are too short. I am not going to make them longer for the sake of being longer; I have said this before. I write what I feel, and if it is a bit shorter than most chapters, so be it. I love hearing from all of you, but please please please don't tell me to lengthen my chapters. Thanks, lovelies!**

**I hope everyone's lives are fantastic! Read and review! I will post more soon.**

**xoxo  
**


	16. Broken Angel

**Woohoo! New chapter! Sorry that it has taken so long... life is complicated, and my mind hit a dead end for a while with this story. No worries, though. I am back on track, and I know where I am headed with it! I hope you love the chapter... read and review, my loves!  


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**Bella POV**

It wasn't due to any decrease if horror, fear and aching that my tears finally stopped. I suppose I finally ran out of water. After sucking in multiple shaky breaths, I sat up slowly, doing my best to ignore the powerful headache that had formed. I glanced at my phone on the seat and slowly, almost scared to know who had been calling me so persistently while I cried, picked it up. Mixed emotions flooded over me when I saw that it was Alice who had called, not Edward. Part of me felt relief; at least he wasn't drawing it out. The rest of my pathetic self, however, wanted to collapse back into my cramped fetal position and cry some more, and reside in the beautiful melancholy of a broken heart.

I rested my head against the steering wheel for a minute before rubbing at my eyes to expel the soreness that resided there, and sitting up properly. I started the car and began my journey. I didn't think of where I was going for close to 40 minutes. As I glanced up at a sign over the freeway I was on, I realized where I was headed. Some part of me, the strange, subconscious portion of my mind, had decided to lead me home, to lead me to Forks.

The drive was unpleasantly long, and a drenching rain made it no easier. I didn't stop for food; all appetite was gone. It was nearing five when I finally exited the freeway, passing the "Welcome to Forks" sign not long after. Being back here made the whole situation drastically and hideously real. I had left this town years ago, met Edward and promised to only return for Christmas with my parents. No acceptations. Everything was more vivid with Edward, as if he had turned on a light in my life. It was more exciting, more alive. I had promised that I would keep it that way, never let it go, and do my best to leave the boring version of Bella behind me.

That plan did not work, as was now obvious. I had never left my boring side; that was me. I was dull and plain, nothing special about me. Edward had finally realized it, and these were the consequences. This, this pain and anguish, this was how love and passion ended.

I couldn't go to my parents' house, not yet. I wasn't ready for that. I could not yet bear the comforting words my mom would say, and the looks my parents would exchange. That would put a nail in the coffin; it would be the final straw. My parents, and all of their love and comfort, would have to wait.

Instead, I steered my car in the opposite direction, towards the reservation. Although I had not seen Jacob in close to a year, going to him now seemed incredibly natural. The sleeting rain was still pelting the earth when I pulled up in front of Jacob's old house. He had never moved away, inheriting the house when his father passed away three years ago. I had come in for the funeral; it was one of the few times I had seen Jacob since I had moved away. I sat in the car, engine and lights off, staring up at the house. It looked the same as ever; this seemed strange. After my whole world had changed so greatly, my heart and soul shredded, the fact that everything around me was still working in tandem was discomforting. It felt as if the world should have stopped when Edward spoke those final words, when my life fell apart.

As I stared, I was surprised to find tears streaking down my cheeks once again; I hadn't even noticed them starting this time. I took in multiple deep breaths and wiped my cheeks and eyes with my sleeve. Yanking my hood over my head, I stuffed the keys into my coat pocket and got out of the car. The hood did little to keep me dry; the wind was blowing fiercely, causing the rain to douse my face and hair at an angle, stinging my cheeks.

I made my way up the front path carefully in the oncoming darkness, and, when I reached the front door, knocked my fist against the wooden door soundly. For a moment there was silence, before the door opened. Standing inside was Jacob, his broad, russet face peering down at me, not believing his eyes fully. I pushed the hood off my head and shoved my wet hair away.

"Bella?" His voice was quiet, barely audible over the wind and rain, not believing my presence. It ignited me like a flame and, before I could stop myself, I launched myself forward, wrapping my wet arms around his middle and pressing my head into his broad chest. He stumbled backwards slightly, shocked by my bold move, but wrapped his arms firmly around me all the same. I was shaking with sobs again, and there was nothing I could do to hold them back.

My body was shaking violently as he released me from the hug and scooped me into his arms, bringing me inside and closing the door behind us. I continued to shake and sob as he brought me into the living room and seated himself on the couch, me on his lap.

"Jake... I'm so sorry, Jake… It's just…" I chocked over my words as I tried to explain through my tears.

His shushed me softly and pulled me against him, my cheek resting against the crook of his neck. We didn't speak for what seemed like an eternity. He merely held me in his strong arms, reminding me horribly of how Edward would cradle and soothe me when I was apprehensive or troubled; the tears came even harder. Through my gasps and shaking, Jacob's voice penetrated my mind. He repeated the words over and over, a soothing and questioning mantra, "It's alright. What happened? It's going to be alright." Moments passed and I pulled myself into check. Slowly, starting from the beginning of my time with Edward, retelling our beautiful and broken love story, passing along Alice and Jasper's fallout and reconnection, the tension that had formed throughout the past few months between Edward and me, as my dream of marriage became more and more unlikely, the picture of a beautiful green eyed son disappearing. I told him of what I wanted, of what I would never receive from Edward, of how, when reality finally caught up with us, everything fell apart. I told him of the looks Edward received from beautiful girls when he and I were out, from woman more lovely and deserving of his perfection than I would ever be. I told him of my love and devotion, and how Edward, for so long, had lit up my world. Edward had been a bright star that flashed across the sky; now that he was gone, my world had been filled with darkness, and the brilliance of him had left my eyes unused to the compressing darkness. My heart continued to pour and spill as I sat with Jacob, his arms wrapped around me securely, holding me together.

Finally, I brought my tale to and end and sank back, collapsing into Jacob's chest.

"He is a damned bastard, who doesn't realize that he left the best woman a man could ever hope for," Jacob said after a few moments of silence. "He is idiotic, mentally insane, an enormous asshole, completely stupid-"

"That's not true. I was the stupid one," I mumbled, shifting off of Jake's lap and onto the couch beside him. "I was stupid to elude the truth, the plain and simple truth. It… it never was real. Not for him at least." As I spoke these final words, my voice cracked, and tears welled up in my eyes. I shut them, trying to hold back the moisture, but it was no use; they spilled over and trickled down my cheeks once again. I buried my face against Jacob, enjoying and hating the feeling of his strong arms around me, hating that it reminded me of Edward, hating myself for loving Edward so strongly, even now.

***

My eyes fluttered open slightly. The living room was dark now, and I was curled on my side on the couch; Jacob was laying a thick blanket over me.

"What time is it?" I mumbled.

"Almost nine. You fell asleep. How about you just spend the night here?" Jake said softly. Having finished covering me with a blanket, he kneeled down beside me, lifted my head off the couch slightly with one large hand and slipped a pillow underneath me. A gave a soft smile of appreciation, too tired and beaten to do much more. He stroked my hair softly and stood up.

"Goodnight, Bella."

I mumbled a quiet "goodnight," and shut my eyes, drifting quickly into an uneasy but heavy sleep.

***

My eyes opened; the room was golden and aglow, and my vision was filled with the beautiful image of Edward's bare and chiseled chest. I took a deep breath in, inhaling his delicious scent. I shifted, scooting higher up, so my lips rested near his neck. I looked up through my lashes, and smiled into his unbelievably beautiful face.

His brow furrowed as my smile slipped, drawing back what I had dreamt.

"What's wrong, love?" he asked me, his voice clear and beautiful, causing my stomach to flip.

"Nothing. Just a bad dream." He cocked his head slightly, and wrapped his arms around my naked waist, pulling me on top of him.

"Want to tell me?" I shrugged my shoulders. His expression urged me to comply and tell him, so I did.

"It's nothing, really. I just… I dreamt that you were gone, that you left me."

A soft smile slipped across his face as he arched his head forward and pressed his lips firmly to mine. "I will never leave you, Bella. I love you. Always."

"You promise?"

"Of course, love."

I leaned forward to kiss him again. He pulled me further forward on top of him, but as our lips met, he froze, his entire body becoming tense. His touch was fading, the feeling of his lips becoming slighter and slighter until it was gone all together. I opened my eyes and he was translucent beneath me, growing fainter as each second passed.

"No, Edward. Edward! EDWARD!" My voice cracked as I screamed, trying to clutch on to his disappearing form. "EDWARD!" My hands clawed at where his chest was just moments ago, but they grasped nothing but sheets. His scent, his presence, his love and feel were gone, slipped from my touch and memory. My voice pierced the air again. "EDWARD!"

"Bella! Bella!" I could hear a voice calling to me, trying to pull me away. I clutched onto the sheets harder, screaming and writhing. I could feel tears racing down, soaking the bedding beneath me. My center felt ripped, torn, excruciatingly incomplete. "EDWARD! EDWARD! EDWARD! Please, please, EDWARD!"

"Bella, Bella, wake up! Wake up, come on Bella! BELLA! BELLA!"

My eyes snapped open, my last screams still ringing in the room. Jacob's hand were shaking me slightly, clutching my shoulders. Even as he released me, I continued to shake violently, sobbing uncontrollably. "Edward…" I whispered, my voice chocked and harsh. Jacob shifted me, lifting me slightly and resting my head on his chest as he lay down on the couch beside me. As he rubbed my back, soothing and calming me, I shook and choked with sobs. I lay, one arm wrapped around my middle, my head slamming and pounding heavily. As we lay, one word constantly fell to my lips, even though the sound of it ripped me apart more each time.

"Edward… Edward… Edward."  


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**So there is that... nice and cheerful, right? Well, I hope that you loved it. Review it please. Thank you again to everyone who is taking the time to read my writing. I DO have two new stories in the works. It is just a matter of finding the time to get my thoughts written out, but I will try to get them up soon. I promise that Alice and Jasper will be in the next chapter; sorry for those who are missing the darling couple in my story. I am just in a very Bella/Edward mood lately. Anyway, love to you all. **

**xoxo  
**


	17. Searching

**Hello lovelies! I hope you are all doing well. As always, a huge thanks for reading my simple story, and for taking the time out of your day to help make mine a little better. Sorry for not posting. We all know how rough a busy schedule can be. Next chapter is in the works! I have a plan, and, trust me, there will be a lot of *gasp!* "Oh no way!!!!" going on as you all read it. Well, read on! Drop in a comment; it makes my day.  


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**Jacob POV**

Bella. My Bella. Kindhearted, whole, pure. He had broken her. Destroyed her. Ripped her apart. Even if she did, I knew that I would never forgive him. As I stood, watching my broken friend as she slept, I promised myself to do everything I could to hurt that bastard if he ever had the nerve to reappear in her life.

He was done ruining Bella's life.

**Edward POV**

"Come on," I muttered as it rang. "Come on, pick up. Pick up. Pick up, damn it!" I hung up and threw the phone onto the passenger seat angrily. How could I have let it come to this?

I accelerated, driving in no particular direction, unsure of where I was going. I just needed to be moving, away from the apartment, which contained so many memories of Bella.

My phone beeped on the seat beside me and I snatched it quickly, paying little attention to the road ahead of me. It was a text from Alice.

_Stop calling. Leave us all alone. Don't speak to me._

I let out an angry growl of frustration and threw the phone back onto the seat. I could feel the tremors that had hit yesterday after Bella left start to reappear in my arms. I attempted to focus on the road, but it wasn't possible. I yanked to car to the side of the road and cut the engine. Both hands clutched the wheel as I collapsed forward, gasping breaths raking through my body.

She couldn't be gone. I needed her. Where would she go anyway? She wasn't with Alice or Rosalie. Who else would she turn to? Knowing Bella, she would avoid her parents for the time being. I shut my eyes against the stinging tears. A thought occurred to me, my one last possibility of finding her.

Jacob Black. Quickly I grabbed the phone and dialed the operator. "Yes, I need to be connected to Jacob Black. Forks, Washington."

**Alice POV**

"Bella, it's Alice. Call me, ok honey? Love you." I clicked the phone shut and ambled over to Jasper, who was buttoning up his shirt. Setting the phone on the bed, I crossed to Jazz and pushed his hands away.

"Here. Let me." I replaced his large hands with my small ones, tracing my way slowly up his chest with one finger, slipped the buttons slowly into their holes with the other hand. He shuddered against me. After it was fully buttoned, he pulled me against him, his lean fingers brushing my hair and the back of my neck.

"Alice?" His voice was soft, timid. He knew how scared and worried I was for Bella.

"Yeah?"

"Alice, you can't do anything. It will take time." I knew he was right, but I wanted to intervene.

"But when you left, Bella helped you…" I trailed off, feeling him stiffen and seeing the look of pain and discomfort when I mentioned it.

"It was different for us, Alice."

Frustrated, I pushed away from him and raked my fingers through my dark hair. "It's _not different_! Bella helped, she saved me. She saved _us_! Why can't I do anything? Jazz, I thought I was going to die. Do you understand that? I felt like dying every single second of that time, and I am pretty damn sure that you did as well. And she fixed it! I need to do something. I can't just sit here, pretending that every-"

"Alice!" Jasper's voice cut across mine loudly.

I had been striding around the room in frustration; he crossed the room towards me in three long steps and wrapped his arms around me tightly, refusing to release me even as I squirmed against him. Keeping one arm securely around my waist, he brushed the tears that had begun to fall away from my cheeks. I was angry, frustrated, furious and ready to kill my brother. And Bella; she couldn't survive without him. Since the moment he met her, he had been her world, her life.

"Alice, it isn't the same as when I…" he froze momentarily. "As when I left. They have never been the same. You know how they are; Edward is so stubborn, and Bella is… Well, she has never seen herself clearly, like we do. Like Edward did. You know that." Hating the truth, but realizing it, I nodded against his chest.

We remained there as moments trickled by, our minds traveling along their own paths.

Eventually, I spoke. "It's never going to be right again, is it?" My voice was soft and pained. I hated for Bella to be in pain and, although I was furious with him, I knew that Edward was regretting what happened.

Jasper was silent for a long while before letting out a slow sigh. "To be honest, Alice, no. I don't think it will ever be right."

I wrapped my arms more securely around his waist, overwhelming amounts of guilt and disbelief crashing on to me. And as I stood, trying to focus on anything except the broken couple, I couldn't help but agree with Jasper's prediction.

**Bella POV**

In between nightmares that ended with me waking in tears, to repeated phone calls from Alice, Rosalie and Emmet, I had gotten very little sleep. I had eventually shut off my phone, but as murky light filtered in to the living room, I knew that I had gotten as much rest as I was going to. I stood up and stretched. At multiple moments throughout the night, I had hoped, even prayed, that this was all a nightmare. Then when I woke up I would be in Edward's smooth, strong arms. That he still loved me, even if it was only for a while.

Jacob was nowhere to be seen, and peeking out the window, I saw that his car was gone. I made my way slowly to the kitchen, feeling horribly out of place without Jake here. Written on a scrap of paper in Jacob's messy scrawl and taped to the front of the refrigerator was a note.

_Went to get breakfast. I still can't cook. Be back soon._

Feeling increasingly awkward in the empty house, I ambled around in search of something to occupy my mind. I ended up back in the living room. On the mantel over the fireplace, Jake had unceremoniously piled an assortment of pictures: his mother and father; one of him, Quil, and Embry. There was another one towards the back; I lifted it out of the messy picture collection, a heavy twinge taking root in my chest. The picture was dusty and I wiped it clean with my sleeve, clutching the frame tightly. It was of Jake and me; the tall, dark, handsome teen he had been at 16, one of his strong arms wrapped firmly around my waist as we sat. I was shockingly pale in comparison to his deeply colored skin. One of my hands was immersed in my tangled hair, pushing it against the wind and away from my face. The other arm wrapped securely around Jake's neck, pulling him close enough so I could place a playful kiss on his cheek. It was a perfect picture, the epitome of love and happiness. He loved me, back then. I knew he did. And now, looking back, I wished desperately that I could have loved him just as much. Instead I had deserted him, running off to Portland and falling in love with a man who no longer wanted me. So of course, I was back, bothering him once more, making him eternally second best in my world. Second best, even, to a man who had broken my heart. My eyes filled with tears and, as the house phone began to ring, I shoved the picture back on to the mantel.

Unsure if I should answer or not, but figuring that it might be Jake calling, I made my way to the phone in the kitchen. Timidly, I picked up the receiver.

"He-" my voice was low and throaty. I cleared it, and tried again. "Hello?"

"Bella?" All the air was shot from my lungs, and I could feel faint traces of nausea and dizziness. Pain shot through my middle, causing me to take in a sharp intake of breath and wrap my free arm securely around my middle.

"Bella? _Bella? _What the hell are you doing there?"

"Edward… what are…" I was unable to articulate a sentence; I could feel more tears boiling behind my eyes as pain ripped through my center. "What's wrong, Edward? Is everyone all right? Is it Alice?" Panic was beginning to set it. Edward was through with me; there must be an emergency taking place in Portland with the family if he had bothered to track me down here.

"Bella, Alice is fine. I mean, she wants to kill me, but she if fine. What are you doing at Jacob's? You have to come home, Bella. Please. I need you here. "His voice was becoming increasingly thick with tears as he spoke.

_Come on, Bella, wake up. _I told myself. _Dreaming him won't make him come back. It will only hurt more. Wake up. Come on, wake UP!_

"I love you. Bella." This words cut across my inner panic and fear, a tonic to the searing, ripping pain in my center. Everything was spinning as I tried to focus on one thing, anything, be it Edward or the kitchen counter. Edward fell silent on the other end of the line, I attempted to fight against the darkness that was closing in on my vision, but it was no use. I heard Jacob return home, and call out my name as I silently hung up the phone. The entire room was spinning, and the cold floor flooded forward to meet me. I didn't even feel the impact. The darkness had already set in.

**Edward POV**

Worried and frustrated by Bella's lack of response (not that I could blame her; I loathed myself just as much for what I had done), but thankful for my ability to locate her, I tossed the phone onto the seat. One hand on the wheel, the other tracing the square outline of the small object in my left pocket, I pulled the car back onto the road, and accelerated. The engine whirred under my encouragement, egging on my car to go faster as I reached the slickly wet freeway. I ignored the steady speed on the cars around me, and rushed past them, ignoring the multiple honks I received.

Because nothing else mattered. Not me, or my job. Not my pregnant sister and her bastard of a partner. Not the rent I had to pay on the apartment. Nothing mattered except Bella, and I was going to make this right.  


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**I hope you all loved it and that (for my American readers) you had wonderful Thanksgivings. Take pride and joy in every moment of every day. You never know when the little things may slip away and, trust me, you will miss them. Love to you all. Go give a hug to your family, especially the ones you may not be closest with. Speaking from recent experiences, mended bridges are a wonderful thing.**

xoxo


	18. Forever in My Heart

**So, this chapter is REALLY short, but since it is so closely following the previous chapter, I am hoping that you all wont mind to terribly much. Read on, lovelies!  
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**Bella POV**

It was not real. It couldn't be real.

But if it wasn't real, why was I lying on the floor, Jacob leaning over me, a look of panic and fear masking his face as my eyes slowly opened. If it wasn't real, why was my head throbbing, my stomach churning? If it wasn't real, why were tears once again pouring down my face, wanting his words to be true, knowing that they weren't?

"Bella, what happened?" Jake pulled me into a sitting position; I leaned against his chest, his arms holding me up around my waist. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly, I opened them and looked into Jacob's face, ready to explain, but there was a look in his eyes that caused my words to catch in my throat.

He still loved me. He had never stopped. It was perfectly clear now, as he looked down at me, his face full of concern. And there was a part of him that believed I could love him also. But in my heart I knew he was wrong, that, even if I were beaten away by Edward a hundred times over, I would never stop loving him.

But I had nowhere else to go. I didn't have a house; I had sold my apartment over a year ago when I moved in with Edward. So I looked into Jacob's face, and life directly towards him.

"Nothing. It was nothing. Just overwhelmed, I guess."

He didn't believe me; that much I could tell. For now, at least, I knew I was safe from him asking for more answers. Faking a small smile, I pushed myself to my feet.

"Come on, let's see what you have got for breakfast."

**Alice POV**

I stood in front of the full-length mirror in our bedroom, dressed in a bra and underwear, facing sideways and staring at my stomach. There it was. The first visible sign of what was growing inside of me. The tiniest hint of a bump. Not large enough for anyone to notice, but enough for me to know. Enough for me to be able to see the beginnings of our baby.

I called out to Jasper, who was cooking a hurried breakfast in the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" he called back, his voice nervous, and drawing closer.

Jasper appeared in the reflection of the doorway. Grinning, I turned to face him. His eyes traveled down to my stomach, where I had motioned to, and a small smile danced onto his lips.

"So you see it to?" I placed my hand directly on the small swell.

He towards me, his eyes traveled across me, finally resting on the new swell. He let out a chuckle, pulled me close, and placed a kiss in my hair.

"Thank you, Alice," he murmured, his hands pressed into the small of my back, making me shiver.

I laughed softly. "For what?"

After a moment of silence, Jasper took a step back from me, interlocking one of his hands with mine, and bent down. He brushed his lips against mine and then, dropping onto his knees, placed a gentle kiss on my stomach. He looked up into my face and grinned.

"For everything, Alice."

**Bella POV**

Close to an hour had passed since I spoke with Edward, and Jake was flipping through his DVDs in an attempt to find some way to keep ourselves occupied that didn't run the risk of meeting up with Charlie or Renee. Of course, he didn't know how slowly the time seemed to pass for me, how excruciating today was. I had still not told him; I couldn't tell him, that at any minute Edward might come and I would desert him again, leaving with Edward, just like I had when I went away to college. Deserted and broken hearted. Looks like karma had finally come around to get me back.

I was about to join Jacob in his search for a movie when my phone, which I had left in the kitchen, began to ring. I made my way over and looked at the number; it wasn't one I recognized. Curios, I opened the phone.

"Hello?"

"Is this Bella Swan?" An unfamiliar voice came over the line.

"Um… Yes, this is she. I'm sorry, who is this?"

"My name is Elizabeth. I am the charge nurse at the Trauma Ward of St. Jude's Medical Center. I… I'm very sorry, Miss Swan, but there was an accident. You are the emergency contact on file for Mr. Cullen."

My head was spinning; it felt as if my gut had just fallen through the floor. "Accident? What accident? What happened?"

"Edward Cullen. You know him correct?"

"Yes, he is my-" I stammered. "He's a friend of mine."

"There was an accident on the freeway, and he has been seriously injured." Tears were building behind my eyes. "We need either you or someone from the family to please come in and take care of some details and paperwork."

I knew that I could just call Alice, Emmet, Esme, or Carlisle, and have them deal with all of this, and spare myself of seeing him. But I needed to. I couldn't desert him. He would do the same for me.

"Yes," I choked out. "Yes, I will be there as soon as I can."

I scribbled down the address as she told it to me, and shoved the phone in my pocket. Jacob began to speak as I entered the room.

"Ok, we can go with a classic: Monty Python and the…" He trailed off as he caught sight of my face. "Bella?"

"I have to go." I shoved past him and grabbed my jacket off the back of the couch. "I'm sorry Jacob, but I-"

"Bella, what happened? What's going on?"

"Keys, I need my keys," I muttered as I looked around the room. Spotting them on a bookshelf, I hurried over and grabbed them. I slipped on my coat, ignoring Jacob's continual questioning, my mind unable to focus on anything but Edward.

Jake grabbed my arm before I could make it out of the room, and spun me towards him.

"Bella! What the _hell_ is going on?" His voice was rising, angry and concerned.

I didn't want to repeat the words; it would make it all the more real, but I knew that Jacob would never let me leave without an explanation. "It was Edward, there was an accident. He- he is in the hospital, and I need to go."

The moment I said Edward's name, Jacob's hand released me, as if by an electric shock. His face darkened angrily. "So that's it then."

"What?"

"Even after he leaves you, breaks your heart, you still just go running back to him!"

"Jacob, he is in the-"

"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!" His screaming reverberated in the room as he towered over me. "EVEN AFTER ALL THAT, YOU JUST CAN'T STAY AWAY! DAMN IT, BELLA!"

"I don't have a choice here, Jacob!"

"LIKE HELL YOU DON'T! YOU COULD CALL ALICE, OR CARLISLE OR ANY OF THOSE DAMN CULLENS AND-"

"SHUT UP, JACOB! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!" My voice cracked as I screamed. I turned away and made my way to the door.

"He didn't want you Bella. He doesn't love you anymore." Jacob's voice was soft, but it cut deeper than any of his screams had. Tears were rolling steadily down my face by this point. "Please, Bella. Please, don't leave."

"Jake…" I trailed off, lost as to what to say. Nonetheless, I turned back towards him and took a few tentative steps closer. "I always loved you, Bella." I shut my eyes against the stream of tears; it did little good. "I still do, Bella." He crossed to me and enveloped my crying mass in his arms. Gingerly, he lilted my face towards his. I knew what he was doing, but I was too scared, too tired, too shocked by everything, to stop it.

His lips met mine. For a moment I stood, connected, our lips working in tandem. One hand rested on the small of my back, pulling me closer, the other tangled in my dark hair. It was magnificent and horrible, love and pain wrapped into one. I pulled away slowly, still crying, and looked away.

"It was always him, Jake." His hands released my hair and waist. "I love you Jake, I really do. But it will always be him."

I leaned up towards him, and pressed my lips softly against his, not out of passion or longing, but as an apology. A small movement in payment for the pain I was causing.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob."

Silently, I turned away and left, closing the door behind me. I raced to my car, the sleeting rain drenching me as I went.

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**Please tell me your reaction to this chapter. I really want to see how people react, because I am not so sure. Also, let me know if you are Team Edward, Team Jacob, or Team Switzerland (or any of the other ones). I am really curious.**

**I love you all.**

**xoxo**


	19. For You, With Love

**Woot! Another chapter! I am seriously beastly at writing lately. Haha, just kidding! Well, go ahead and read. As always, let me know what you think!  


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**Bella POV**

At any minute it might be over. If he was gone from this world, I would be to. As I sped along the highway, I promised myself that. To not exist if Edward… I couldn't even think the word. I yanked out my phone as I drove, maneuvering the car with one hand, dialing Alice's cell phone number with the other.

"Bella! Oh thank God you called. I wasn't sure if you were going to-" She started, but cut off when she realized I was sobbing. "Bella? Bella, what happened?"

"It's Edward…" I chocked out. "He-"

"I know, honey. I know it is tough, break ups and all. But it will get better, I promise."

"It's not that, Alice. Edward. He… He got in an accident. He…" I couldn't get any more words out; I pressed my foot closer to the floor of the car, cutting across in front of two cars. The freeway was close to empty at this time of day; I sped up.

"An accident, what do you mean an accident?!" Her voice was rising on the crescendo. "Bella, where is he? Where are you? What sh-"

I cut her off and rattled off the address of the hospital. "He- He is in the trauma ward." Alice was crying now as well. "I am on my way back." I glanced at a sign I passed. "I should be back in about an hour."

"An hour? When did you find out? How the hell are you getting home so quickly?"

"I'm not exactly following the speed limit." I grumbled.

"Be careful. I don't want a second accident."

I murmured my consent. "Call Carlisle and Esme, will you? And Emmett. They don't know yet."

"I will Bella. I love you."

"Love you to, Alice."

I clicked my phone shut and threw it on the seat next to me, focusing as best I could on the road in front of me, pressing the car to move even faster. I needed to get back before it was too late.

***

I arrived in the parking lot an hour and a half later and raced from my car into the front of the building. I quickly made my way to the trauma ward, sprinting along hallways, following the directions I had received from Alice, and praying that I wouldn't fall at any moment.

Finally I saw the small sign posted next to a set of double doors: St. Jude's Medical Center; Trauma Ward.

I pushed open the doors, and was almost immediately embraced by a sobbing Alice. I looked over her head and took in the surroundings. Jasper stood closely behind Alice; clustered around one section sat Emmett, Rosalie, Esme and Carlisle.

"Alice," I said, panicked by her endless sobs. Had it happened? Was I too late? "Alice, did he…"

She shook her head. Jasper confirmed his life with a small smile. I disentangled myself from Alice, who was immediately embraced by Jasper, and made my way to the rest of the family. As I reached them, Emmett and Esme stood, both embracing me in turn. I was growing steadily numb to their actions. I didn't want hugs and sympathy; I wanted to know what had happened.

"Carlisle, how is he?" I choked out.

After taking a deep breath, Carlisle looked at me and grimaced. "Not good, Bella. He is in critical condition; they went into surgery about 15 minutes ago. It looks like a car in front of him started to hydroplane and lost control. He couldn't stop in time, and they hit. They…" He trailed off, and Esme continued on instead.

"They found this, Bella. It must be for you." She slipped a small box out from Carlisle's hand and pressed it into my palm. "It saved his life, looks like. Without that in his pocket, a major artery in his leg would have been punctured, and he could have died of blood loss." She gave a sad sort of smile. "Looks like you really are a blessing to this family."

Tears began to leak out of my eyes as I started at the black velvet box in my hand. With shaking fingers, I opened it. Inside, an elegant, clearly expensive, yet simple diamond engagement ring was nestled in the plush fabric.

I doubled forward, shaking, sobbing, and hardly able to breathe, clutching this piece of Edward's love strongly in my hands.

I was wrong. He had never stopped loving me. And because of me, he almost died. Because of me, he still might.

***

It was excruciating, the wait. 45 minutes had passed since I arrived, but it felt closer to two hours.

"What's taking them so long," Emmett grumbled from his uncomfortable seat in the waiting room.

"Can't you do anything, Carlisle?" I said. I was curled in a chair a few seats away from everyone else, slightly isolated from the family. Until this point, I had remained solitary and silent. Alice had attempted to get me to eat, but it was of little use; I had refused to respond to anything until this point.

"I wish I could, Bella, but it is against hospital policy. No working on family members. My hands are tied."

I stood up, frustrated and tired of waiting, and angrily strode to the nurses' station.

"Hi. I need to see Edward Cullen," I spoke calmly, sounding more stable than I felt. Alice had gotten to her feet, along with Emmett, and joined me.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but he is in surgery right now."

"Yes, I _know that_. I don't need to talk to him. Just please, _please_ let me see him." Tears had sprung up in my eyes once more. The nurse's face was compassionate, but she didn't seem fazed by my request. I turned my back on the desk, tears falling again, and wrapped one arm around Emmett.

"Alright," I heard a voice behind me say. I spun around. The nurse was on her feet, looking at me; she seemed to be almost as surprised by her words as I was. I hurried back over to her. "He is right down this hall." She pointed me in the direction of Edward. "Take a left, then a right. Third room on your right. I'm sorry, but you will have to stay in the hallway. And so you know, what you see won't be too pretty."

I nodded hurriedly, locking her directions in my mind, and threw a look to Alice and Emmett. They nodded; they would explain where I was going to everyone else.

I took off at a run, and skidded to a halt outside of his room. I couldn't see much of anything except doctors and nurses, the backs of people dressed in blue scrubs. But as one person shifted, I caught a glimpse of Edward. His face was bruised, and there were several gash marks along his cheek and neck, and a section of his hair was coated in thick dried blood from a large ragged slice along his hairline.

I backed away from the glass wall of the operating room, and sank down against the opposite wall, shaking. Nausea churned in my stomach, not due to the sight of blood, but due to overwhelming guilt. I had done this to him. If I hadn't been stupid, if I hadn't left him, if I hadn't gone to Jacob's, he would still be safe and unbroken.

Someone sat beside me; I glanced over and saw that it was Carlisle. He extended a hand to me, grasping mine in his.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Bella. There was nothing you could do." I leaned in to him as he spoke, resting my head against his shoulder, clasping his hand tightly. He encircled me with his other arm, rubbing soothing circles on my back as my tears leaked slowly onto his shirt.

***

Eventually we made our way back to the rest of the group, where we were immediately pelted with questions; Carlisle answered as many as he could. Watching the room had given him more insight than it had me. Instead I sank unsteadily into a chair, further away from the family than before. I didn't belong with them, deserve to be with them. None of them knew it, or were willing to admit it, but I knew that this whole situation was entirely my fault.

***

Six hours had passed with no news. After I refused multiple times to sit with the Cullen family, they had relocated and joined me on my side of the waiting room. Carlisle continually repeated that "no news is good news," when it comes to cases like these. In my mind, however, I could not see how things were going well if Edward was still in surgery.

"Alice, what if it isn't alright?" I asked softly, leaning closer into my tiny friend. She wrapped her arms tightly around me.

"Don't say that, Bella. It will be fine. Edward is-" she cut off as Carlisle held up his hand, his eyes locked on an approaching doctor. Carlisle stood quickly and hurried over to him.

After a few minutes of murmuring between the two, and lots of head-nodding from Carlisle, he finally crossed back over to us.

"Edward is going to be fine," Carlisle sated, looking directly at me. Relief washed over me strongly as a heavy weight lifted from my stomach. Alice let out a squeal of delight, embracing me awkwardly over the arm of the chair, and then allowing Jasper to envelop her in his arms. Rosalie, perched in Emmett's lap, collapsed into his massive chest; a grin of relief broke across Emmett's face and he wrapped his arms around Rose. Esme let out a sigh and a murmur of what sounded like "Thank God."

Carlisle waited for our twittering of relief to quiet before continuing. "He is pretty badly hurt. He had multiple lacerations, and four broken ribs. One of the ribs stabbed a lung, which is part of the reason that surgery took so long; he had a collapsed lung. He has a bit of a concussion and might suffer from some amnesia; we will have to wait and see on that one. His left wrist and arms are broken from the impact. He is receiving some blood to make up for the loss. He is unconscious right now, and on a respirator, but only until he gains consciousness. It is merely a precaution, because of the lung trouble. He is sedated right now, and they are going to keep him that way overnight. After that, it is a waiting game until he wakes up."

We were all silent after Carlisle stopped speaking. Finally, I cleared my throat. "Can I… can we see him?"

Carlisle gave a small nod. "He is in room 3123. We can go and visit him…" His voice trailed off, posing it as a question, in case I didn't wasn't ready.

I stood up shakily, testing my legs. Emmett and Rosalie got up, Emmett catching me around the waist before my legs could give out.

"Come on, Bells," He muttered. "We have one half of the happy couple hospitalized already. Let's not go for two."

"Not much of a couple," I grumbled, but made my way forward, allowing Emmett to lead me along.

The group trailed behind me, waiting for my reaction as I approached the door, twisted the handle and stepped inside. All of the air was shot from my lungs. Carlisle's words of Edward's injuries were nothing compared to the sight of it. Although his hair was clean of blood and more neatly combed, neater than I had ever seen it, Edward looked even worse than when I had seen him in the operating room. I could more clearly see the deep blue, purple and black blotches across his skin. There was a neat row of stitches along his hairline. His left arm was casted, and his right hand was connected to an IV, which was delivering blood steadily into his body. There were multiple more small cuts along his pale neck, some stitched, most left bare. A respirator covered his nose and mouth, delivering a steady supply of oxygen. I was thankful that I couldn't see the sight of the surgery; this was bad enough. I took a step back and seated myself in one of the two chairs in the room. Jasper took the other, sitting with Alice, and Esme perched on the arm of mine.

"He is going to be fine, Bella," she assured me, stroking through my hair softly. I nodded my head silently. It looked so wrong, seeing Edward like that. I hated it, how weak he looked, pallid and bruised, unmoving. But as much as I hated it, I couldn't look away. As the others shifted around the room, speaking in whispers, I sat silently, horrified by what had happened and clutching an underlying fear that, if I looked away, he might disappear like he had in so many of my nightmares.

Eventually, a nurse entered and informed us that if was time to leave. I shakily stood up. Worry and confusion began to overwhelm me; where was I going to go? I couldn't go back to the apartment, and I didn't want to make the commute to Forks and back. As if reading my mind, Alice came up beside me and snatched my hand.

"You can stay with me and Jasper tonight, alright?" she chirped, much more upbeat having now seen Edward. I gave a small smile and nodded. I was asleep before we even got home.  


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**Tada!!! Another chapter finished. I hope you all liked it. Let me know what you thought. As always, I love feedback. Also, if you have a certain idea (or two, or three) about something that should happen in the story, please tell me! I love to get inspiration from my lovely readers. Have a great day!**

xoxo


	20. Holding On

**So, it's not the longest chapter. Sorry. That's how it goes. I hope you will all love it, regardless if its length. Well, I hope to get tons and tons of reviews flooding in soon! Love to you all... Enjoy the story!  


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**Bella POV**

"What do you mean, I can't see him? What's going on?" I demanded, staring the plump nurse in the face. Three days had passed since I got the call informing me of the accident. He still hadn't woken. Merely lain there, unmoving and sickly pale.

"He…" she trailed off and glanced nervously away. My stomach plunged with fear.

"He what?" My voice cracked; Esme took my hand and squeezed it tightly.

When the nurse began to stammer out words, not truly answering anything, Carlisle intervened. "Can I please speak with the doctor?" His piercing blue eyes bored into the nurse's brown ones. After a moment of staring, she blushed and nodded her head. She picked up the phone, typed in a code on the number pad and paged the doctor.

Within a few minutes, one of the multiple doctors that had been taking part in Edward's case came out, his hands clasped tightly together, a look of worry on his face. Carlisle crossed to him before he could reach us. After much head-nodding and conversing with one another, Carlisle's head dropped forward, his shoulder's shaking slightly, one hand massaging at his temple. The doctor put clapped a hand on Carlisle's shoulder solemnly; I could see his lips move to form the words "I'm sorry."

I had released Esme's hand and was over to Carlisle before most of the family even moved. Fear was raging through me, I could hear and feel my heart and blood pounding. Could I have become a widow before I even became a wife?

"Carlisle, what-" My question cut off as he slowly looked up at me; his face was filled with shock and horror. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Esme filled in around me. Slowly, he began to speak.

"Edward… He…" He trailed off, took a deep breath and shook his head slightly, wrapping an arm around Esme and pulling her close. "There was some internal bleeding and they had to reopen the surgery sight. There were complications; they were able to stop the bleeding, but a lot had been lost. He is receiving heavy amounts of blood transfusions. And he… well, he slipped into a coma, around 4 a.m." Carlisle's voice faltered and died here. He looked away from me, and bent his head down, tucking it into the crook of Esme's neck.

The room was spinning. I couldn't get my legs to move, my body to shift away from where I stood, rooted with horror. Coma. Edward Cullen, so strong and beautiful and bold. So loving and sexy and charming. So smart and wonderful. So perfect. Edward Cullen was in a coma.

And it was all my fault.

***

Eventually, after much fighting, begging and tears, I was allowed in to sit beside his motionless body. As I took his limp hand in mine and squeezed it, a wave of nausea burst over me; I fought it back. I fought back the tears, the horror and the pain. It faded slowly into the back, until I reached a state similar to Edward's. Blank. Numb. Unmoving. Unaware of my surroundings. I continued to sit, whispering softly to Edward from time to time, his ghostly white, limp hand clutched strongly between my own. I didn't notice the tears that streaked down my cheeks from time to time until they splashed onto our interlocked hands. I could feel nothing except his hand in mine. See nothing except his face. Say nothing except words of love and apology to my perfection that I had destroyed.

I'm sorry Edward. I am so sorry.

**Edward POV**

Time passed slowly. I was only able to track it through the coming and goings of my family. They arrived in the morning, left when forced. The nights were the worst. I had taken to pulling back into myself, into memories, for the pure reason of being away from this damned situation in which I could not respond to my Bella.

Sitting across from her at the coffee shop, a heavy blush filling her cheeks as I traced my fingers softly along her jaw. A first kiss, so soft and innocent, purer than anything in the world. Kiss after kiss, touch after touch, each one growing deeper and stronger between us. Ice skating at the local rink; this proved to be a fiasco. Bella could hardly remain on her feet for more than 3 minutes. Packing up her old apartment and loading the boxes into her car, at that time an old, beaten up truck. It was Christmas, when we first made love. I will never forget it. It is impossible. I never thought that magic such as Bella could exist.

Was this it? Everlasting darkness and the torment of never being able to respond to the voice and touch of the woman I loved?

She squeezed my hand tightly. Bella. I could hear her speaking but I couldn't make out her words. I tried to squeeze back, give some sign of recognition, but it was no use. It felt as if all my limbs were filled with lead; I couldn't move.

"I love you, Edward." The words came upon me softly. "Please, Edward, please wake up."

_I'm trying, Bella. I wish I could._

I could feel my hand lift off of the bed, being pulled upward. Something soft brushed against it. After a moment, I realized it was Bella's lips. I physical shudder raced through me; I heard Bella gasp, and my arms dropped down again, this time quickly.

I felt her shift, this time leaning over me; I could just barely feel her breath across my face, one hand pressing into the bed beside me, holding her body up above mine.

"Edward?" Her sweet breath brushed across my face. "Edward, can you hear me?"

_Yes, Bella. Yes._ I couldn't form the words, as hard as I tried. _God, Bella, please know that I am here. I love you, Bella._

She let out a slow sigh; even without seeing her, I could tell she was frustrated. Scared. Terrified. Just like me.

_Please, God. I am sorry for hurting her; I never meant to. Don't let me be dead. Please._ I begged, prayed, silently in my head.

I felt her lips brush against mine; fire sank through my coursing blood, causing me to shake again. She gasped again and moved back from me, still holding my hand in hers, but shifting off of the bed.

"Bella? What is it?" Alice asked.

"He… I don't know. He moved."

"What do you mean he moved?" My father's voice was urgent.

"I don't know," Bella repeated. "But he moved. I'm sure."

"I'll get the nurse," Emmet said.

"Wait." A new voice added to the mix, surprising everyone, even myself.

"Edward?" Bella's voice was soft and urgent. She released my hand and I could hear her chair scrape back on the floor as she stood. Her hands pressed against me, one on my cheek, the other just below my jaw.

Slowly, heavily, my eyes began to open. My vision was filled with Bella. Her hair was tousled and falling in knotted curls around her face, which was more pale than usual. Her eyes had dark circles beneath them, and her eyes were swollen and red, tears streaking down her face. And, in my eyes, she had never looked more beautiful.

Ignoring the gasps and squeals of my surrounding family, I looked deeply into Bella's bloodshot eyes.

"Edward…" She whispered, leaning over me once more, her face mere inches from mine. "Edward, you can't ever do that to me again. I was so scared." Her body broke down as she shook with tears.

I took in a deep breath, ignoring the sharp pain that prodded at my ribs. "I wont, Bella, I wont. It's alright, love. I'm here now. We both are." My voice was rougher than usual and quiet. Bella leaned forward onto me, careful to lie in such a way as to not cause pain.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered. I heard a small chirp from Alice; a smile came across my face.

"I love you, too, Bella."

My family began to crowd around, and a team of nurses filled in, poking and prodding, casuing the machienes I was connected to to make various sounds.

My family flung questions at me, I answred them willingly, but focused more on the curled figure that was resting just below my arm, her hand interlocked tightly with mine.

Softly, only loud enough for the angel beside me to hear, I wishpered a few words softly. "Bella… will you marry me?"

She froze for a moment, then released further sobs. Her second hand came a cross and repositioned mine in hers, directing my fingers over the ring I had purchased, which now rested on her finger.

"Of course, Edward," She whispered back. "I love you."

"I have always, and will always, love you Bella. Forever."

She tilted her head and pressed her lips softly against the skin of my arm, the only place she could reach while in the confines of the small bed.

Smiling broadly, I looked up at my family. One by one, they embraced me, Emmett patting me painfully on the shoulder and declaring me an idiot.

"So," I said, still grinning. "What's next?"

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**Another chapter done. Wow. This years is going by insanely fast, don't you think? Go hug a loved one. Go apologize to someone you fought with. Go kiss someone you are in love with. Don't waste a moment. You just plain don't know how long they are going to last. Live each day fully. Laugh loud. Love passionately. Dream fully, and make them all come true.**

**Lovings!**

xoxo  



	21. Living Pain

**Let's all hear it for me posting another chapter!! I really hope you all like it. Leave a comment! And, to all of those who celebrate it, Merry Christmas. Also, a belated Happy Hanukkah to whom it may concern. Lovings! Now read!  


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Edward POV**

"Damn it," I muttered under my breath as I was forced to steady myself against the counter.

Bella turned around to face me quickly. "What part of 'stay there, I will be back in a second," do you not understand?" She asked, raising her eyebrows and placing one hand on her hip. I shrugged, only causing me to cringe again. I repeated my swearing and Bella dropped her bag onto the counter quickly, rushing over to my side of the breakfast bar. She took my hand quickly and gently pulled me in the direction of the living room.

"How are you feeling," She asked quietly.

"I'm fine," I stated quickly; I knew that she could tell I was lying.

"Edward, we don't have to go tonight. I mean, you just now got back from the hospital; it hasn't even been a week since you came home. I'm sure they would- "

"We are going tonight. No questioning. Really, Bella, I'm fine." I stopped walking and turned towards her. I dropped her hand and placed mine on her waist instead. Hiding the pain that wanted to show on my face as I pulled her against me, I pressed my lips firmly to hers.

Her breath was feather-soft against me as our lips worked in tandem. This perfection, this magic; how could I have let this slip through my fingers, even for a minute?

Her hand pressed against my chest, but not in a soft way as she had in the past; she pushed me back and tilted her hear away, hiding her face with her hair. This was how it had been since we got back together. She had been abnormally quiet throughout the days, slipping into silent spells, during which her arm would slip tightly across her stomach. While holding her hand, or brushing my lips against her hair, I would notice the way Bella's eyes would drop, her forehead crinkle slightly, a slim edge of worry playing beneath the surface.

Despite her shyness, Bella had always been bold and open around me; all of that had changed. In the time that things had started to piece themselves together once more, I had not touched Bella once in ways more than brief kisses and tentative hand holding. Even when I would rest my hand against her waist, something that had previously been natural to us, Bella had grown the tendency to twist out of my grasp, shifting slightly to lessen the contact.

It nauseated me, seeing the faint traces of cracks in her heart and soul. I did this to her; I knew it completely. I did not try to hide or deny my guilt. Bella was my first and only love, and I was hers. By letting things reach a breaking point as I did and by letting everything fall to pieces, I had hurt Bella horribly.

She had grown pale quickly, color fading from her cheeks. During meals, Bella would take a few bites then proceed to push her food around the plate delicately, keeping her eyes on me. Despite our lack of physical contact, Bella was hesitant to let me out of her sight for more than a matter of minutes.

The nightmares were the worst. She had always talked in her sleep; it had been calming for me to stay awake and let her soft murmurs filter in to me. But they had changed now. Murmurs of adoration and love had morphed into begs and pleading, transposing into screams and crying. Night after night, I would have to shake her awake, at which point she would sink against me, her hot tears dribbling onto my shirt as my arms clutched her tightly.

"Sit down," She said, pulling me out of my thoughts. I glanced up at her and followed orders, seating myself on the couch.

As Bella left to gather her coat, bag and keys, I rested my head in my hands. What had I don't? And how could I ever make this right?

***

"A toast," Carlisle stated, standing up and holding up his champagne glass. "To family, to health and to love." I raised my glass and clinked it automatically with Bella's then reaching across to tap it against my mother and father's, finally Alice and Jasper's.

"Speaking of family," Bella started after taking a small sip of champagne, "Where are Rose and Em?"

"Emmet called this morning. He said that Rosalie wasn't feeling well," Carlisle stated.

"That's weird," Bella said, taking another sip of champagne. "I'm surprised she would miss all of this."

"Huh," Alice muttered before taking a small sip of her sparkling apple cider. "I hope she's alright."

**Rosalie POV**

"_You alright, Love?" Emmett called from the kitchen as I bolted to the bathroom. My hair was clutched messily in one hand as I bent over the bowl, the small contents of my stomach uprooting themselves. _

"_Rose?" He called again. _

"_In here," I gasped, pressing down the handle and standing shakily. I crossed to the sink immediately and doused my face in cool water, brushing my teeth thoroughly. _

_He wrapped his arms around me the moment he entered the room. "What's wrong, Rose? Are you sick? What happened?"_

_I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my face. Taking a deep breath, I looked up into Emmett's face, which was twisted with concern. I grinned; his concern turned into confusion._

"_What- "_

"_I'm not sick," I stated. _

"_Didn't you just…"_

_I nodded again. "Morning sickness."_

"_What? Don't you get that when you are…?"_

_I nodded. A small smile started to play on his face._

"_Rose," he said, drawing out my name. "Are you…?"_

_I nodded again. "I'm not sick, Em. I'm… I'm pregnant."_

_He grinned, lifting me into the air and spinning me, carrying me out of the bathroom. Her spun me around, his laughter filling the air. Finally, my feet touched the floor. I tilted my face towards his. Boldly, his hand rooted in my hair, he pressed his lips to mine, a new energy filling us as we touched. _

_A baby. Finally. Finally I could give Emmett what he wanted, what I wanted. Finally we would have the family we had always dreamed of. _

The sound of little feet pattering against the hardwood floor, little giggles erupting as Emmett chases them around our house, as I blow raspberries against their soft stomachs. Everything. Breastfeeding and cribs. Painting a nursery and buying tiny shoes and socks. Those were the things that came with a baby.

I hadn't told anyone except Emmett. How could I have? With the previous pregnancy ending in a heartbreaking disaster, I promised myself that I wouldn't jinx this once. I refused to tell any family or friends, not wanting to speak to soon and have everything fall apart.

And I had failed again. I had let it slip through my fingers.

Is it possible to mourn endlessly? It is possible to never run out of tears? Is it possible to have everything ruined within a matter of three hours? Turns out that the answer is yes.

_It had been eight weeks and three days of pure bliss, of Emmett's fingers tracing wistfully against my stomach, of holding the knowledge of what resided within._

"_Ouch," I muttered as I pulled myself out of bed. My head was spinning slightly and there was a slight cramping in my stomach. _Just hunger_ I told myself. Stupidity. I should have know then; I did_ _know, maybe. I just didn't want it to be true._

_Emmett stood, his back to me, cooking pancakes on the griddle when I staggered out of the bathroom an hour and a half later. My hands were shaking; I was shell-shocked._

"_Hey. Rose, do you want me to make some bacon also?"_

_Tears were building in my eyes; I knew it was too late already, but an overwhelming sense of urgency was building in me. _

_He slipped a spatula under one of the cooking pancakes, flipping it into the air. I was shaking; all thought was cut off. It infuriated me, seeing him stand there, flipping pancakes as if there was nothing wrong. I crossed forward quickly; seizing the spatula in one hand, the plate full of pancakes in the other, I threw them both to the ground. The plate smashed into pieces across the tile floor._

"_What the-" He cut off the moment he saw my face. "What happened? What is it?"_

"_I need to go to the hospital, Emmett," I choked out. "I'm… It's wrong; I messed up. Everything is ruined. I'm so sorry, Emmett. I don't know what happened. It's just…" Tears were flooding over my cheeks now._

"_What are you talking about? What's going on? Is it the…?"_

_I nodded slowly, wrapping my arms around him as sobs ripped from my throat. Gone. Completely and utterly gone. _

It had hurt before, the first time. I had never expected it. But this was worse, if that was possible. Once. That happens all the time. But to lose a child twice is terrible beyond measure.

"_I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen," the doctor said softly as I bent forward, placing my head in my hands. _

"_Isn't there anything…?" Emmett trailed off. He knew the answer as well as I did. _

"_I'm sorry," the doctor repeated. "I'll… I'll leave you two alone." The door shut softly behind her. Emmett crossed around to my front and embraced my tightly. I could feel a warm dampness where his tears dropped onto my hair. _

When we got home, I silently walked to the bedroom and shut the door behind me. No words. No talking. Silence. It continued, as the sky grew steadily darker. I sat on the small balcony off of our second story bedroom, watching people wander by, laughing and giggling. Their voices were merry. Loud. Happy. But there were no words shared by us. Emmett left me to myself; I knew he was crying and that he wouldn't want me to see. Wouldn't want me to hurt.

The tears had stopped. I was in a stupor, drunk off of my own horror and loss. How was it possible, how was it fair, that two people who wanted nothing more than to hold their own child in their arms were denied the privilege, while those, such as Alice or Jasper, were granted a baby, even when they didn't want one? It was sickening.

I hated it; I hated myself. My inability to hold a child inside of me. It was wrong; it was all wrong. This wasn't how things were supposed to happen. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be. My knees were drawn in to my chest, my arms wrapped tightly around them as I rocked slightly.

In some peripheral part of my mind, I was aware that the bedroom door opened behind me and of Emmett's footsteps drawing closer. He pulled up a chair beside me, seated himself beside me and gently pulled my curled figure into his laps. His lips brushed my hair.

"I'm sorry, Emmett," I whispered, my voice thick. "I'm so sorry."

His fingers continued to trace a pattern along my back.

"I love you, Rose," He whispered back. He pressed his lips against my hair once more and buried his face into my shoulder and hair. "And merry Christmas, baby."

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**Well, there is that. I really hope you liked this chapter; I am a bit iffy about it. Not sure if I like how it turned out. Did it all make sense? I sure hope so. If not, let me know.  
****Thanks, as always, for reading. Drop me a review! Love you all.**

xoxo  



	22. Never Again

**Here is, obviously, the newest chapter! I hope you all like it. Personally, I love this chapter. Read on and send me a review! Lots of love!  


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**Rosalie POV**

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Emmett asked as I pulled on a high-heeled black ankle-boot. I glanced up at him and nodded.

"I'm fine," I lied. I wasn't fine; how could I be? But hiding away would only make it worse. Or, at least, that's what I thought. "I need to get out a bit. It will do me good. And if I miss any more work, Alice is going to break down our door. I mean, she doesn't know. It's not like I told her about the…" My voice choked and trailed off. I forced the stinging tears back and busied myself with my shoe.

Emmett was silent for a moment, crossed his arms and finally came to sit beside me on the bed. As I straightened up from putting on my other boot, he slipped an arm around my waist.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he whispered against my ear through my hair. I closed my eyes momentarily, absorbing the beauty and sincerity of his voice, before turning to him and pressing my lips against his briefly. I pulled back, ignoring the tears I could feel welling in my eyes. He had grown accustom to them by that point.

"I love you," I said.

He caressed my cheek with his fingers lovingly and brushed under my eyes, along the dark smudges that had resulted from my lack of sleep. He tilted my head upward slightly with both hands and his lips touched my forehead softly. "I love you too, Rose."

_He loves me. _I thought. _He loves me too much._

I took a breath and forced a smile. "See you tonight." He nodded silently, only releasing my hand once I had stood and taken a few steps. I readjusted the strap of my leather bag on my shoulder and made my way to the front door, once again trying to fight off the consuming guilt that had been haunting me for the past two weeks.

What had happened, the miscarriage, had broken Emmett along with myself. He wanted to be a father so badly and it was the one thing I could not give. Not then, not ever. In the one area he had ever asked anything of me, I had failed. There was nothing I could do to change the fact that I had failed him completely. Still, even after all of the mishaps, he continued to love and support me. He never lost faith in our connection, in the existence of us as a couple. At times, I wished he would get angry. Boiling, horribly angry. I wished he would scream and yell and fight, breaking my heart, hurting me as I knew I was hurting him. I deserved it, his anger and hatred. I didn't deserve his love. And his continued supply of compassion made me sick, nauseous and disgusted with myself. He gave everything to me and I couldn't give anything in return. I didn't deserve him.

_No. Don't think that_, I told myself. _He loves me. I love him. Everything is all right._

I shook my head slightly and brushed my hair back with my fingers as I settled into the black leather interior of my red convertible.

_Last time I was here, I was a mother._ The thought slammed into my mind before I could block it. My stomach flipped violently and my breath rushed out in rush. My breath continued to rasp in and out harshly for a few moments as the pounding of my blood lessened. Finally, after resting my forehead against the steering wheel and taking in multiple deep breaths, I was able to straighten myself and slowly open my stinging, wet eyes. My fingers shook against the wheel as I put the car into drive and made my way down the street.

Less than ten minutes later, I entered the shop and glanced around. It was the same as before. Nothing had changed. It was strange. My world had crashed down, but everything had kept on at the same pace, not knowing or caring about my loss. I felt like the world should be in mourning with me, but it wasn't. To everyone and everything else, the loss of my unborn child was insignificant.

I heard Alice squeal before I saw her. "She lives," she squealed. She raced towards me and threw her arms around me, squeezing tightly. I gave my best impression of what I believed to be my normal smile.

"Hey," I said, keeping the forced smile. My voice cracked as I spoke.

"I swear, I thought you were done for. Emmett says you had the flu? I'm sorry. I'm glad you're feeling better!" She grinned at me brightly and grasped my hand.

"Looks like everything is going well," I said, glancing around the shop again, trying to focus on the here-and-now, to not let thoughts of what had occurred infiltrate my conscious thought.

"Yup," she chirped. "Oh, and guess what!"

I raised my eyebrows in response, a slight, but honest, smile coming to my lips, unable to resist Alice's natural charm. She dropped my hand and went to stand directly in front of me, turning so I was looking at her profile.

"Look! The bump is here!" She placed her hand on her lower belly for a moment, stroking it, before pulling her hand away. There was a small but true rise in her belly where her baby lay.

My breath caught in my throat automatically, and I blinked multiple times, attempting to bite back the tears and hide the emotion I knew was present on my face.

"That-" My voice was shaking. I took a deep breath. "That's great, Alice. That is just…" My voice trailed off lamely and she looked up into my face, her brow crinkled in worry.

"You alright?" I could hear the true concern in her voice.

I was close to telling her what had happened, of spilling out my tragedy, but as I looked at her pixie face, glowing with the joy of pregnancy, I found myself unable to speak about it. It would hurt her, make her cry. How could I do that to her?

"Yeah," I said, planting the forced smile back on my face. "Absolutely fine."

She looked at me for a few more moments before I broke the eye contact. "Come on," I started. "How about we order in some lunch?"

***

I had ordered our usual: an assortment of delicious, flavorful appetizers from the small Indian restaurant just down the block from our shop. Within twenty minutes, our sweet and spicy meal had arrived and been paid for. I was just opening up the Styrofoam boxes on a small wooden table near the front desk when Alice came out from the back.

Inhaling deeply, she smiled and grinned. "It smells amazing."

I gave a small smile and popped a few of her favorite items onto a plate and handed it to her. She and I quickly dug into the food as she filled the space with continuous chatter. My mind was only half present as she spoke, hearing her words but not fully taking in the meaning. But as a sudden change broke into her tone, my mind snapped into full attention.

"Oh my God," she said, her voice quiet and thick.

"Alice? Alice?!" Her face was turning pale and she sprang to her feet, bolting to the bathroom. I ran after her, reaching the still-open door to the bathroom in time to see Alice lean over the bowl and empty the contents of her stomach. She pulled back, still retching slightly, and lay down on the cool tile floor. I flushed the handle on the toilet before seating myself beside her.

"Alice, are you alright?"

She shut her eyes slowly, not responding.

"Alice?"

She opened her eyes and slowly sat up. "I hate this." Her voice was low and bothered.

"Throwing up? Of course you do, Al-"

"I'm not talking about throwing up. I hate this. All of this." She got to her feet and motioned at her slightly swollen stomach. "I'm not ready for any of this! I can't be a mom! For God's sake, I can't keep a damn goldfish alive! What the hell am I supposed to do with a kid? I just want it all to stop!" Her voice rose in crescendo as I kneeled on the floor, staring at her. My hands had begun to shake; I shoved them into my pockets so she wouldn't see my quaking.

"You don't mean that, Alice," I stated quietly.

"I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!" Her voice cracked violently as she broke into a scream. "Damn it, Rose! I'm not like you! I don't _want_ a kid! I just want it all to stop! I JUST WANT THIS DAMN THNG TO GO AWAY!"

"You don't know what you are saying, Alice." I didn't remember standing, but suddenly I was towering over her small figure.

"YES I DO! I DON'T WANT THIS! I HATE THIS! I _HATE_ IT!"

I couldn't stop myself. The anger boiled up in me like acid, burning every portion of my body and suddenly I was screaming with all my might into her flushed face. "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Deep color flooded her face. "DON'T YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH! YOU DON'T WHAT ANY OF THIS IS LIKE!"

We both froze as her words sunk in, turning the air around us to solid ice. When I spoke again my voice was as cold and steely as the air between us. "Don't I? Don't you remember? Or have you forgotten that quickly?"

"Rose- I… I'm so sorry… I-" She took a step forward and wrapped her hand around my quivering forearm; I jerked out of her grasp.

"Don't touch me!" My voice cracked.

"I wasn't thinking, Rosalie. I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"I hate you," I whispered, the words slithering from my lips before I could stop them. I watched motionlessly as Alice's dark eyes filled with tears.

"Rose…"

"I HATE YOU!" I found myself screaming in to her red, tear soaked face. Before she could to more then let out a sob, I had turned, running back out, flinging my bag over one shoulder and grabbing my coat of the front counter. The door slammed shut behind me as I raced to my car. I took off without thinking, stopping a few blocks away. Painful, jerking sobs ripped through my chest as I slammed my fists time and time again against the wheel as I screamed "damn it" and "why" over and over. My words changed without thinking, into a begging plead for some sort of explanation for the pain.

My screams and pounding fists subsided, leaving me to shake and silently beg God for some answer, some end to the pain and torment that was unceasingly filling me.

Finally I stilled, spent and broken. As silent tears continued to drip down my face, I picked up my phone and slowly dialed Emmett's number.

"Em? I need you to come and get me."

"What happened? Are you alright?"

"I'm- No, I'm not."

And I knew that I never would be again.  


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**Well? What did you think? Send me a review and let me know! My love and thanks goes out to each and every one of you. Thanks for taking the time to read my humble writings. I appreciate it so much. A special thanks to ****HyperPixiexoxo, my newest reader/reviewer. Lots of love!**

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	23. Truthfully

**Hello, everyone! I hope that you are all having a wonderful day. If not, then I hope my story helps bring a little brightness! Read on and don't forget to leave some love!

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**~~~Rosalie~~~**

"What happened, love?" Emmet was lying on the bed; I was curled into his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me, trying to settle the broken sobs that were ripping from my chest.

"She said she hated it."

"Hated what?"

"Pregnant. She hates being pregnant, and said that she just wanted it all to go away."

He was silent for a few minutes, his hand stroking lovingly across my back and through my hair while the other stayed steady, holding me to him.

"I'm sorry, Rose." I could hear the slight prick of tears and pain in his voice. "I am so sorry."

"Me too, Em. Me too."

And as I lay in his arms, undeserving of his love, I realized that it would always be like that. Others would receive what we longed for, and they might now realize the true value and beauty of it. And there was nothing I could ever do to change that.

I just wanted it to end. I didn't want to feel, to see, to hear anymore. I just wanted it all to end, so I could breath. So, for once, I could just breathe. Just exist, without pain or reminders of loss. I just wanted silence.

**~~~Alice~~~**

The front door opened and closed quietly as Jasper entered the apartment. I was perched on the bed, legs crossed, back and head pressed against a thick pillow. My shirt was drawn up to just under my bra, revealing my small bump. The words that had come screaming from my lips earlier engulfed me again and again, filling me with guilt.

"Alice," he called.

"In here," I responded meekly, calling him into the bedroom. He appeared in the doorway, slipping off his coat and loosening his tie as he looked at me.

"You alright?"

I sighed heavily and he crossed to the bed, slipping of his shoes before settling beside me.

"I messed up, Jazz." I said. "I… I said some things that I never should have said. And I can't fix it. I can't just run back time and take it all back."

Jasper turned on to his side, facing me; I tilted my face towards his. His hand stroked from my temple, across my cheek and down my neck. It traveled across my shoulder and chest, causing me to shudder, before it finally stopped on top of the rise in my stomach. My eyes were locked on his and I was quickly becoming lost in his gaze.

"Tell me what happened," he whispered.

I shook my head as tears welled up in my eyes. How could I tell him that I wasn't sure that I wanted our child to not exist? It would hurt him; I couldn't do that.

I placed my hand over his and slid it off of my stomach. Just the touch of his skin against the child inside of me made me feel sick. It wasn't that I didn't want a child with Jasper. I did. I was just so unsure, so terrified of the changes and the new life that would be ours in a matter of months. I was terrified that Jasper would hate being a father. That he would leave again. And I just wasn't ready.

I glanced back at his face; his eyes were locked on the spot his hand had just vacated. Slowly, his eyes met mine. I could feel the fear in them, and I knew that he knew the truth.

"You don't want this." He didn't pose it as a question, but as a fact.

I pulled my hand away from his, yanked down my shirt and rolled onto my side, trying to hide what I knew was shining through my eyes.

"Alice…" His voice was kind, but stern. His long arm reach out and wrapped over my waist. I jumped out of his touch, getting to my feet.

"I just don't know, Jazz! I don't _know _what I want! I don't _know_ what to do! So just stop being so damn nice about this! I don't deserve it! Just stop, already!"

Once again, words were tumbling from my lips and into the air, without any thought or filter. I stormed from the room, slamming it behind me and blindly walked to the living room. I heard the bedroom door reopen as Jasper came out. I walked to the stereo that was set up in the living room, turning it on with shaking hands, just for something to do. Just so I could avoid his eyes. The music that came out was a soft, peaceful classical piece. It felt unnaturally calm compared the tension that was coursing through me. I heard Jasper's slow, measured steps cross the room until finally his hands brushed against my waist.

One hand traveled down my arm, holding my fingers lightly in his hand, while the other touched delicately against my hip. He lifted our interlocked hands above my head and spun me slowly, as if dancing, to face him. His one hand tightened against my waist and we began to sway slowly to the music. My head rested against his chest; his thumb brushed smoothly over the back of my hand again and again.

"If you don't want any of this…" His voice trailed off, leaving the unspoken suggestion hanging in the air.

"It's not that, exactly."

"What happened with you and Rosalie?"

I let out a heavy sigh. Slowly, attempting to stay calm, I started my story. When I finally finished, he dropped my hand and placed his on my other hip.

"Is that true, Alice? Do you really hate this?"

I shut my eyes, wrapped my arms tightly around him and leaned my head against his chest.

"No," I said softly. "No, I don't hate this, but I hate parts of it." I paused, gauging his reaction. "I love the fact that I am lucky enough to have you, Jazz. And I am so happy that I get to see my body grow your child. I feel so blessed, I really do. But I hate being sick all the time, and tired. I hate being nauseous and I hate parts of my hurting. And no, I don't love being fat."

"You are _not _fat," he interjected. I laughed lightly.

"Not the point, Jasper."

"Then what is the point?" He whispered, bowing his head to brush his lips against my hair.

"I'm scared, Jasper. And tired. I become nauseous at almost anything and, as we both know, throw up at the drop of a hat. Things are going to get worse before they get better, at which point, we will have a small life depending on us to keep it healthy, happy and alive. I am so scared that we aren't ready for any of this." I paused; Jasper took in a deep breath; I could feel his fingers trembling against my slightly. "But none of that is the point. The point is that I love being pregnant with your child, no matter how hard it is, and I love you. I was just angry and upset and scared. I said things I didn't mean. God knows we have been through that before. But believe me when I say that I did not mean what I told Rosalie. I love this. I just don't love everything that comes along with it."

Finally, I looked up, into his dazzling eyes. I smile slowly worked across his lips. He slid his hands slowly up my back, to my shoulders, neck, and finally, to cup my face on each side. Bending down, Jasper pressed his lips against mine.

I had never been more in love then at that moment. And he had never been more delicious.

**~~~Bella~~~**

I gave a second, third, fourth glance around the room before yanking the zipper shut. Everything looked normal; I was sure of it. It would work for a short while at least. And maybe, if I were extremely lucky, Edward would never know. I would tell him eventually, I knew that much. But if I told him of my plans before I executed them, I would never be able to follow through. The guilt was heavy and pressing enough. If I didn't go now, I never would.

I slung the moderately sized bag over my shoulder and tucked my keys into my pocket. I scrawled a message on the note pad we kept on the kitchen counter, leaving an untruthful explanation to Edward as to where I was. I prayed, as I left the apartment and locked the door, that he would swallow my lie and not question the truth.

_He'll know, Bella. He always knows. _My mind told me. _You are so lucky to have him, but it is hanging by a thread. But here you go again, screwing it all up_.

I tried to convince myself that everything would be fine. It did little to calm my erratic nerves and forced me to believe my lie even less. I glanced down at the ring on my finger and slipped it off, stuffing it deeply into my pocket.

_I'm sorry, Edward. _I thought to myself. _You deserve better. I never meant to hurt you._

My fist tapped against the door lightly once. There was no response. I knocked again, louder this time. It was late, after all. Odds that he was already asleep were pretty good.

I loved Edward, I really did. But there was something, some damned connection between Jacob and myself that I hated but could not release. A part of me wished I could run from Jacob and never have to see the hurt I caused shining back at me, but I couldn't. He was my best friend, before I had Alice and Rose. Before I had Edward. It would be easier, in more ways then one, to leave Jacob behind and never stare into his deep, mahogany eyes again. That would be so much simpler.

I couldn't bring myself to do that. He had done too much, given too much, helped and loved me beyond imagine. And I couldn't just forget that. I couldn't just let it go.

I could hear clumsy movement stirring inside: It sounded as if Jacob had walked into a table. The door opened, revealing a tall, shirtless Jacob, rubbing at one eye sleepily with the heel of his hand. He lowered his hand slowly, blinking a few times as he looked at me.

"Bella? What the hell are you doing here? Does Edward know you are here?"

"No, he doesn't. Can I come in?"

Slowly, still looking confused, Jacob stepped aside, letting me entire into the dark house.

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**There is Chapter 23... This sure seems to be adding up quickly, doesn't it? Lately, my review amounts have been getting smaller and smaller. Please don't let the reviews die! I know that you are all still reading (I _hope_ you are...) but your reviews are the only way I know you are reading my story. Review away!**

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	24. Forgiveness

**Let's face it. I failed at getting a chapter up in any sort of reasonable amount of time. All I can say is that I am so so sorry, that I haven't forgotten about you all, and that life got crazy in the past month. To make up for it, the chapter is extra long. I hope you enjoy it!**

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**Edward POV**

"Bella?" I called into the apartment as I shut the door behind me. "Bella?" There was no response; the apartment seemed to be deserted. After a quick run through of the house, it was clear that Bella wasn't home. With a slight prick of nerves and fear settling in my chest, I hurried to the kitchen. I nabbed the pad of paper from the counter, praying that there would be an explanation.

_Edward,_

_I'm out with the girls. We all needed a night out._

_Hope you don't mind._

_I love you._

_-B_

I fingered the edge of the paper, tore the sheet off, and crammed it into my pocket. I felt a slight twinge of disbelief at Bella's words. _Wouldn't she have told you before?_ I thought to myself. I shook my head, trying to clear the doubt that was slowing taking hold. I slipped off my coat and hung it quickly before settling on the couch. I flipped on the television in an attempt to occupy my mind. It was of no use. I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong. I yanked my cell phone from my pocket and pressed the number 1 speed dial. The phone rang multiple times. With each ring, my hope of hearing Bella's voice lessened. I snapped it shut when I hit voicemail.

"Don't be stupid," I muttered aloud to myself. "Don't mess things up again. She wouldn't lie."

***

I was drifting in an out of sleep on the couch, waiting to hear from Bella, when the phone began to ring. I jumped up quickly and yanked the receiver to my ear.

"Hello?" I tried to keep my voice calm, hoping that it was Bella's voice I was about to hear.

"Hey Edward. It's Alice."

I grumbled inaudibly. "What is it Alice?"

"Could I talk to Bella? It's… I just really need to talk to her."

I froze, one hand fastening itself to the granite counter of the kitchen. I dug my fingers uselessly against it.

"What are you talking about? Bella is with you… Isn't she?"

Alice sounded worried when she began to speak. "What? No, she isn't. I'm at home. I- why would you think she was with me?"

"That's- She… Nothing. No reason." The lie came out roughly.

"Edward, what is going on? Where is Bella?" Worry was clear in her voice.

"I don't know," I muttered, slightly untruthfully. All my previous worries crashed into me. I had a very clear idea as to where Bella was. "I have to go, Alice."

"Call me when you find out, Edward. And don't do anything stupid."

I hung up the phone, only to pick it up again after an instant, dialing Bella's number. Pressing the redial time and time again. Calling Rosalie, my parents, even Angela, in my desperate search to locate her. To prove my own suspicions wrong.

I knew, even then, that she was with him. That she was with Jacob.

**Bella POV**

I had shut off my phone hours ago, after Edward had called a few times. Now, as I stared into Jacob's face, I was thankful. A call from Edward now would have been potentially disastrous.

"What are you doing here?"

Jacob's arms were crossed over his bare chest. I squirmed in my seat on the couch and fiddled with my fingers nervously.

"I just thought that…"

"What? Did he dump you again? Are you back again because you have no where else to go?"

I gulped and flushed. "No."

"Then why the hell are you here, Bella?" His voice was rising steadily.

"I… I don't know. I felt like I should-"

"I don't want your pity."

"I'm not giving you pity, Jake."

"Like hell you aren't!"

"Jake, just listen to me," I said, my voice rising to match his. "Please!" I tacked on when he rolled his eyes and turned away from me. He sighed heavily.

"Fine," he grumbled, turning back towards me and throwing himself into a seat across from me. I gave a small smile; it wasn't returned. I faltered as I began to speak.

'Jake, I never meant to hurt you. I really didn't. It's just…" My voice trailed off at the sight of his cold stare. The warmth in his eyes that I was so familiar with was gone. I gulped and began to speak again.

"I always loved you, Jacob. Please know that."

He rolled his eyes again.

"Jake, I did! You are my best friend, you always have been. But I am in love with him, Jacob, and there is nothing I can do to stop that."

He shut his eyes, let out a sigh, and seemed to deflate slightly, his shoulders sagging. When he opened his eyes again, they were softer, visible pain, but caring as well shining through.

"I know, Bella. And that's what makes it so much harder. I know that there will never be anything I can do. I can never change your mind."

I gave a sad sort of grimace. "I'm sorry, Jake."

"Why are you here?"

"I couldn't just leave like I did, and never come back. Never apologize. Jake, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I had to try to make things right."

He yanked his fingers through his hair roughly before looking at me.

"Can things ever be right, Bella?"

I nibbled at my lip. "No. But I had to try."

He cracked a small smile at that.

"I always loved you, Bella."

"I know."

In one swift, fluid moment, Jacob stood and crossed to me, pulling me to my feet. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I gratefully returned the embrace. His breath brushed my hair as he let out a sigh.

"What am I going to do with you, Bella," he muttered. I smiled and pulled away so I could look into his face.

"I don't know, Jake. I guess we are going to have to leave that one up to chance."

***

We ended up on the couch, having filled close to three hours with talking, interspersed with longs lapses of silence. I had changed from my soaked clothes into a t-shirt and pair of gym shorts from Jacob. I could feel my eyes starting to close. Half conscious of what I was doing, practically drunk with lack of sleep, I spoke.

"Hey, Jake?"

He responded with an unintelligible mumble. I took it as a sign to continue.

"Jake, there is something else."

"I know. You're getting married."

I sat bolt upright, twisting to stare at his now open eyes.

"What do you mean '_I know_'? How did you-"

"Please, Bella. It was written all over your face. I knew it from the moment I saw you at the front door." I silently gaped at him, incredulous. "And don't worry, Bells. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Smiling to myself, I flopped back against his chest, pulling my legs onto the couch. I curled up and allowed myself to drift off into a heavy sleep against Jacob's muscled chest.

**Edward POV**

What if I knew I was wrong? What if I knew I should just let it go? What if everything was my fault?

I never loved her enough. I never showed her just how much I cared. I held on too tight in all the wrong ways. I had pushed her away by trying to hold her in. I knew what I had to do.

No matter how much I wanted to jump in my car, speed my way to Forks and convince Bella once and for all that I was the one, not Jacob, I knew I couldn't. Holding her back, trying to keep her so desperately had led to this entire mess.

And I couldn't do that anymore. I had no choice but to sit, staring at nothing, waiting. Praying.

Praying that at any moment, the phone would ring and Bella would be on the other end. Praying that the door would open, Bella would walk in. Praying that I would once more be able to kiss her lips, touch her waist, hold her close. Praying that I hadn't lost everything.

**Bella POV**

"I'll see you soon," I said as I embraced Jacob.

"Of course."

"I mean it. Come up to visit some time."

He grinned as he stepped back. "I will. I promise." He glanced down at my left hand, the glittering ring. "Send me an invitation to the wedding, Bella."

I nodded. I leaned up and kissed his cheek softly before starting to walk to my car.

"Hey, Bella?" He called as I reached to open the driver-side door. I looked up, squinting against the late-morning sunlight. "I love you."

I smiled softly. "Love you too, Jake."

With that, I slipped into the car, started the ignition and made my way out of Forks.

***

I opened the door as quietly as possible and slipped in, closing it behind me with a small click.

"Edward?" My voice was quiet; there was no response. I hurried to the bedroom and dropped my bag on the floor before heading to the living room.

Edward was sprawled on his back across the couch, one long leg dangling to the ground, and the other sticking over the end. He was asleep, his slow, steady breathing filling the air. I hesitated before crossing to him. Gingerly, I lifted his head up, just enough to fit myself onto the couch. As I let his head rest in my lap, he began to stir. When his eyes opened and caught sight of me, he sat blot upright.

"Bella?" He sounded unsure of my presence.

I gave a nervous chuckle, but dropped my eyes upon seeing his expression. "Hey," I drew out the last sound slightly in a nervous manner.

Edward remained silent; I could feel his eyes on my profile. I shifted so my body was angled towards his, but I kept my eyes locked on my intertwined fingers.

"Bella?" His voice was softer this time. "Bella, please look at me."

I gulped before slowly raising my eyes to meet his. The burning emeralds were softer than I expected them to be, intense, but not angry.

"How is Jacob?"

I cringed. As if there had been any doubt that he knew. Hearing the words, the conformation of his knowledge, slammed onto me with an exceeding force of guilt.

I fought to keep my eyes locked with his. "Um… fine." Silence lapped between us again. "Edward, I am-"

"Do you love him?" He cut across my apology. My eyes fell once more. When I didn't respond, Edward spoke again. "Why did you go back?"

I was silent for a moment. His hand lifted up and raised my chin, holding it there for a moment.

"I had to, Edward." I could feel my hands beginning to shake. I clenched them together in an attempt to stop them. "I… It's just, Edward, I have know Jacob, well, forever. He was my best friend. Edward, I love you, I do. But I have known Jacob for so long. You can't just erase all of that. No one can. And I can't just pretend that he didn't exist." Edward's eyes landed on my quaking hands. He placed one of his over them. I turned one hand so I could fully link hands with Edward.

"I need to know, Bella. Did you and Jacob…?" His voice trailed off questioningly.

"No, we never did anything like-" I faltered, remembering the kiss we had shared previously, just moments after I had found out about Edward's accident. "Yes." Edward's hand twitched in mine, but made no other move to withdraw. "He kissed… Well, we kissed once. I was with him when I found out about you. About the accident. And Jake kissed me." I looked back into Edward's eyes, breathing in and continuing on. "And I kissed him back."

His eyes shut and a breath slipped from his lips.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"Why did you go back?" His eyes were a degree cooler now, edging towards icy, but his hand still resided in mine.

"Because last time I was there, we kissed… and I ran. I broke his heart, Edward. I had to go back. I had to try to make things right. He loves me, Edward, and I… and I love him. But not in the way that I love you.

"I love him. Yes, I do. I don't _want _to love him, Edward. From the first moment I saw you… I can't even describe it. It was, it _is_, magic. I hate being away from you. But Jacob and I have known each other so long. We have a connection that is impossible to break."

"You love him."

"Yes." My eyes stung as I bit back the tears that were building up. My worst fears were about to be confirmed. A tremor burst through me, panic rising inside. He was going to end it, then and there.

"Well," he began.

"I love Jacob… but I am _in _love with you. There is a difference. I don't want to spend my life with Jacob. I want you to be the one I marry. I can't even think of losing you."

"Bella…" I pulled my hand from his and stood, yanking my hair away from my face. I turned away from him, hiding the first few tears from his sight. I heard Edward stand behind me and take a few steps in my direction.

"Bella, I love you. I have from the first moment I met you. I never want to lose you, but if Jacob is the one that you want… I wont make you stay."

"Edward, do you not understand how much I love you? Every fiber of my being in horribly, perfectly, passionately in love with you." I kept my back towards him; he stood directly behind me. Softly, his fingers came to rest against the crest of my hip. "But please, Edward, don't make me choose." My voice was thick with tears. I paused and turned to face Edward. "Because I would choose you."

Edward's hand remained light as an angel's kiss on my hip. I hesitantly lifted my eyes and met his. They were a tormented, pulsing emerald inferno. He wasn't smiling and his eyes were unusually damp. A single tear dripped from the sparkling gems. I lifted a finger and stroked it away.

"I would choose you." I repeated my words. "Edward, I would choose you over Jacob, over anything. Over everything. Edward, I would sacrifice anything to be with you. I can't live without you. I would give up everything in the world so long as I had you."

He shut his eyes briefly and I noticed a small upturn in his lips.

"You know how I feel about you. So please, don't make me choose."

"I am so sorry, Bella."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for."

"I have been so… so stubborn about…"

"Edward, please-"

"I love you, Bella." Other words had failed us. The statement, clear, true, unfettered rang from his lips, and untarnished as the first time he had uttered it.

"I love you, Edward."

"And I will never, I promise, make you choose again. I swear on my life."

I fell into him, my arms encircling his waist. He brought his second arm up behind me holding me tightly. My tears began to saturate his shirt and a small chuckle came out from my lips.

"What's so funny?" He murmured against my hair.

"Us. We are such a mess," I said, chuckling again. All the stress, worry, angst, everything that had built up within me over the recent months, was pouring out in a strange, damp combination of sobs and laughs.

I could feel Edward smiling against the crown of my head, his fingers stroking my back, silently comforting me, accepting my outpouring of emotion.

"'Either fall in love or kill each other,'" I whispered against his chest. He made a questioning mumble.

"Alice said it to me once," I explained. "When I first met your family. She said that you and I would either fall in love or kill each other."

"Which one is it?"

I laughed and tilted my face up. He kissed my lightly.

"The first one," I stated decisively. "Or maybe the second. Maybe both."

He grinned and pulled me in for another kiss, this one stronger.

"That reminds me. Alice called." He said the words mere inches from my lips; I could feel his breath tickle my lips.

"I should call her," I said before kissing him once more. He nodded.

"Absolutely," he murmured.

Our lips met again, parting against one another. My heart began to pound in my chest.

"It is probably important…" I trailed off as Edward's lips traveled down my jaw to my neck. I gasped as he met the hollow of my throat.

"Maybe…" I tried to articulate my words. Focusing hard, I tried again. "Maybe it can wait a little while."

In one swift motion, Edward stood back to his full height, lifting one of my legs to entwine his hip.

"An hour at most," I said.

Edward lifted me fully, our lips meeting forcefully, my free leg moving to mirror the other.

"An hour and a half," I conceded.

He took a few steps back and sank onto the couch.

"Two hours," I whispered.

His lips crashed onto mine fully, nothing restrained. The intensity of the past few months, both good and bad, flooded between us, and electric channel running between us everywhere we touched.

"I love you, Bella."

He shifted us and I was on my back, Edward hovering above me. His lips tickled across my temple, down my jaw to my throat.

"I love you, Edward."

His fingers flicked open the top button of my shirt and my breath was shot from me.

"Forget Alice," he said,

My fingers wound into his hair tightly as I savored every touch.

"That is the best idea I have ever heard."

He laughed and kissed me once more.

"Isabella," He whispered silkily. "You are burning me alive."

* * *

**So, there the latest! Ok, I really hope you enjoyed it. Please shoot me lots of reviews and let me know what you think. Also, I am on the market for an editor of sorts, to read through my chapters before I post. If you know anyone or are personally interested, let me know!**

**Love to you all!**

**xoxo  
**


	25. Looking for Air

**Hey everyone-  
I have a lot of A/N to give before we start the chapter. It's all very important, so please do read. Thanks, lovelies!  
First of all, I would like to announce who my new editor is: xMissCullenx. A talented writer herself and a faithful reader from the start, she showed an amazing ability to not turn my work into her own creation, but to take what I gave and turn it into an enhanced version. A million thank you's to everyone who took the time to show off their Beta-skills. I truly appreciate it.  
Secondly, it was suggested to me to change the story up a bit. The most successful stories on FanFiction are, typically, rated M and include some "lemons." It was suggested that I turn this story into a rated M and add in a bit of lemons to boost my ratings. Now before anyone starts freaking out, please, don't worry. I have no idea if I am going to do that or not. I am asking for the opinion of every single one of you here. I have a decent fan base as is (one amazing reader told me that she enjoyed my story more than the original Twilight- I love you guys so much) and I don't want to lose a single reader. If you are, however, comfortable with reading a rated M story tell me. If you read this, I am begging you to comment and let me know one way or another. You all have been amazing throughout this entire writing experience and I am making this story for all of you. So please, be brutally honest and tell me whether you are comfortable with it or not. And don't worry; it wouldn't be horribly graphic or anything. I would keep it rather mild, so please don't stress too much. Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you.  
Now on to the chapter. This chapter is a lot of filler. It is _important _filler, but filler all the same. I am terribly sorry if you find it boring- it is important information and I promise that the next chapter will be much more exciting. I also have a special surprise for you all at the end of the chapter, so read all the way through!  
**

* * *

**Jasper POV**

"Why didn't she call me back?" Alice's leg was bouncing up and down as she sat on the couch.

"She's probably just busy, Love."

"What if Rosalie told her what I said, so now Bella's mad at me, too?" Setting down the glass of orange juice that she had a death grip on, Alice stood and began to pace around the living room, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Alice, Bella isn't mad-"

"Maybe that's why Edward said she wasn't home!" She said cutting me of and stopped her pacing to look back at me, her mind determined that she was in trouble. "Edward must have known, so he lied and said that she wasn't there!"

"Alice, you know as well as I do that Edward wouldn't do that."

"How do you know? He could have! He-"

"Alice!" My tone was stern. She stopped trying to talk over me, fiddling her fingers together instead. "Alice" I continued, my voice softening, "We both know that Bella wasn't home when you called. We don't know what she was up to and it's none of our business. She might still be out, or something might be going on with her and Edward. We don't know. But I do know that this isn't your fault, so please, for both of our sakes and sanity; please stop convincing yourself that everybody hates you."

Alice meandered her way back to the couch and flopped onto it beside me. I placed an arm around her and pulled her close.

"But what if they do, Jazz?" She whispered against my chest. I sighed and pressed my lips to her hair.

"Then they're overreacting and are being ridiculous. And, Bella would have had to have a complete personality change to ever be able to hate you. She  
loves you, sweetheart, and so does Rosalie. Don't convince yourself otherwise."

Alice raised her face towards mine; her eyes were brimming with worry.

"Really?" She asked, her voice soft and fragile. I smiled softly, nodded and touched her forehead with my lips.

"Yes, love, really"

"How can you be sure?" She placed her head against my chest again, snuggling back against me.

"Alice," I sighed, wondering how best to convince her. "You are beautiful; inside and out, very talented and a truly lovely person. You are unbelievably gorgeous and unrequitedly kind-hearted. No matter what happens, the only way you will ever lose those who love you is by losing yourself. Things are just changing. I know that everything seems like it's up in the air, but you need to keep sight of who you are. Don't forget your kindness, your magnificent energy and unbreakable optimism. That is what makes you who you are. And it's what draws people to you. Keep that in sight, and the problems that you're facing; the pregnancy, Rosalie, everything, will be manageable.

"I love you, Alice Cullen. Rosalie's just going through a hard time, but she loves you, too, don't doubt that for a single minute." The slight dampness on the fabric of my shirt told me she was crying. I pulled her closer still against me and soothed her with my hand on her back.

"You're too good for me, Jazz," she whispered. I chuckled.

"No, Alice. You are the blessing in this relationship. I'm just the lucky bastard that gets to keep you." She giggled and looked back up at me. Delicately, she stroked one hand down my temple, cupping my cheek. Her dark eyes burning with intensity, she placed her lips against mine.

"I don't know what I would do without you," she murmured before knotting her fingers in my hair, pulling herself closer and deepening the kiss.

***

"How is it..." I muttered, watching Alice's back rise and fall steadily with her breaths, "That even when pregnant, you are still that…amazing?"

She laughed and playfully smacked my bare chest.

"Are we even allowed to do that anymore?" At this, Alice sat bolt upright, a look of horror on her face.

I laughed. "Alice, I was kidding. We are. Don't worry."

"You had better not be lying in a pitiful attempt to get laid, again," she snarled. She narrowed her eyes but, after a moment of scrutiny, in an attempt to read my honesty, she seemed to deem me innocent. With a slight huff, she lay back against me, her back curved against my side. I rested one hand against her slight baby bump.

"When is the first ultrasound?" I asked. Truthfully, I already knew it was in three days, but I couldn't think of a better way to lead into my actual  
question.

"Three days." She answered. "I thought I'd told you that."

"Oh… Right..." I muttered lamely. Alice tilted her head back, craning her neck so she could see my face.

"What is it?" She scrunched her brow quizzically.

"I just… I didn't know if you wanted me to… you know…"

"What? If I wanted you there?" I nodded, slightly nervous and hesitant of her upcoming response. "Damn it, Jazz!" She laughed and rolled over so  
she rested on top of me. Her willowy arms crossed over my chest; she rested her chin against them, her dark eyes sparkling. I traced my fingers down her  
spine causing her to giggle and then catch my hand in hers. She drew it to her lips and kissed it softly. I smiled then looked at her expectantly.

"Well? Err… do you?" Hearing the sincere note of worry in my voice, Alice dropped my hand, her dark eyes clouding with disquiet. They remained worried and clouded for a moment before softening. Smiling slightly, Alice gazed into my eyes.

"Jasper, of course I want you there," she murmured. "I wouldn't be where I am today had it not been for you and our baby would not exist without you. Of course I want you to meet our baby when I do. I want you beside me, holding my hand every step of the way."

"Good," I smiled and she delicately brushed her lips against mine. She rolled off of me and settled back beside me. I wrapped one arm around her and she placed a soft whisper of a kiss against my shoulder.

"Alice," I started after a few minutes of comfortable silence had ensued. "There's...something else I wanted to ask." She tilted her face towards mine again and raised her eyebrows as a signal to continue. I did.

"Alice… I know that you want to have the full wedding, with a dress and fancy everything, but I…" My voice caught and faltered for a moment. "I want us to get married before the baby is born. We don't have to have the whole ceremony yet; we can do that after the baby comes. So, I just thought that, well, we should make it legal. That way our baby is legitimate." I had taken to staring at the ceiling while saying all of this, my nerves seeming to be overriding my system. I was, therefore, shocked to see tears welling up in Alice's eyes when I did build up the confidence to meet her eyes.

"Alice, why are you-" I panicked automatically. Crap! She thinks I am pressuring her into...

"Thank you," she sobbed, cutting off my train of thought. She mopped at her eyes, both laughing and helplessly sobbing against me. "Oh God, look at me!" She chocked out. "I am a wreck. An insane, distraught, overly emotional wreck." I laughed and kissed the crown of her head. Once her tears had slowed, she graced me with a watery smile. "You would really do that for our baby, Jazz?"

"Of course I would, Allie. I would do anything for him or her. But more than that, Alice, I would do anything for you. I mean that." She closed her eyes, apparently letting my words linger in her mind. Finally when she opened them; they were deep, dark and swimming with emotion.

"I love you, Jasper. Don't ever forget that."

"The same to you, Alice."

"I'm not going to lie; these next few months are going to suck at times. And I may be awful and annoying and over-bearing. But, never forget that I love you. Promise me?"

I nodded against her. "Always." We were both silent; the moments trickled  
by peacefully.

"Jasper, will it always be like this? Can it always be this perfect?"

I nodded.

"Of course, Alice. Always. I promise."

**Alice POV**

"Call me," I finished the message and set the phone back in its charger. Dejected, I sank onto the couch. Jasper entered the room and glanced at me.

"No luck, then?"

I shook my head solemnly. Jasper settled onto the couch beside me with a sigh. He placed one hand on my knee. I tilted my face towards his.

"She'll come around, love," he murmured.

It was all I could do to not roll my eyes.

"It's not Rosalie that has the problem here, Jasper. She didn't mess up, that was me. So don't make it sound like it is her fault." I said sternly and we lapsed into a prickly silence.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "I didn't mean to be rude."

Jasper chuckled. "It's fine, love."

I shook my head. "No, it's not. You are way too nice to me, Jazz."

He kissed my temple. "That's my job, Allie."

I closed my eyes, savoring his touch. The peaceful moment was broken by the blaring ring of the phone. I leapt from the couch and bounded to the phone, yanking it off the hook.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Alice?" It was Bella; my excitement dropped.

"Bella. Um… Hi." I paused and glanced over my shoulder at Jasper. Understanding my look, he stood, smiled and left the room, granting me my privacy.

"I am so sorry for not calling you back yesterday. I was," She paused for a moment. "I was… preoccupied."

I laughed. "Well, as long as sexy time with Edward was-"

"What? How did you…" She trailed off. I could practically see her blushing.

After an embarrassed silence of her part, Bella cleared her throat. "So, what did you need to talk to me about? Edward said it was important."

"I…" My mind was unable to think of the proper words to explain. "It's complicated…"

"Do you want to come over?"

That was the beauty of a friendship with Bella; she'd always been able to understand what I needed without me having to say it.

"Please. Thanks, Bella."

"No worries, I'll see you soon, honey."

**Bella POV**

"Edward, get up," I nudged him. "Edward. Get up. Now. Come on."

He was sprawled along the couch in a position similar to how he'd been when he had fallen asleep the night before. Unable to sleep on the too-crowded couch, I had migrated to the bedroom around 3 in the morning. Edward, however, had practically passed out and had, as of yet, refused to move.

"Edward, Alice is coming over. So, unless you want your baby sister's innocent eyes to be tainted by all your glory, I would move your ass off this couch."

He groggily opened one eye, blinking in the morning brightness.

"No offense, love," he grumbled, "But please be quiet. I'm trying to sleep."

"Get up!" I shoved his arm off the back of the couch. He ignored me. I huffed, and stalked into the kitchen. Frustrated but humorous, I filled a glass with cold water and made my way back to the living room. Seating myself on the floor beside Edward's head on the couch, I smiled. I leaned forward and touched his lips with mine. He smiled but gave no other indication of movement.

"You leave me no other choice," I grumbled, pulling away from him. I carefully stood, sure to not spill the water still clutched in my hand.

Edward squinted, eyeing me carefully due to my threat.

"You wouldn't," He grumbled.

"Get up."

"Bella, be reasonable." He readjusted himself into a more comfortable position on the couch, his eyes sparkling, flaunting his resolve to remain where he was. "You know as well as I do that you wouldn't actually-"

Edward chocked off with a splutter, his entire head and face doused in water.

"What the hell, Bella?" He jumped from the couch, shaking his head, water splattering me as it flew from his bronze locks. "Are you insane?"

I shrugged, steeping back from the spray. "Well, it got you up, didn't it?"

He narrowed his eyes, glowering at me. "I am going to get you for that one."

I rolled my eyes. "How about you get some pants before you start planning your demonic revenge."

He sneered playfully at me and stalked from the room.

After doing my best to blot up the water from the couch and floor, I hurried to ready myself. No sooner had I finished brushing my teeth and raking a brush through my hair, did I hear Alice's soft knock on the door. I opened the door and hugged her petite figure tightly. Pulling back, I took Alice's hand and led her to the living room. She seated her self across from me, on the dry end of the couch, as I settled into a chair.

"Alight," I smiled at her. "Let's hear the worst."

**Alice POV**

I inhaled a deep, steadying breath and slowly opened my eyes. "Rosalie came by the shop."

Bella raised her eyebrows. "And…? Doesn't she normally?"

"She had been out with the flu for a while. When she did get back things got sort of… messed up."

Bella's mahogany eyes constricted slightly, something she did when she was trying to get a read on someone.

"Alice, what happened?"

Her compassionate tone had a wave of guilt wash over me with groundbreaking force. Tears began to pool, "I was sick and… I was just upset. It hadn't been a good day and I wasn't feeling well. I said things that I shouldn't have said, especially to Rosalie…"

"What exactly did you say to her?" Bella voice was hesitant, as though unsure if she wanted to know.

I paused, gulped and shut my eyes momentarily. Wiping away my tears, I began to rant once more.

"I said something really awful. I mean, there really is no excuse for me to say something like that to anyone, no matter how crappy I was feeling, especially to someone like Rosalie who has wanted a baby for so long. I mean, it's been a while since the miscarriage, but still, she can't just be expected to forget about it. And the fact that I said that to her… I can't believe that I-"

"Alice, what did you say?"

"I said that I hated it." I had dropped my eyes, but I didn't need to look to be able to see Bella's facial expression.

"I said, I hated being pregnant and that I wanted it all to go away."

A moment of silence ensued, broken only by my ragged breathing.

Bella cleared her throat. "Well," she stated awkwardly. "That is… bad. That's really bad."

"No shit, Sherlock," I muttered. Bella chuckled. "You know I didn't mean it, right?"

I hesitantly glance up at her. To my surprise, she doesn't look upset. A small smile spread across her lips.

"Of course, Alice. I know that you could never actually hate this." She pauses and glances back up at me. "But it doesn't really matter what I think, does it? It matters what Rosalie thinks."

I nod my agreement.

"Go over and see her; she probably wants this to be fixed just as much as you do."

"You didn't see it happen; you don't know how upset she was, the look she gave me…." I trailed off, wiping away another tear.

"But, I do know you and I know Rosalie. She loves you, Alice. You guys are like sisters. And since when are you one to run away from a problem?"

I looked up and she smiled warmly at me. I pushed myself off the couch and crossed to her, hugging her tightly. She laughed and squeezed me back, pulling me down on the arm of the chair.

"Thanks, Bells." She nodded and kissed my cheek.

"Love you, Alice. Now go fix this."

I gave one last fleeting smile over my shoulder before I dashed from the apartment, and headed to my car, filled with an overwhelming sense of optimistic, unrealistic hope.

And, as I drove through Seattle, I actually believed that one simple apology could erase past mistakes.

* * *

**Big shout out to some amazing fans: HyperPixiexoxo, ME LOVEY JAZZY (who cracks me up everytime with her witty comments), xXxGoldenFlowerxXx and BloodredEmeralds. Readers like you are the reason I love to write.**

**Now for your special treat for reading through the millions of pounds of writing I just threw at all of you. I am starting up a new thing with my story. I don't promise that I will do it for each chapter, but I will try my best. Below, I have listed some of my top songs at the time that were inspiration for the chapter. It could be anything that has a melody that makes me feel a certain way, to a song I heard on the radio that caused an idea to pop into my head. I hope that you all enjoy the songs I have listed for this chapter and the one previous to it- tell me what you think about this whole music thing!**

**  
Ch. 24**

Easy- Barenaked Ladies

Home- Barenaked Ladies

Green Eyes- Coldplay

**Ch. 25**

Breathe (2 AM) – Anna Nalick

Sound of Your Voice- Barenaked Ladies

Here Comes the Sun- The Beatles

Sweet, Sweet Smile- The Carpenters

Love Will Keep Us Alive- The Eagles

**Wow. This was a ridiculously long chapter/post. I hope that you all enjoyed it- please give me feedback about the potential rating change, the music and, of course, the story! Love you all.**

**xoxo**


	26. Remember When

**I really hope that you all enjoy this chapter. I added in a lot of background-related stuff between Alice and Rosalie. Personally, this is one of my favorite chapters to write so far. I hope that you love to read it as much as I did to write it.  
Read, enjoy, review!  
**

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**  
Alice POV**

_I peeked my head around the corner of the door, my stomach dropped. There were numerous large bags already piled onto the bed by the window, surely belonging to my unknown new roommate. Huffing my breath out I motioned for Edward to follow. He came in, grumbling, his arms laden with bags._

"_I agreed to fly with you when you came out here for school, not to be your personal bellboy." He grumbled, dropping the bags unceremoniously onto the ground._

"_Edward! Be careful with those!" I snapped, lifting one of the Coach bags off of the window bed and threw it roughly onto the bed closer to the door. "And help me clear off this bed."_

_Edward furrowed his brow. "Alice, I am pretty sure that your roommate put her bags there because that is her bed."_

_I rolled my eyes and tossed her second bag off. "_Was_ her bed. Now it is _my_ bed. I want the window view."_

_I grabbed the handle of the third and largest bag and heaved- it slipped off the bed and, having not expected it to be so heavy, came loose from my grip. The bag knocked against my legs before slamming onto my foot and to the floor with an ominous crash. I toppled over and gave a shout of pain- and then horror when I saw the large scuff it had left on my black leather boot._

"_See, Alice?" Edward groaned, lifting the heavy bag up. "That is what you get for-"_

_Edward was cut off by a clatter of heels and a screech of anger. "What are you doing to my bag?"_

_A tall, leaned and perfectly curvaceous girl stood in the doorway, hands on her hips. Her hair fell in glistening, golden curls, her violet eyes burning furiously. Dumbstruck, Edward dropped the bag once more onto my foot. I yelled out again and the blond marched forward, snatching it up and throwing it onto the window bed._

_I stood up gingerly, meeting my new roommate's ferocious glare before glancing at Edward. Sensing trouble, he quickly embraced me with one arm._

"_See you later," he muttered before hurriedly ducking out of the room._

"_What the hell were you doing with my stuff?" She snarled._

_I smiled innocently. "I was moving it off my bed. You see, I wanted the view." I nudged my way past her and, more carefully this time, lifted her bag up and placed it on the second bed. Ignoring her look of outrage, I settled my own bags onto the window bed. I unzipped the first one and began to remove my items._

"_I'm Alice, by the way," I said, smiling over my shoulder at her. Her face had remained stony and shocked. I giggled and picked up a burgundy silk top. Placing it on a hanger, I glanced at her once more._

"_You know, it would be polite to introduce yourself as well," I stated a bit sharply._

_She gave a slight shake of her head. "Says the girl who just dumped my bags off of my bed." She gave an indignant laugh. "Rosalie. Rosalie Hale."_

_I gave a genuine smile; she rolled her violet eyes in return. _

"_Look," I huffed my breath, placing one hand on my hip. "How about we compromise?"_

_She turned away from her bed to face me, her eyes narrowed. She looked me over before her eyes finally settled on the shirt and hanger still clutched In my hand._

"_You let me wear that for my date tonight and you have yourself a deal."_

_I grinned at her and tossed the fabric across. _

I turned the car around the corner, trying to focus on the road, to block out the memories that continued to flash through my head, know that, if things were not resolved, remember what had passed between us would only make it worse.

My attempts did little good.

_I shut the door of the apartment behind me and dumped my purse on the counter of our small kitchen in our petite New York flat. We had both had dates tonight, me with Mark Sterling for the first time, Rosalie with her boyfriend of over a year. I could hear the water running in the bathroom._

"_Rose? That you?" Before I could reach the bathroom, the door was slammed shut. Worried, I knocked against it lightly. When she didn't respond, I turned the handle. The door opened with a creak to reveal Rosalie. She was curled over the sink; the low back of her dress revealed a series of deep purple bruises blossoming against her spine and back. As I stared at her, I realized her shoulders where shaking with sobs._

"_Rosalie, what happened? What-"_

"_What are you doing back? I thought you had a date." Her voice was thick and nearly unintelligible- it sounded as if she was choking._

"_The guy was a dud. What happened?" I crossed forward and grabbed her arm. She yanked free from my grip and refused to face me, hiding her front entirely from sight. As she did so, I saw another bruise on her arm. _

"_Rosalie…" Nausea swooped through me as comprehension hit. "Did he…?"_

"_No! Nothing happened. Just get out of here." Her voice shook again and a splatter of blood splashed into the sink. I could feel myself beginning to shake._

"_Then why wont you let me see your face?" I asked quietly, placing a hand against her back, being sure to avoid the swelling blossoms on her pearly skin._

_Shaking violently as she did so, Rosalie turned to face me._

_The hand she had clutched across her face was coated in thick, dark blood. Her eyes were red with crying, a dark bruise nearly swallowing her left eye and brow. Tears were streaking over her swollen cheeks. She had bruises across her collarbone and upper parts of her chest. Her lower lip was split and bleeding. Her hand dropped from her face to reveal the source of the spilling blood. Her nose was broken, horribly ajar, blood dripping steadily from it._

"_Oh my God… Rosalie…"_

"_He wanted to have sex," she sobbed. "He wanted to have sex. I tried to stop him. I swear, I tried to stop him-" She fell back in to convulsions._

_Her despair jolted me into action. I snatched Rosalie's bloodied hand and stuck it under the running water, rinsing away the crimson stain. I pressed a washcloth into her other hand._

"_Cover your nose," I instructed, forcing her to hold the washcloth against the flow of blood. "And come with me." _

_Still holding her previously blood-soaked hand, I hurried us to the elevator, ignoring the horrified looks we received from the couple in the hall that lived in the apartment across from us. I dragged Rosalie with me out of the building and to the edge of the sidewalk._

"_Taxi!"_

_I herded Rosalie into the yellow cab and barked at the driver._

"_Stop staring and get us to emergency."_

_Rosalie continued to convulse and sob beside me._

"_I tried to stop him," she gasped, her voice still thick from blood. "He wouldn't stop. I swear, I tried."_

I wrenched myself out of my thoughts, turning the car once more. I battle of the memories for a few more moments, but they assuaged me eventually.

"_I don't want to have to go back home," she murmured. She was tucked into the corner of our couch, a glass of cheap wine clutched in her hand._

"_Rose, they are your family. It's Thanksgiving. You have to go back there."_

"_Didn't you see how they looked at me? After what happened with him, when I was in the hospital, when my family was out here. Did you not see the way they looked at me?"_

"_Rose…"_

"_No! I'm something worthless to them. Some filthy piece of crap. 'Oh, yes, everyone. Rosalie is coming home for Thanksgiving this year. She was going to spend it with her boyfriend, but she picked a total looser and got beat up by him. Isn't Rosalie just the greatest?'" She said in a near-perfect impression of her mother's tone._

"_I'm sure that's not true, Rosalie." I scooted across the couch closer to her, topping up both our glasses with more wine. "But, if you really wanted, you could come with my to Portland and spend Thanksgiving with my family."_

_Rosalie's eyes shot up and met mine. She leaned forward and set her glass on the table. "You mean that?" I nodded and she squealed, hugging me tightly._

I pulled up to the front of their house and cut the engine. Stop remembering, I told myself. Really, Alice, stop remembering.

_Groggily, I sat up from my slouched position on the couch. I had fallen asleep while watching _America's Next Top Model_ and had only woken up due to the overhead lights having been turned on._

_We had relocated to Portland, what with me wanting to be closer to my family and Rosalie wanting to be with Emmett. Not to mention, I had met someone of interest who lived a mere 5 minutes away from our new apartment._

_I glanced at the clock; it was almost 1 in the morning. At the end of the couch was Rosalie, her purse dangling from her fingers, a smile plastered on her face._

_I sat up straighter and rubbed the heels of my palms into my eyes. _

"_Rose, what's going on?" I grumbled, still blinking against the bright light. _

_Rosalie continued to stand, a dopey smile on her face as she stuck out her left hand. A large diamond ring sparkled there. I jumped to my feet immediately and squealed in delight, yanking Rosalie into a tight hug. She laughed and squeezed me back._

_Releasing me, Rose pulled back and looked directly in my eyes. _

"_Be my Maid of Honor?" _

_I grinned and embraced her once more._

I can do this. I thought to myself, repeating the words silently. I can do this. I can fix this. I have to fix this.

My knuckles rapped against the mahogany door loudly. I could hear Emmett's heavy footsteps approaching; my breath caught in my throat.

The door opened and I was met by the sight of Emmett's massive chest and crossed arm. I looked up into his face nervously. He raised one eyebrow expectantly when I didn't speak.

"Hey Emmett," I chocked out. It was clear that he knew what had happened; his face was glacier cold.

"Alice." He worked his jaw slightly. "What do you want?"

I dropped my eyes and began to mess my fingers together once more.

"I wanted to see Rosalie…"

"She doesn't want to talk to you." I flinched when he spoke. It took a lot to make Emmett this upset. Having grown up with him, I knew that the flat tone of his voice meant that he was furious.

"Please, Emmett, just let me talk to her. Just let me explain." Tears began to well up in my eyes; it was amazing I had any left with the amount I had cried recently.

Emmett drew and released a deep sigh and dropped his thick arms to his side. He stepped back.

"Crying is really unfair," he grumbled. He snapped the door shut behind me and led me to the living room. "When have I ever been able to be mean when you cried?"

I gave a watery smile. He rolled his eyes and nudged me to sit; I did.

"Em, I know that what happened- that what I did- was awful. "

"No kidding," he muttered.

"I never meant to hurt her. There isn't a good excuse for what I did. I know that. But I was tired and sick and…"

"And tired of being sick," Emmett finished. He gave me a rueful smile.

I nodded. "I didn't mean it. Emmett. Please know that I _love_ this baby and I do love being pregnant. It has been…" I struggled for the words to describe it. "It has been the hardest thing I have ever done. But amazing. And I love it. I just didn't love everything that came along with it right then. And with Rosalie having that one miscarriage, I know that this is hard on her… and that what I did was repulsive. No sister or friend should ever do what I did."

"The thing is, Allie, it's not just that one miscarriage still bothering her. It is everything. She may have not met her child, but she loved him… or her. Whichever it may have been. We have tried for so long to have a child, all these years. She never told me, exactly, but I can tell that she feels guilty. When it happened again… It isn't something that just disappears, Alice."

"What?" My brain felt sluggish, as if I was missing some piece to the puzzle. "What are you talking about?"

As my eyes bored into his, Emmett's face blanched. When he spoke, it was a horse whisper. "She didn't tell you…"

We could hear footsteps working their way slowly down the stairs.

"Tell me _what_? Emmett, what-"

My voiced caught in my throat and faltered- Rosalie had entered the room. She was wearing a pair of old jeans and one of Emmett's t-shirts. She was clutching a thick, burgundy blanket around herself and looked like she was shivering slightly. She had clearly heard the discussion Emmett and I had been having; her face was a sickly white, her blue-violet eyes disturbed.

"Rosalie, I…" I stood quickly and crossed to her, taking her hand in mine. When she didn't pull back, I gave a small smile.

"Come on," She murmured, giving a nod of her head towards the bedroom. I glanced at Emmett. He was apprehensive but nodded for me to go.

I followed her up the stairs, into the master suite. Rosalie clambered onto the bed and crossed her legs, settling in. I followed hesitantly but remained standing. She glanced at me and raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"Nothing I say can erase what I said before and I know that. But Rosalie, I didn't mean what I said. It was horrible and inconsiderate and," my voice caught slightly, remembering Emmett's reference. "And I should have controlled myself better. "

Nervously, I seated myself on the edge of the bed and faced Rosalie.

She took a deep breath before raising her eyes to meet mine.

"Eight weeks before Christmas, I woke up, got out of bed and was sick. I don't think I have ever been happier to vomit in my entire life. I was already late- this confirmed everything that I had been hoping for. I didn't want to tell anyone, just in case something went wrong, like it had before."

Rosalie gave a sad smile, her eyes filling with tears. I wriggled across the bedspread to her and placed my hand over hers. She sniffled slightly and brushed away the tears before continuing. Her voice was thick when she did begin to speak.

"For eight whole weeks, it was complete magic. Eight weeks of dreaming about cribs and painting the nursery room and buying little socks and shoes and pajamas. Thinking about first laughs, first words, first steps. For eight weeks, Emmett and I were brimming with happiness. I could look at you, pregnant, and not be jealous or upset or anything except completely thrilled and thankful that I would have someone to share this with. Emmett bought some parenting book and started reading it like the Bible, night and day."

I chuckled slightly at the image of Emmett reading a chapter about changing diapers. Rosalie seemed to understand my reaction and gave a small smile in return.

"And then, on Christmas morning, I woke up feeling… bad. Really bad. My head was all foggy and my stomach was cramping like you wouldn't believe. By that afternoon, it was official. I had lost another baby."

Tears began to well up in her eyes as well as mine.

"Rosalie… I am so sorry. I- That's horrible," I was crying along with her. I pulled her tightly against me, locking my arms securely behind her back. She returned the embrace, sobbing into my shoulder, quaking with her outpouring of emotion.

"I never meant to snap on you like that," she croaked out. "It was all just so fresh in my mind. I know it's hard to be pregnant, I do. It's just, I had fought for so long to have a baby and to hear you say you didn't want any of it, I just snapped. Alice, I am so sorry. I really am and I-"

I cut across her rambling, pushing her back so I could see her face.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. It was me. It was all me. All I can do is hope and beg that you forgive me. Because, Rosalie, I really am sorry. And I would hate to ever lose you."

Rosalie fell back into me, hugging me tightly. "Of course, Allie. You are a sister to me. You're my best friend. You wont ever lose me, I swear."

I squeezed her tightly, silently thanking whatever benevolent force that had saved me, Rosalie, and the blessed friendship we held.

Once we had settled our tears and suffered through Emmett's heckling about girls being overemotional, I glanced at Rosalie.

"There was something else I wanted to talk to you about."

She raised her eyebrows as a signal for me to continue.

"Jasper wants to get married before the baby comes, just legally. We are going to have the ceremony afterwards. But I was wondering, since you are my Maid of Honor, if you wanted to be there when it happens. When we get the papers signed and all."

Rosalie stared, wide-eyed at me for a moment, before blinking rapidly. I noticed that her eyes were once more a bit damp.

"I'm your Maid of Honor?" She said softly.

"Of course, Rosalie. You have put up with me for so long; you truly are a sister to me."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," she chirped sweetly, her eyes brimming, for once, with tears of happiness.

* * *

**Well? What did you think? As previously promised, here a few songs that I chose to match this chapter (Or just songs that I am currently in love with). Enjoy, my lovelies, and shoot me a review! **

**Chapter Songs:  
**  
Breathless- Taylor Swift

Meet Virginia- Train

Bless the Broken Road- Rascal Flatts

Tell Me Why- Taylor Swift

**I hope that your lives may be peaceful, healthy, calm and full of love. Never take even the smallest moment for granted. Those are the ones that matter most.**

**xoxo**


	27. Distaste and Soap Bubbles

**Let's be honest - it has been far too long since my last post. If it makes you feel any better, I have missed posting terribly... plus this chapter is almost a full 14 pages long. My pride and joy of this story. I love it. A lot a lot a lot. I hope you do to! Read on, and please review!  
**

* * *

**Jasper POV**

"So, you really want to get married?"

Alice's hand was dipped lightly against mine, our fingers brushing as they rested on the cloth-covered table.

I laughed lightly and smiled.

"No, Alice," I stated sarcastically. "I was completely high at the time – absolutely strung out. I had no clue what I was saying."

She rolled her eyes and briefly stuck out her tongue.

"Now, now, missy. Let's use our nice manners. You wouldn't want the employees to kick us out of the restaurant, now would you?"

She laughed and stuck her tongue out again, removing her hand from mine to lift her water glass to her lips. After taking a small sip she glanced her eyes up at me.

"I'm serious, Jasper. Do you honestly want to get married before… well, before the baby comes?"

Noting the sincerity in her voice, I smiled. "Of course, love."

"And you aren't…" She cut off, clearly regretting starting the sentence she had just began.

"Aren't what?"

"Nothing, Never mind." She dropped her eyes from mine and took another sip of water.

"Alice…" My voice was stern, but loving.

She rolled her eyes and wavered a glance at me.

"Fine," she huffed. "I just want to make sure of something. You aren't just doing this… marrying me, I mean… because I am… you know… pregnant."

She set down her glass; I took hold of her hand immediately.

"Alice Cullen, I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. I am marrying you because you are my life, my very existence. You are everything to me and I want to be with you forever."

Alice smiled and kept her eyes locked steadily on mine.

"I would have married you, one way or another. We were already engaged before any of this came about; don't forget that. I just want the legal aspects to happen sooner rather than later so our child can come into a better environment- a real family. Never doubt that I love you, Alice. Not for a single minute."

Alice blushed slightly and ducked her head, hiding the smile that had danced across her lips. I grinned and traced my thumb over the ring on her left hand, before pulling my hand away from hers. Slowly, the knowledge of what I needed to speak to Alice about tugging at my mind, I let out a sigh.

Alice furrowed her brow.

"What?" She asked, eyes bright with curiosity.

I sighed again, suddenly nervous. I inhaled deeply, squashing down my anxiety, before I half-smiled across the table.

"Alice," I started, my voice rough. I cleared my throat and began again. "Alice, there is something I wanted to talk to you about… well, I suppose 'suggest' would be a better word."

Alice raised her eyebrows and smiled expectantly.

"I just thought that, well, we should go to Texas for a little while."

"To visit your parents?" She sounded surprised, but not all-together upset. Alice and my mother did not have the best track record: My mother was not a particular fan of me marrying an "urban girl," as she had put it. That and Alice's exuberant personality, and undeniable tendency to be stubborn when not getting her way, had caused my mother to find her less than charming.

Alice's features clouded with worry for a moment before she shrugged. Placing a perfectly formulated smile on her lips, Alice met my eyes.

"I sort of figured this would happen eventually. I mean, they would want to probably see us, now that I am their daughter-to-be and the mother of their soon-to-be grandchild."

I gulped slightly at the last part of Alice's sentence; I would explain that part to her later. Right now, I knew I had to count myself lucky in her reaction, and roll with how this was going. No need to worry Alice about what my parents knew- or didn't know, as the case may be.

I smiled at her softly. "Really? You're alright with going, then?"

She gave a dazzling smile. "Of course, Jazz. They are your parents and, in not too long, I am going to be a part of that family. It makes total sense. In fact, I am kind of surprised that you didn't ask about this sooner."

Relief washed over me; at least one half of this equation wasn't thoroughly pissed off by the entire situation. My mother, on the other hand, was horrified. And she didn't even know the worst of it, yet.

I smothered my qualms and smiled back as Alice, taking her hand in mine once more.

"You never cease to amaze me," I said, smiling. She returned my grin with a wink, and raised her water glass in her free hand.

"To Texas!" She said, laughing as she clinked her glass against mine.

**Bella POV**

"I swear to God, Edward, if you don't at least _pretend_ to help clean the kitchen, I am going to feed you to the wolves," I grumbled loudly.

Edward poked his head around the corner.

"The wolves? It's your parents coming for dinner and staying a few days. Charlie is a cop, but I don't think that really qualifies him as horribly dangerous. And since when is Renee going to be worried about the state of our kitchen counters?"

I shot him a scathing look as I scrubbed the sponge across the tile.

"Look," I said testily, deserting the sponge on the counter and turning to face Edward. "My parents have seen our place before, but they have never actually stayed here with us. I want to make a good impression and they are going to be here any minute."

"A good impression? Bella, you are their daughter. I think that the impression has already been made. If they don't like you by now, I don't think that having a spotless apartment is going to do much to help."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Real mature, Bells," he laughed. I glowered and turned back to the sink; one side was filled with soapy water and dishes. Ignoring Edward's chuckle, and giving up on getting the lazy ass to do anything at all to help, I picked up a plate from the soapy water and began to scrub, scowling all the while.

Edward crossed the floor towards me; his arms wrapped around my waist as his head bent to give his lips access to my neck. I did my best to ignore him, an illusion that was somewhat ruined by the rush of blood to my cheeks and an unsteady gasp of air.

"You aren't mad, love," he murmured, his lips still brushing the side of my throat. I ignored him. "Are you?"

Knowing that if I spoke, I would betray the true emotion that was building in me, I resorted to action. With a sigh, I let the plate slip back into the soapy water and turned myself around to face Edward, his arms still wrapped around me tightly. In one hand, I still clutched the soap-covered sponge.

"Edward…" I sighed. He grinned, believing that he had won. With a coy smile, I drew my lips tantalizingly close to his, brushing them softly against his before pulling away. He cracked a crooked grin. It took all my effort to suppress my own grin as I began to speak.

"You know, Edward, there is something I would like to do." He raised an eyebrow expectantly. "In return for all of your… hard work."

He chuckled for a moment, unsure of what I was talking about until I reached my free hand back. I flung the sponge into his face; it sent a show of soap splattering across his hair, face and chest, combined with the great puff of bubbles I had scooped from the sink and blown at him.

"Bella!" He coughed, spitting some of the offending soap from his mouth. I laughed.

"See? You should have just washed the dishes like I had asked." Still laughing, I turned back to the sink and picked up the plate I had previously been scrubbing. I could still feel Edward standing behind me, but thought little of it until I felt a great smear of bubbles be mashed onto my hair. I screeched and retaliated quickly.

He and I were soon coated in bubbles from the sink and, as he began to advance once more towards me, I grabbed the nozzle of the sink. I yanked it forwards - it was the type that extended – and pointed it threateningly at Edward. His eyes narrowed and he lunged, a handful of bubbles coming straight for my face. I turned the water on and it splashed into him, dousing his face and soaking the floor. He let out a gasping laugh before beginning to wrestle the nozzle from me. By refusing to surrender, I was letting the kitchen I had worked so hard on fall to pieces around me; it was now either drenched in water or coated in frothy soap. The water sprayed into the two of us until Edward was able to yank it from my grip, turn it off and pull me off my feet.

He flung me, rather unceremoniously, over his shoulder. I felt like some sort of Damsel in Distress as I screeched at him, slapping his back as he walked. Carrying me into the bathroom, Edward dumped me into the shower, blasting on the water and jumping in after me.

"Looks like someone could use some rinsing off," he chuckled.

The heated water, mixed with our euphoria and minor amounts of insanity, led to us intertwining in the hot water, my limbs wrapping around him as he pressed my back against the tile wall. My fingers knotted in his soaking hair as he traced over the lines of my body through my soaked clothing, his movements becoming stronger and more reckless as we kissed,

His fingers had just dipped under the hem of my soaked cotton shirt when I heard, to my utter horror, the front door of the apartment swing open.

"Bella?" My mother called into the house.

A moment of stillness ensued between Edward and myself; I didn't know whether to be horrified or deeply amused. I cut the water to the shower and, without really taking time to think, pulled Edward out of the shower with myself.

"Bella? Edward?" It was Charlie's voice this time. As our footsteps were heard, Renee started to explain that the door had been unlocked so they came right in. She cut off midsentence as Edward and I entered the entrance hall. My mother's mouth was in a perfect, comical "O;" Charlie looked highly uncomfortable and disconcerted.

I gave a nervous chuckle. "Um… Hi Mom. Hi Dad."

This was going to be some visit.

**Alice POV**

"Alice, please calm down," Jasper murmured to me as we left the terminal, hand-in-hand, each of us dragging one suitcase with out free hand.

I glanced at him. "How did you know I was nervous?" I hadn't said anything to allude to my foreboding feeling of dread that had built sense Jasper had proposed the trip. I had the worst feeling that something was going to go disastrously wrong while we were in Texas.

He shrugged. "You just seem antsy."

I smiled. "I'm fine, Jazz. Really." I don't think he believed me. In an attempt to change the subject, I pointed ahead at a couple peering over the crowd in our general direction.

"Isn't that them?"

Jasper peered forward for a moment before grinning and nodding.

"Come on," he said and tugged me forward. I almost had to break into a jog to keep up with his long strides. Despite his parents' distaste for me, I could tell that Jasper was excited to see them. It had been almost 2 years since he had last flown in to Texas.

The couple broke forward towards us; the shorter, softer women bustling forward and wrapping her arms tightly around her son. Her hair, a fading blond, light streaks of gold and gray sparkling in it, was pulled back into a bun. She came up to Jasper's chest – not all that taller than myself. Despite her rounded body and the light wrinkles that traced the planes of her face, she looked strong – she had a square jaw and a nose identical to her son's; she carried herself with perfectly erect posture, chin held in a slightly haughty way as she walked.

Jasper's father, on the other hand, was an exact mirror of an aged Jasper. Tall and leonine, he towered over his wife and me. His hair, once blond, had faded to a salt-and-pepper gray, still falling in the same soft curls as Jasper's did.

Feeling somewhat awkward and out of place as Jasper's mother held him at arms length, inspecting him, I fiddled with my fingers for a moment. Somewhat nervously, but hoping to break to ice, I glanced up at Jasper's father and smiled.

"Hello, Mr. Whitlock," I said in the best impression of a comfortable voice. "It's great to see you again."

He nodded his head a smiled – it was Jasper's smile, down to the twinkle in his blue eyes – and I gave a genuine grin back.

Placing one large hand on my shoulder, he looked at me, his eyes softening. "It's nice to have you back here, Alice. And please, honey, call me Richard."

I grinned up at him. Maybe this trip would be so bad after all.

**Jasper POV**

"We have missed you so much, Jasper," My mother crooned as she passed, dipping her hand against my curls, which shone almost silver in the evening light. I let out a sigh as I noticed, once again, my mother's deliberate exclusion of Alice from any sort of kind comment made.

"And it's great to have you here too, Alice," My father chipped in. I gave him an appreciative nod when my mother wasn't looking. All the same, I could feel the distaste pouring from my mother, even when her back was facing me.

"It really has been too long," she said, turning back to where Alice and I were seated. For the first time since we had arrived, my mother locked eyes with Alice; I could feel her squirm next to me. I pulled her elfin figure close to mine, interlocking our fingers.

My mother continued. "I suppose that when you are living in the big city, you start to forget where you came from."

Alice squirmed again. "We live in Portland, Mrs. Whitlock," she stated politely. "It's not exactly what I would call 'a big city.'" I noticed a slight edge in Alice's voice, and kissed the top of her head lightly, trying to settle her.

"Well, if it's not the city, then I suppose it must be the people you are spending your time with, Jasper." Although my mother was addressing me, her eyes never left Alice's.

"Denise…" My father murmured behind her. She shot him a harsh look and he returned to tending to the meat that was on the grill.

My mother's eyes darted to the ring on Alice's hand for a moment, then back to her chestnut eyes.

"You should think about that, Jasper. I wouldn't want you stuck in with the wrong sort of person."

Alice inhaled sharply, eyes filling with tears. Her expression was that of someone who had just been slapped. Slipping her fingers quickly from my grasp, Alice stood quickly. I half-expected her to dump the contents of her water glass over my mother's simpering face. Instead, with a palpable of forced control, Alice turned to my father.

"I'm really sorry, Richard," she began, ignoring the glare my mother was still holding. "I really appreciate you making us dinner. I'm just not that hungry."

My father gave an understanding smile and a nod of the head, earning himself a second glare from my mother. I let out an exasperated sigh as I watched Alice retreat from the back yard. The screen door shut with a loud slam behind her.

"Looks like she has a nasty temper as well," my mother stated loudly.

"For God's Sake, Mom, can't you lay off?" I retorted.

"I hardly think it is necessary for you to use that sort of tone with me," she snapped back.

"And I don't think its necessary for you to continually try to make my fiancée cry. What the hell do you have against her, anyway?"

"She is all wrong for you! Just look at her – some big-city girl, who flounces around in designer dresses and stilettos. Some girl who-"

"She was wearing boots today!" It was a lame comeback, but, when it came to my mother, I had to take what I could get.

"Like it matters! Just look at her, Jasper! Some little fluff of a girl, with spiky hair an a ghastly attitude."

"Sure, Mom, lets have you sit here and take a continual stream of critique and see how you take it. I'll bet you will be the epitome of charming," I stated sarcastically.

"I doubt there is one thing about that girl that isn't fake. She is so prim and proper – I bet she would scream her little lungs out if she woke up in the morning with a mosquito bite! I just do _not _understand it, Jasper! She isn't your type! You deserve so much better than that!" She gave a flippant motion towards the door that Alice had passed through.

Before I knew it, I was on my feet, shaking with frustration and rage. My father stood by the grill, head ducked, apparently doing his best to not be noticed.

"Not my type, Mother? What the hell does that even mean? I love her! Last time I checked, that constitutes her as being the definition of _my type_!"

"She doesn't deserve you, Jasper!"

"Like hell! She loves me and I love her! Isn't that enough? What more do you _want,_ Mother?" I was yelling, my voice filling the air around us – I am sure that the neighbors must have been thrilled to know that I had returned home. "And fine, you are right! She doesn't deserve _this_." I gave a sweeping motion with my hands to indicate the space around us. "She deserves better than this! She deserves something better than a crappy mother-in-law who seems to have the life purpose of making her miserable!"

"A girl like that can never give you what you want, Jasper. Someone like her can never make a good wife – a good mother!"

A pang shot through me at that, as I suddenly remembered what I had not yet told my parents about: Alice's pregnancy.

"Don't you say what she can and can't be, Mother! She is going to be a damn good mom! She and I are getting married and we are going to have a child- you are just going to have to get used to that! And look at what you are doing! Telling your son to leave the woman he loves; does that really put you in the position to talk about who is or isn't being a good parent?"

My mother reeled back, struck by my words. I pressure filled silence ensued for a few minutes.

"A child?" I heard my father murmur behind me; I knew he had understood the meaning of my words, even if my mother hadn't.

"Well," she murmured icily. "If I am such a _horrible _parent, why did you even bother coming? Why don't you just head back to Portland with your little tramp of a girlfriend?"

I threw my hands in to the air angrily and, with a yell of frustration and fury, turned away from my mother. She stayed still for a few moments as I stood, fuming, before she turned and walked to the house. The door slammed shut for the second time tonight.

**Alice POV**

"_Why don't you just head back to Portland with your little tramp of a girlfriend?"_

The words cut through me like ice – I was truly hated here. Richard seemed to like me, but the woman who would soon be my mother-in-law seemed to rather have me eight feet under as opposed to married to her son. My sight blurred with tears as I sank on to the bed I shared in Jasper's room. I willed the salty water to not spill over; it did little good. Leaning across the bed, I shut the window that had allowed me to hear the fight below. All had gone silent anyway; there was no use in risking the entrance of the notoriously large mosquitoes that swarmed at this time of the year.

Releasing a sigh and conforming to my tears, I flipped onto my front, letting my tear-soaked cheeks press into the pillows. Minutes passed before I heard the door creak open. I didn't bother to move as Jasper entered the room and seated himself on the bed beside me, his long fingers tracing random patterns across my back.

Finally, once the tears had slowed and once I had regained the ability to speak with a steady voice, I turned myself over so I could see Jasper's face. His eyes were thick with regret, sorrow and pain. An apology was on the edge of his lips when I cut across.

"How can she do that? It's not like this is just some fling between us, Jazz. I mean, I love you. I really love you. Can't she see that?"

He sighed, his eyes locking with mine for a moment as he thought. "I suppose not, Alice. My mother isn't like you or me – or any of your family, for that matter. We are more… contemporary than her. She doesn't truly understand how someone who lived a life so different than mine could have turned out to be… well, to be completely perfect for me. Don't let her make you forget that, Allie. You are perfect, and I love you. Forever."

I gave a small smile, but pressed on with my previous questions. "Even so, even if she did think I was wrong for you, couldn't she have let that go for the sake of the baby? I am carrying your son or daughter. You would think that, no matter what she thought of me, she would love her grandchild."

Jasper's eyes dropped and he swallowed, his throat bobbing up and down. I furrowed my brow in consternation.

"Jasper, what is it?"

He studied my features for a moment and clasped my hand in his. Inhaling deeply, he met my eyes solemnly.

"Alice… Don't be mad, alright?"

I perked one eyebrow and sat up. "What did you do?"

"Promise me that you aren't going to be mad." He resembled a schoolboy caught dipping a girl's pigtail in ink – guilty.

"Jazz…"

"Alright," He grumbled, dropping his eyes. "My parents don't exactly know about the pregnancy."

I sat, silently letting the emotion build, as I stared incredulously at him. When I spoke, it was a livid hiss.

"_What_ did you just say?"

He repeated himself; I pulled my hand out from his and he withdrew guiltily.

"And do you have any particular _reason_ for not letting your parents know that you knocked me up?" I was practically snarling.

He flubbed for a moment; I got to my feet angrily. He followed suit, keep his eyes locked on his feet.

"I mean, Jasper, really! Use your head! Why the hell didn't you say anything to them before hand? Or at least tell me! I can't believe that you-"

"Alice, it's not that I didn't want to tell them. It's just-"

His words cut off as my hand slapped against his cheek, leaving a bright red splash of color across his cheek. Ignoring his shocked look and stammered apology, I wheeled around and stalked from the room. The sound of the door slamming behind me as I yanked it shut was oddly satisfying.

All the same, tears stung my eyes, blurring my vision as my feet pounded down the stairs. I spotted Denise at the bottom of the stairs; her face was livid and cold, hardening even further when she caught sight of me. My breath caught in my throat and I hurried past, marching to the front of the house, out the door and across the front yard. Blindly, without any sort of conscious thought as to where I was going, I began to walk. All I knew was that I had to get away from there, the place where I was so openly hated.

I continued along the dark, deserted road, feeling a mixture of intense pain and rejection flooded with a seething anger. I continued to make my way slowly across the dirt on the side of the road, sucking in the thick, humid air, on hand pressed against my stomach. Time trickled by as I plodded down the road, only the small fireflies keeping me company as I walked. I was just beginning to calm when the road was filled with a sudden burst of light from behind me. I wheeled around, my vision entirely blocked by the glare of the headlights. Automatically, my mind was filled with the horrifying stories of girls-gone-missing from small towns, only to be found raped and dead in some backwoods cabin. My heart was quickly gaining speed until the lights dimmed and I was able to make out the approaching vehicle.

The Whitlock's' truck. I exhaled in relief as the Ford approached me, pulling off the paved road onto the dust in front of me. I approached it and looked in; Richard was smiling at me from the driver's seat. I rested my elbows on the open window.

"Hey," I murmured.

He gave me an understanding smile, leaned across the seats and opened the door. I stepped back to let it swing open and climbed in. Richard smiled again, appraising me warmly. Silently, he brushed the tears that remain from my cheeks.

"You alright, Alice?" He asked softly. I nodded.

"I want to show you something. Did Jasper ever take you down to the river?"

I shook my head silently. He chuckled and shifted the truck in to drive, the wheels crunching across the dust beneath them until we reached the pavement.

We didn't speak as he drove; the only sound was that of the engine, of the crickets outside, of the thick Texas air. The minutes passed comfortably – Richard had the same talent as his son to be exceedingly comfortable, and comforting, even without speaking.

Finally, we seemed to reach our destination. He pulled off the paved road and onto the dirt, sending up a slight cloud of dust. He cut the engine and got out, coming around to hold my door open.

I gave a smile as I looked around. He motioned for me to follow him; I did. We walked through a small thicket of trees and brush before entering a clearing. It was beautiful.

A creek babbled before me, shimmering as it ran. The moonlight was sending shafts of silver through the trees to dance across the ground and water. Crickets and frogs provided a natural beat, mixing with the creek's gurgle to build a melody. Smiling, and with a side-glance towards Richard, I lowered myself to the ground and crossed my legs. I shut my eyes, breathing and absorbing my surroundings for a moment. I felt Richard sit beside me.

When I opened my eyes, he began to speak.

"I am truly sorry about Denise. I know that she is very hard on you. She wants what's best for Jasper."

"But Jasper and I love each other. Doesn't that make it the best situation? How can she ask for anything more than her son being happy? Because he is. We both are."

Richard sighed and brushed a lock of hair off of his forehead. "Did Jasper ever tell you that he had a brother?"

I paused for a moment, surprised, before shaking my head.

"I figured," Richard said, nodding slowly. "He doesn't enjoy talking about it."

"What…?" I swallowed. "What happened?"

"When Denise and I got married, we had a child not long after. It was a baby boy named Jasper." He smiled at me. "I suppose he isn't such a baby anymore."

I giggled before looking back at Richard, waiting for him to continue.

"Jasper's brother came less than 3 years after that. His name was Christopher and, I will tell you, he was an amazing child. Very sweet, but witty. Intelligent."

Richard smiled; it was Jasper's smile. But then his face twisted, the smile disappearing, pain clouding the sparkle in his eyes.

"Jasper was almost twelve and Christopher was nine. The two had always played around and wrestled, but we noticed that Chris was getting marked up – he was bruised from the playing. At first we thought that Jasper was being to rough with him or that he was being bullied at school. But after talking to the principle and keeping an eye on the boys' play, we realized that nothing was wrong with how Chris was being treated. Eventually, we went to the doctor's."

Richard swallowed as I shifted nervously on the grass. He met my eyes with his.

"Christopher was diagnosed with Leukemia. We did everything we could. The doctors really did try. There was the bone marrow transplant. Jasper donated his marrow for it. He was a close match and insisted that he wanted to do it. When Christopher's body rejected the bone marrow, it destroyed him. His body began to attack itself and, no matter how many immunosuppressants he was on, it was only a matter of time before he passed. It was hard for Jasper… Nearly as hard for him as it was for Denise and myself. Maybe even worse. He was convinced that it was his fault, seeing as it was his marrow. He was sure that he had done something wrong and had, therefore, unintentionally murdered his brother."

Tears were dripping silently across my cheeks. I saw one slip from Richard's eye and down his nose.

"I…" I stammered, unsure as to what I should say. "I am so sorry."

Richard brushed off his tears and gave a small smile.

"Thank you, Alice." He paused, thinking. "That is really why Denise is like she is. She lost Christopher – he and Jasper were her world. Ever since then, she has been terrified of loosing Jasper and she has held on to him for as long as possible. I am not positive, but I think that she has very few personal issues against you."

I snorted a laugh.

"I am serious," Richard stated. "I think she would be like this, no matter who Jasper brought home. She just doesn't want to lose him."

I let his words settle in the air before speaking again.

"There is something I have to tell you." I shifted nervously and cleared my throat. "Richard… I am pregnant."

He grinned and laughed. "Well, of course you are."

I raised my eyebrows and laughed, surprised by his reaction. "What?"

"Jasper has extremely protective of you since you arrived. He refuses to let you be more than an arms length away, much less out of sight. Plus you are wearing a pretty flowing top. And you said no to the wine earlier. Plus, Jasper sort of let it slip earlier No offense towards you, but being secretive is not your fortee."

I laughed. "None taken. Does your wife know?"

He sighed. "In some part of her mind, yes. But I don't think she wants to believe it. It makes it more final, more real, for her."

I nodded slowly. Richard slapped his hand to his knees and stood.

"Come on, Alice. Let's get you home."

I smiled, stood and, walking through the comfortable stillness, made my way back to the truck with Richard.  


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**I hope you loved this chapter as much as I do, and that you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Shoot me a line, my lovelies!**

P.S. I only have one song for all of you: Gypsy by Shakira. It's amazing, beautiful and overall fantastic. Go listen. 

**xoxo**


	28. Confessional

**I should have gotten this out sooner- it's been sitting on my computer, fully written, waiting to be shipped off to my Beta for about a week and a half. I don't truly have a good excuse for being so slow, other than that a family member recently passed away and I have been incredibly busy. There has been a lot to deal with and, every time I sat down to work, it gave me an opportunity to think. For a while, thinking is exactly what I was trying to avoid. Avoiding thinking made it easier to forget... so I shied away from any sort of down time of just me, myself and I. I didn't want to have to put up with it. Eventually, I realized that doing that wouldn't help anything. I had to go ahead and work through it. Putting out this chapter feels good. Really good. So, a huge thank you to all who read. You all are saving me right now. Love you all for it, and enjoy.**

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**Bella POV**

Dressed in dry clothes, I retreated to the kitchen hoping to escape the disgruntled glances and grumbles coming from my father. I opened the cabinet under our sink and pulled out a thick stack of rags and I began to wipe down the counters, before I heard footsteps after a few moments of silence had passed. With a glance over my shoulder, I saw it was my mother.

She came forward, lifted a rag from the pile and began to work beside me. We worked in tandem as the minutes passed. Eventually, with a sigh, she set down the sopping rag and I knew that the lecture was about to begin. Dropping my own rag, I rubbed my damp hands against the thighs of my jeans before fingering the diamond ring that currently resided in my pocket. Edward and I were planning on breaking the news to my parents while they were here.

I was expecting Renee to begin telling me that it was inappropriate for Edward and I to behave as we did outside of wedlock, so I was surprised by the words that came out.

"Jacob came by the other day." She twisted her fingers together momentarily. I knew she had more to say so I waited patiently for her to continue.

"He mentioned you."

I felt my heart increase its tempo slightly. I cleared my throat.

"Yeah?" I said, trying to avoid my mother's eyes as I picked up a new rag and began to work again.

"He said that you had spent some time with him recently. Is that true?"

I nodded silently.

"Why were you in Forks? And why didn't you come by to see us?"

I had a feeling that my mother knew more than she was letting on; her questions were too carefully worded, too cautiously asked.

"I just wanted to take some time away from Portland. I… I was going to visit, but then Edward got into the accident…"

I trailed off as I realized my mistake. I had been almost completely MIA with my parents since my hell-time of being without Edward. The accident… Damn it! How could I have let that slip?

"Accident?" My mother's voice was sharp. "So Jacob _was _right."

"Yeah, Edward got into an accident on his way to… on his way to Forks. We wanted to surprise you. I headed down early and decided to stop by Jacob's."

I knew she didn't believe my lie; even I wouldn't have believed it. She lifted one eyebrow skeptically and pressed on with her interrogation.

"All right, Bella, what is going on? We barely heard from you for weeks, then, out of the blue, you decide that we should stay with you for a while. You go to Forks without seeing us, Edward got in an accident that you never told us about… What is happening with you? I feel like I hardly know you anymore."

I reminded myself to breath and let out a gust of air that I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I could tell that my lies weren't going to get me out of this one. I had to tell her. It was better to hear it from me, rather than from Jacob later… the little snitch. He was going to have hell to pay when I saw him next.

"Ok, Mom, I'll explain… everything. Just stay calm and try not to judge… any of us… too badly, all right?"

Renee's forehead creased but she nodded.

"Ok," I said again and inhaled deeply. "So, Alice and Jasper were engaged and – "

"I thought this was supposed to be about you," She cut across. I sighed.

"It is, but it has some back story. Just let me get through it, and then you can ask all the questions you want," I told her. Silently, I prayed that she wouldn't have too many.

"Anyway, they were engaged and Alice found out that she was pregnant. Jasper was… well, he was a total idiot and freaked out. Alice freaked out in return and it turned into this whole big thing. Alice ended up staying here and she called off the wedding. I helped them get back together, which pissed Edward off because he was mad at Jazz for being so stupid. So Edward and I got into a fight and I ended up walking off. I went over to this café that we used to hang out at. I got to thinking about how, since I met Edward, he and I…" I trailed off and willed myself to not let any outpouring of emotion occur. On the other hand, it might have been useful, it would have stopped Renee from getting too worked up.

"He and I hadn't gone anywhere and I… I don't know. Everything was so complicated and I was upset. I wasn't thinking and I started to work against myself. Before I knew what I was doing, I was in my car, driving to Jacob's. And Edward wasn't there."

I had dropped my eyes, but my mom saw the waterworks starting nonetheless. She stepped forward, her feet squelching as they pulled up from the wet tile. Silently, Renee encompassed me in her arms, holding me until I was able to control myself. I finished the story quickly, carefully editing around the fact that we were now engaged. It may have been truth time, but I figured that I could hold out on that piece of information until a better moment.

Finally, my mother spoke.

"So, Edward got into an accident and everything went back to normal?"

I nodded and snuffled a little. "Yeah, I guess so."

"So nothing has changed? I thought you said that you were upset about him not proposing. Did you just let it go when things blew up?"

I hesitated and released a sigh. Inwardly cringing, I took my mom's hand in mine and started to pull her to the living room.

"Dad should hear this, too," I said in answer to her questioning look. I could tell she knew what I was going to say.

I dropped her hand as we reached the living room. Charlie cut off in the middle of what seemed to be a rather heated lecture when he spotted me. Edward was seated on the couch, looking slightly uncomfortable. He extended his hand towards me. I crossed the room to him, interlocked our fingers and seated myself beside him. Charlie, noticing Renee's pointed look, seated himself stiffly in the chair across from us.

I took a deep breath, feeling suddenly nervous. Edward squeezed my hand before I pulled it away from him and slipped my fingers into my pocket and wriggled the ring free from the denim confines of my jeans. I could feel my parents' eyes lock it.

"Mom… Dad…" I started. I was unsure as to where to go from there. Edward took the ring from my palm and clutched it tightly, wrapping one arm around my shoulders.

"Charlie, Renee, I want you both to know that I love your daughter, with every fiber of my being. This has not always been simple, smooth or perfect, but I have never, for a moment, forgotten my love for Bella. I would not want to live in a world where she doesn't exist and I hope to be with her for as long as I live.

"That is why I asked her to marry me."

As if Charlie hadn't known what was coming, his face flooded with anger. I gulped.

"And I said yes," I murmured.

Extricating his arm from around my shoulders, Edward lifted my left hand and slipped the shimmering, diamond-encrusted ring into its place, where I hoped it would stay for all eternity.

**Alice POV**

"You alright, Alice?"

I could feel Richard's eyes on me. I nodded silently. He chuckled.

"Don't worry. If I hear you screaming in agony, I promise to call the police."

I snorted. We lapsed into silence.

"Come in when you're ready, "Richard murmured, then left the cab of the truck.

I flopped back into my seat, trying to figure out the correct words to use. I mean, really! What am I supposed to say to a crazy, evil mother-in-law who despises my existence?

Figuring that waiting would only make it more terrifying, and proving to be unable to plan any appropriate words, I cracked the door of the truck open. A small puff of dust pulsed around my boots as I jumped from the cab. Dragging my feet, I pulled myself towards the house. I took each step up the porch slowly in hopes of delaying my "moment of truth" with Denise.

The front door creaked as I opened it. I made my way to the master bedroom. Richard met my eyes as I passed him; he smiled and gave a small nod. I attempted a smile in return; it turned out to be more of a grimace.

I paused in front of the mahogany door then tapped my knuckles against it lightly.

"Mrs. Whitlock," I called. I was greeted by silence so I tried again, knocking a bit harder this time. "Mrs. Whitlock, may I please come in?"

The door snapped open and I jumped in surprise. I quickly composed my features and smiled.

"What do you want?" The cold tone of her voice didn't match the sweet melody of her southern drawl.

"I was hoping I could talk to you."

Denise stood, scrutinizing my features. With a huff, she stood back and allowed me in. I entered, swinging my hands back and forth nervously. Denise followed me back into the room. She crossed to her dresser, fingering the frame of a picture resting on the worn wood. She stood silently, her back to me, waiting for me to begin.

I cleared my throat. "I… I know that you hate me and all, but… but the thing is… I love him, Mrs. Whitlock. I know that you think I am not 'the one' for him, but he chose me. We chose each other. And, as long as he wants me, I'm going to stay."

"You really do love my son, don't you?"

"More than I ever believed I could love someone."

She sighed and turned to face me. Her face was softer than I had ever seen it, her eyes sparkling with glistening tears. I gave a small smile.

"I don't want to loose my baby," she murmured.

"You aren't losing him. He loves you… so much. He isn't letting go of you, he is just leading his own life; starting a family."

"I know that." Her voice remained just above a whisper. I felt the urge to create some sort of contact – I settled for a hand on her arm.

"Richard… he told me about your other son. I am so sorry."

She nodded and placed one hand over my own, grasping mine and offered a watery smile.

"Thank you. I…" Denise trailed off and paused before meeting my eyes. "I have caused you a lot of pain and a lot of trouble. I can't take back what I have already done, but I hope that you can forgive me for it, even if you can't forget."

I smiled and nodded. She dropped my hand and brushed the pads of her fingers beneath her eyes, brushing off her tears. I slipped my hands into my pockets.

"Mrs. Whitlock, I want you to know that Jasper and I are taking marriage and all that comes along with it very seriously. We love each other and… and even though our order of doing things is a bit tangled, we are ready to build our life together."

Denise took a deep breath and shut her eyes. They were soft and understanding when she opened them.

"You are pregnant, aren't you?"

I couldn't help but grin as I nodded. She smiled in return.

"What I said earlier, that you wouldn't make a good mother… I can tell I was wrong."

I grinned again.

"Really?"

"Really. The way your face lit upwhen I asked… I can tell you love your child, even now. You will be a fantastic mother. I know it."

She pressed her palm to the side of my face and patted my cheek. The motion felt caring, as opposed to condescending.

I began to step back and she pulled her hand from my cheek. She took a deep breath and, hesitantly, she put her arms around me.

For the first time since I'd known her I felt as if she was accepting me for who I was, for the person she approved to be the wife of her son, to be the mother of her grandchild… to be part of her family.

The lights were still on when I entered our bedroom, even though it was late. Jasper wasn't much of one to stay up late – he was almost always asleep before I was – but I could tell that, even as he lay on the bed, eyes closed, he was wide awake.

Being a coward through and through, I fetched my pajamas and slowly dressed, keeping my back towards him. The bed creaked as Jasper stood. I remained motionless, even after I had pulled on the thin shirt and pair of cotton shorts I had brought to sleep in.

Jasper's arms weaved around my waist. I shut my eyes as he put his lips to my ear.

"I'm sorry, love," He murmured.

I shook my head. What did he have to be sorry for?

"I know I should have told her…" He sounded truly apologetic. I waved my head back and forth again.

"Love…"

"Please don't apologize again," I muttered. I tugged free from his grasp.

"But I _am _sorry, Alice. I should have told them sooner… or at least have let you know I hadn't. I messed up, and I completely deserved your reaction."

He just didn't get it! He didn't have anything to be sorry for! _I _was the one who should have been sorry!

"Please, Alice…"

I wheeled to face him.

"Damn it, Jasper, stop that!"

His eyes widened in surprise.

"Allie, love, I'm serious," He said soothingly, stepping towards me once more. "I didn't mean to upset you and–"

I groaned loudly and pressed the heels of my palms against my eyes.

"Stop it! Stop apologizing!"

He stepped forward and encircled my waist once more.

"Why?" He murmured, his head bent to rest over mine.

I groaned.

"Because you don't have anything to be sorry for." Jasper chuckled, but I pressed on. "I'm serious, Jazz. I keep doing this; I keep treating you like this… and _I'm_ sorry."

I tilted my face up towards his. His brow was furrowed in concern.

"I can't… I can't keep doing this. I can't keep treating you like this, Jazz. It's no wonder you left and I just – "

"Alice!"

I pressed my face into his chest in hopes of hiding the tears I could feel moistening my eyes. His arms pulled me tighter than before.

"I just don't know why you put up with me. I don't treat you well and I always feel bad about it… but then I go and do it again…" My voice was muffled and shaking as I spoke into his chest. "I do it again and again… and you put up with me every time and I just don't know _why_ you do it! And I am sorry Jazz, I really am. And I swear, from now on, I swear I will… I will be better. I promise."

His long fingers continued to trace over my back as I quivered against him.

"I do it because I love you," he murmured. I tilted my face up to meet his eyes. "Things aren't always easy, and I know that, love. I'm not trying to make excuses… you don't always act your best Allie, but I love you. And even though I haven't said the vow yet, I am here through sickness and through health… till death do us part. Good or bad. I am going to be here forever and always, because I love you."

My face twisted with tears. I threw my arms around his waist and pressed my face back into his chest.

"I love you, Jazz." I sobbed.

His lips pressed to the top of my head.

"I love you Allie, more than you could ever know."

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**Well, there it is. I'm sorry, once again, that it took me so long to post. Also, apologies for the lack of length... I know I spoiled all of you with long chapters for a while, so this one might seem like a runt in comparison to others, but I promise, more is on its way. If you could drop me a review, that would be great. I have to ask, and I need answers... does this story seem to be dragging? I worry, at times that it is loosing some steam and momentum... what do you all think? I have it basically planned from here on out, but I want to know your opinion. **

**Thank you all again. I feel like I know all of you... and I appreciate you all so much for taking the time from your days to read the words I have written.**

**xoxo**


	29. Falling Further

**WARNING: If you shoot the author for what she wrote in this chapter, you'll never find out what happens... So please don't hurt me!  
Just remember that I love you guys! Read on and don't forget to send me the love at the end!**

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~~~Bella~~~**

There was no denying that it had been a _very _long weekend. Edward was helping Renee drag the last of my parents' bags into his small silver Volvo. Within a few minutes, I would kiss the cheeks of my parents, assure my mother that I was fine, and have an awkward goodbye with my father. Then, Edward would tote the abrasive pair to the airport and, finally, this dreadful weekend would be over. Thank god.

"Can I come in, Bells?"

My dad's voice pulled me from my revere. When I turned around, I saw Charlie standing in the doorframe leading to the bedroom. He had been quiet, even for Charlie, for the time he spent with us. From the point of our engagement being revealed, my father had become disconcertingly silent. I had a feeling I knew the reason behind his unpleasant mood. Apprehensive of the upcoming discussion, I attempted a grin, trying to ignore the worried scowl on his face. As my smile lit my face, his grimace lessened slightly.

"Sure, Dad."

I perched on the edge of the bed and patted the spot beside me. Charlie seated himself and placed one hand firmly over mine. I flipped my hand over and interlocked our hands.

"Bells… I'm worried about you," He murmured.

I sighed.

"Dad…"

"I'm being honest, Bella. You have never acted like this before. You are pulling away from Renee and I, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I love him, Dad."

"I know that, Bells, but that doesn't mean that you let go of the rest of your life."

"I'm not letting go of anything!"

"According to Jacob, you are. You let go of him mighty fast once you met Edward."

I had a retort on the tip of my tongue, but the mention of Jacob forcibly froze me. I took a breath before continuing.

"Whatever Jacob told you – "

"So you and Edward didn't have a huge fight? You didn't appear on Jacob's doorstep, soaking wet and sobbing? You didn't have nightmares and scream in your sleep? You didn't think your relationship was over? Edward didn't hurt you? Tell me those things aren't true, and I will believe you. Tell me they aren't, and I will let it go."

My silence was answer enough. The moments trickled by. Finally, Charlie began to speak again.

"So, Jacob was right." I could hear the accusing tone in his voice. I nodded in silence.

"What happened to you, Bells? I never thought you were the type of girl to just lie down and take it."

"I'm not…" I murmured.

"Is that so? Then why are you still here? Renee told me about the accident with Edward. Whether or not that's true, it's no reason to marry the bastard!"

"Dad…"

"I mean this, Bells! I'm serious! Where the hell did things go wrong with you? Are you really that self-conscious that you will marry the first man to get down on his knee?"

"No, Dad, it's-"

"Because if that's the case, you should still be in Forks! You should be with Jacob! He loves you, Isabella! He always has!"

"Is this about me, or is it about Jacob?" My voice was rising in sync with his.

"It's about both of you!" My father heaved himself to his feet, angry color flooding his face. "It's you, and Jacob, and Edward and this whole damn, screwed up life you are leading!"

I leapt to my feet as well.

"It's my life, Dad! _Mine!_ Not yours, not mom's, not Jacob's! I can live it however I want! Stop telling me what to do! Stop treating me like I am five years old! I'M NOT YOUR LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE, CHARLIE!"

I hadn't realized how high my voice had gone until it cracked on his name. Charlie stood before me, gazing silently; the color sunk away from his face.

"You're right," He murmured. His voice was shaking even at its low volume. "I guess you really _aren't_ my little girl anymore."

Without another look, Charlie turned away from me and stalked from the room. I heard the door to the apartment slam shut behind him as I sank onto my bed.

**~~~Alice~~~**

"I'll be home in a tonight," Jasper murmured.

He pressed his lips to mine. I could taste the alcohol on his breath. Oh well… He deserved one last day of freedom.

I couldn't believe it… It all seemed to happen at an incredible rate. One minute, we were lounging in the thick Texas air and the next thing I knew, we were mere days away from our official marriage. Marriage… how did that happen so quickly? I don't know, but this was it. The next day, Denise and Richard would be in town, staying with us. The day after, the Cullen-Hale clan (plus Bella, of course) would march on down to City Hall. A few simple words would be said, a few lines signed on a piece of paper, and that would be that. Married. I was about to become a Mrs. A very _large _Mrs.

Hence Jasper's one last night of freedom. As I had grown steadily larger, especially since our return from Texas a few weeks back, Jasper had become incessantly attentive. Not that I minded. The constant offer of food, drink and foot rubs was nothing to turn my nose up at.

All the same, I could see the strain on him, the way he would rub at his too-stiff shoulders, the circles beneath his eyes from too little sleep – and it was entirely my fault. Let's face it – Juno was right. Being pregnant makes a person pee like Seabiscut and my continual entrances and exits from the bedroom during the night had, of course, woken Jasper. I had, on multiple occasions, attempted to relocate to the living room. I had no problem with sleeping on the couch, as long as I had a pillow and blanket. Jasper, however, threw a royal fit anytime I tried.

He needed this. He needed the impromptu bachelor party the boys had planned. He needed the release. So I smiled against his lips as he brushed his fingers against the nape of my neck.

For a moment, he pulled me closer, until I heard Emmett bellow across the room.

"Hey! Cut that out! Just because you knocked her up, doesn't mean I want to see my sister screwing around with you!"

I laughed and pulled away from Jasper, instinctively placing a hand on my protruding belly. I peered around Jasper's body towards Emmett and Edward.

"No strip clubs, okay boys?" I sternly teased. Emmett merely rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, Alice," My dad laughed. "I'll keep them in line."

I grinned and chuckled. Rosalie rolled her eyes and crossed the room towards me, her purse slung over her shoulder. She took my hand.

"Come on, girly," She said with a half-hearted smile. "Bella is already waiting in the car downstairs for us. It's time for some baby shopping."

"What do you think about this one?" Bella called to me over the racks.

I stood on my toes xo I could get a clear view of the item she was dangling in the air. I dropped back onto the balls of my feet and cocked my head to the side, pretending to contemplate the trio of onesies clinging to the hangers clutched in her hand. Bella's eyebrows pulled together in the middle, a look of sincere hope flashing across her face. Truth be told, they weren't the most pleasant set we had seen that day…

"No way," Rosalie cut across, saving me from saying it myself.

She snatched it from Bella's hand and shoved it back onto the rack. I couldn't help but giggle at Bella's disgruntled look of disappointment.

"I'm sorry, Alice," she grumbled, shoving by the racks towards me. "I'm useless with this stuff."

I laughed and placed my arm tightly around her waist. I gave her a quick hug.

"It's fine, Bells. You're trying. Plus, it's kind of fun to watch you try to pick something good," I gave her a wink as I twisted a pair of soft-yellow baby socks through my fingers. I handed them to Bella to hold onto.

"By the way," I started as I handed Bella a small, fleece blanket. She draped it over her arm, waiting for me to continue. "How are things with you dad? Any better?"

She grimaced. It had been a few weeks since Charlie and Renee had left. Bella had explained the explosive fight that occurred before they left and, as far as I knew, there hadn't been reconciliation.

"Nothing," She sighed. "Not a single word."

"I'm sorry," I murmured, peering at her face. She ducked her head down and leaned past me to a shelf. Her hair fell between us, blocking her face from view.

When she drew back, she had a pair of cream-colored onesies with various Whinnie the Pooh characters emblazed on them in her hand. She raised her eyebrows expectantly and I grinned.

"Perfect," I stated. She returned my smile.

"It will clear up with you guys," Rose stated confidently. Her arms were quickly becoming filled various pieces of fabrics in soft pastels.

"And what about you, Rose? Any luck on the baby front?"

I immediately regretted asking as I watched the smile drop from her face. She shook her head and dropped her violet eyes.

"No. Nothing."

"Rose, I-"

"It's fine. I'm going to take another test soon. Hopefully, this will be the one." She tried to force a smile. Neither Bella nor I were deceived. "Seventeenth times the charm, right?"

Bella crossed to her silently, embracing her for a moment before pulling some of Rosalie's heavy load into her own arms.

"It's going to happen for you, Rose. I know it will eventually. And when it does, you will be an amazing mother."

I followed them as we worked our way to the registrar. It was a good thing this was all for the baby, or else Jasper would have been royally pissed that I was buying so much.

"I hope so, Bella," Rosalie murmured. "It's getting to Emmett… It's getting to both of us. He tries to hide it, but I can see it in his eyes. When he thinks I'm not looking and lets his guard down… I'm so tired of hurting him. Of being a failure."

"Rosalie," I snapped, my voice reproachful. "You are _not _a failure! Don't you dare think that for a moment you are. And Emmett loves you. Don't forget that."

Rosalie gave a slight smile as she piled the items onto the counter. Bella and I followed suit. I avoided meeting the employee's disdainful eye as she rung up our items. She was _clearly_ not paid on commission.

The words I said to Rosalie replayed in my head. I hoped, so badly, that they were true.

**~~~Rosalie~~~**

"Rose… Can I come in?"

Emmett's voice carried through the door.

_No_, I thought to myself in a growl. _Hence the closed door. Hence me having turned off the lights. Hence the note I left that said, "Leave me alone."_

"Fine," I murmured, despite the fact that I wanted to scream for him to go away.

The door creaked open, a shaft of light falling across the floor. It disappeared as the door shut behind him. I rolled over without a word so my face was pressed into the pillows.

"I'm guessing it's a negative, then?" He asked.

_No, you idiot._ I thought to myself. _I am lying in a dark room, buried in blankets and pillows because I am filled with joy. _Of course_ it's a 'negative.'_

I tilted my head just slightly so I could see his reaction as I spoke.

"Three tests. They all were negative."

I watched as his face fell with disappointment… another failure on my body's behalf.

"Emm… I'm – "

"It's fine, Rose." His voice was short and clipped. I gulped slightly and turned my face back into the pillows.

"Look, I tried," I snarled into the down feathers. "I tried, and-"

"We both tried. I know." His voice retained a controlled anger.

I flipped over and yanked the blankets up further. They brushed the bottom of my chin as I glowered at him.

"What the hell do you have to be mad about? I _tried_, ok? What more do you want me to do?"

"I'm not mad," He muttered.

"Bullshit."

I could feel the air tense as Emmett stared at me. In one sudden, harsh movement, he grabbed hold of the covers and tore them back. I recoiled from the turmoil brewing in his eyes.

"Look," He growled. "I know this is hard. I know you want a baby… You think I don't? You think this doesn't affect me? Well you're wrong!"

"It's not the same! It's not the same damn thing for you!"

I pushed myself up to my knees, my body quivering as our eyes met.

"Damn it, Rosalie! You know, it's not all about you! Not everything in this whole damn world," He threw his arms wide as he approached me, his generally gentle face contorting with anger. "IS ABOUT YOU!"

I stood, my quivering legs threatening to give out as I pushed myself up on the bed.

"I NEVER SAID IT WAS! THIS IS HARD FOR ME TOO! EVERY TIME THIS HAPPENS, EVERY TIME I LOSE A BABY! IT'S _KILLING ME, _EMMETT!"

"THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BRING DOWN EVERYONE WITH YOU, DAMN IT! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE HURT! YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUIN MY LIFE TOO!"

I froze. My knees gave a final quiver and buckled. The anger seemed to drain from Emmett as he watched me crumble, watched the tears begin to pool in my eyes.

"Rose, baby, I didn't mean that…"

"Ruining your life…?" My voice was a chocked murmur.

"I… No, you're not… Rose, I love-"

"Just go."

"Rose…"

"JUST GO!"

My voice cracked as I screamed. Emmett's eyes faded, the life in them disappearing as he turned from me.

I waited for the door to click shut before curling in upon myself. The tears flowed freely across the bridge of my nose, down my cheeks, into the roots of my hair.

_You don't have to ruin my life too… You don't have to ruin my life too…_

The words flooded my brain, overpowering me. He was right.

I knew what I had to do. I wouldn't ruin his life anymore.

_You don't have to ruin my life too…_

**~~~Emmett~~~**

I wasn't exactly looking forward to returning home after that. I drove slowly, letting the seconds trickle by. After our fight the night before, Rosalie and I hadn't spoken. Not once. I slept on the couch that night and only saw her momentarily when she stalked by me in the morning. When she had, I noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes. She clearly hadn't slept well. A twinge of guilt flooded me as I remembered the deathly pain etched on her face the night before.

I never should have said that. I don't… I don't know what I was thinking. It just came out…

All the anger, all the pain and frustration with our entire situation just came bursting out. I never meant to take it out on her.

I sighed and glanced at the seat beside me. The bouquet of red roses on the seat beside me seemed somewhat trivial as a way to undo what I had said, but it was better than nothing. With a grumble, I pressed my foot slightly more heavily into the gas pedal.

When I arrived home, the first thing I noticed was her car. The glossy convertible was parked haphazardly in the driveway. This seemed odd; she typically was compulsively careful with it.

The front door was open as well, although all the lights were off. I felt my stomach twist… a deepening sense of foreboding began to set in as I made my way to the bedroom. I turned on the lights as I went.

"Rose?"

There wasn't any response. I called again, only to be met by silence.

My hands had begun to shake by the time I reached the bedroom door. I turned the handle and pushed. The door opened with some resistance… something thick and heavy slid along the floor as I pushed harder.

I could feel my heart hammering in my throat. My body was shaking, palms sweating, terrified of what I would see when I stepped around the door.

Blond hair. That's the first thing I saw. A long trail of long, golden hair spilling across the wooden floor, leading to her… her head, her unmoving body, face down against the ground… no movement visible.

"Rose? Rosalie! NO!"

The flowers fell from my hands as launched myself to the floor beside her.

She wouldn't… it must have been an accident! Just fell and hit her head… But there was no visible damage… No, it couldn't be!

"Please! Please, oh God, PLEASE! PLEASE!"

I hadn't realized I was screaming aloud as I grasped her arms, dragging her into my lap, shaking her loose, limp body. As I did, I heard a click of plastic falling to the floor. I grasped at the small bottle… sleeping pills… empty…

"Oh God... Please! Rosalie! I didn't mean it… ROSALIE! OH GOD, PLEASE!"

I held her face to mine, straining to feel a breath… I pressed my ear to her chest… the slightest pumping met my ears…

I jammed my fist against the three numbers, never releasing her limp, cool form.

I spat out my address, explaining the situation to the soothing voice on the other end of the emergency line. How could they be so calm? Did they not realize the importance of the situation?

"Please, Rosalie, please…" I sobbed, pressing her still form into my tear-covered face. "Please… Just stay with me… Stay with me… Not you… Please… Rose…"

I heard the sirens approaching, then feet pounding down the hall. Lights, voices, sounds. My arms were suddenly empty and I was on the floor, my fist clutching the little bottle of hell that she had used.

"I love you Rose… Please… Rosalie, please…" I begged to the empty floor where she had lain.

She couldn't be gone… She just couldn't…

**

* * *

There we have it. I'm going to go hide in a dark corner somewhere now... And hopefully no bombshells will fall on my head! Leave me some love? **

**xoxo  
**


	30. Dark

**Author's Note:  
This is full of excuses. Be warned. I swear, I have a good reason (or two, or three) as to why I did not post sooner.  
When I posted the last chapter, it was my intention to write this one as quickly as possible, shoot it to my Beta and post. Sadly, the best laid plans of mice and authors often times fall through. Here is why:  
1. Never wear contacts to sleep. You will wake up with incredibly sore eyes. Especially don't sleep in them more than once. I fell asleep in them three times, got a very painful eye irritation. Add that to lovely allergies and you get a strong dose of light sensitivity. A computer screen was literally impossible for me to look at. I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to even find the document on my screen.  
2. With my eye issues solved, I was enlisted in the moving of an entire house. The whole contents of a family member's house had to be packed and moves, so I was stuck stuffing things into boxes all-day, every-day.  
3. Stomach flu. You really don't need to know more. Sorry for not writing. I meant to while I lay in bed. I swear.  
All in all, I think we can conclude that I fail at life. I am sincerely apologizing a million times over to you all. I never meant to leave you all hanging.  
In an attempt to get this up as quickly as possible, I decided to skip the Beta phase. I polished it as well I could. A more polished version will be up within a week. Hopefully.**

**NOW! Read, review and love.  
**

* * *

**Rosalie POV**

I had told Alice I was feeling sick. _"Maybe I have the flu," _I had said. She believed me. That made things so much easier.

And so much harder.

People say that living is hard and death is easy. Death may be easy, but getting there isn't. It shouldn't have been hard to go to the pharmacy, pick up the prescription. The pharmacist's smile shouldn't have made me want to scream. Didn't she know she was looking at me for the last time? Shouldn't she see that I am about to die?

Why didn't anybody care?

It's not easy. I don't care what any person in the world tells you – dying is not simple.

I had all the tools. I just wanted it to be done. I wanted to act quickly, for it to be finished before anyone could stop me. I didn't bother the take care with my car. I would never be in it again. That hit me – it was the last time my hands would ever glide over the smooth, black leather.

It was cool inside the house. And dark. I went silently and quickly to the bedroom. I clutched the translucent orange plastic in one hand and cracked the crisp white cap off with the other. No water. I would swallow them dry.

I forced myself to the floor. I pressed my back against the closed door, the hard wood cutting against my spine.

I pressed my fingers into the opening and flicked the first pill into my hand. I sat, motionless for a moment – my thoughts began to swarm.

Everything, every memory and moment and thought and sound and touch and sense that had infiltrated my mind throughout the years I had spent on this planet flooded back. _No, _I thought. _No thoughts. No memories. No more pain._

_You don't have to ruin my life too…_

_This will fix it, _I told myself. _For you, Emmett._

I forced myself to block the memories and brought my hand to my mouth. I swallowed the chalky pill easily. Before any effect could set in, four more pills followed it down.

_Is that enough?_ I wondered. _How much crap are you supposed to take if you want to die? _I didn't know. _I should have googled it._

This thought spread a disturbed smile across my face. I was laughing, chocking, thick, strangled laughs.

_Better safe than sorry,_ I told myself.

Another pill and another.

And another.

And another.

It felt so good. I could feel my body rejoicing with what was coming, the impending darkness. My head began to spin as I forced myself to lift another pill to my too-dry mouth. I should have had water…

_Don't want to spill it,_ I thought. _Wouldn't want to ruin the floors with water! Water… I'm water. Spilling over… ruining._

_You don't have to ruin my life too…_

Another and another and another.

The last one passed my lips. I raised the empty container to my eye and shook it, wishing for more.

I tilted my head back, waiting for the entire darkness to swallow me.

Thoughts pressed forward, stronger this time. I couldn't block them and tears began to spring to my eyes. I was choking and laughing and crying.

My stomach was churning. My vision began to pulse thickly. I tried to block the memories but all I could do was see the spinning contents of my bedroom.

"I wont..." I murmured. "I wont ruin anything…"

Darkness clouded in from the corners of my eyes. I welcomed it. The dark was peaceful.

I was conscious of my body falling forward. I slumped in front of the door, face pressed to the ground. There was no point in getting comfortable. I knew it would all be over soon.

Soon.

_Please let it be soon…_

And it was… and sounds began to fade.

I waited for the silence. It finally came.

**Emmett POV**

People seem to gather. Whenever anything terrible happens, everyone gathers. It's frustrating. Do they really think that, while I sat there in the hospital's waiting room, I would want them to swarm around me, lusting for details?

They all kept staring. I almost wished that I were back in the ambulance with Rosalie's pallid body. Back with the blaring sirens and rushed movement of the paramedics. Even the sluggish beep of monitors hooked to her had been better than the silence that was enveloping the family.

When Alice had arrived, bursting into the waiting room, panting, tottering on stilettos and clutching her distorted stomach, a flood of anger had blasted through me – anger and jealousy. She and Jasper were the last to arrive. She hurried forward towards me and grasped my hand as she seated herself.

"Emm, I'm so sorry," she murmured.

"She's not dead yet, Alice!" I snapped loudly.

"No, I didn't mean-"

"Shut up!"

"Don't talk to her like that," Jasper stated flatly.

Alice recoiled her hand from mine, stood and interlaced her fingers with Jasper's. She tugged him away from me, towards Bella and Edward.

After that, it was silent. Bella and Edward kept throwing furtive glances over their shoulders. My mother and father sat stoically beside me in a somber silence.

Why couldn't they all just go away? Their presence there wouldn't have changed anything. I just wanted to be along. To break down on my own time, without the hidden stares of my relatives boring into me.

But they wouldn't leave. I told them that it was fine for them to go home – they all insisted that they wanted to stay.

_Don't you understand?_ I wanted to scream. _I don't want you here! _

Jasper was gone for about an hour, to pick up his parents at the airport. It had been too late to cancel their flight – they were already in the air by the time Jasper knew what had happened.

Minutes trickled by like hours. Hours felt like days. At one point, I heard Esme lean in close to Carlisle and whisper "You don't think…?"

"No news is good news," he had replied. I couldn't tell if he was being truthful, or just trying to calm Esme's incessant fear.

Alice was snuggled against Jasper, sound asleep. Bella and Edward sat in stark silence, hands grasped. He would occasionally press his lips to her temple. Carlisle had an arm curved around Esme's shoulders. Her head rested on his shoulders.

It seemed as though they were flaunting me – tossing everything Rose and I had been searching for into my face. Alice, with her protruding belly. My parents, in possession of the most peaceful, loving relationship since Adam and Eve. Bella and Edward, wrapped securely in one another's arms, possessing a world of possibility that was slowly slipping from my grasp.

I had failed. I screwed up and I knew it. We all knew it. Why did they have to be here to witness it? Why the hell did they all have to sit, staring at me, waiting for the doctor to announce what no one wanted to hear – that Rosalie was gone. Why the hell did _every single one_ have to silently send me their accusations? "It's all your fault," I could practically hear them say. "You killed the only thing in your world. You screwed up and ruined it all. Kudos to you, Emmett."

Why the hell wouldn't they all just leave!

The silence was shattered by my loud moan of frustration. I snapped up and shoved my chair back. As I stormed out of the room, into the horribly sanitary hallway, I saw Alice's eyes flutter open. I could feel her watching me as I fled.

_I'm losing her. _The thought that slammed into my mind nearly brought me to my knees. I hadn't been good – never treated her well enough. Rosalie was tough, but she had been in pain before. Her life had not been simple, and I threw everything – every one of her insecurities – right back into her face.

I had ruined everything.

_SHIT!_

I swung towards the wall – my raised fist pounded against it. The resounding crack that filled the air was satisfying for a moment. As the momentary thrill left me, the tears began to seep forward.

I had my arms folded against the wall, my forehead pressed into them, when Alice appeared. I hadn't noticed the stream of profanities that had been slipping from my lips, between muffled sobs, until she began to hush me.

My sister's miniscule arms attempted to wrap around me. I pulled myself fully upright and faced her. She pressed her elfin face into my chest and squeezed me as well she could. I could feel her tears dampening my shirt as mine dropped into her crazed inky hair.

"Ally…" I murmured. She pulled back and locked her hand with mine.

"Alice, what do I do?" I chocked.

"There isn't anything you can do, sweetheart."

"There is… there has to be something. This is my fault. I have to do something! I can't just sit here and act like-"

"Emmett," She snapped. I quit my tirade and looked down to her. "This is _not_ your fault." Her voice was authoritative and clear.

Guilt swelled up in me and I yanked my hand free from her grip.

"Yes, it is, Alice! All this stuff – all this absolute _shit_ that is happening with us – it's my fault!"

"Emm, I am sure that that's not – "

"YES IT IS!" My voice reverberated down the deserted hallway. I was sure that my family in the waiting room could hear my bellowing.

"Alice, you don't know the things I said… how I acted. I was horrible. Cruel. I…" My voice chocked for a moment before I slugged forward.

"I told her that she was ruining my life. That just because she was hurt, she didn't have to pull everyone else down. Alice, what I said… that's what did this. I made her kill herself. I might as well have killed her myself. And I swear, I never meant to, Alice, I swear."

I was blubbering and I knew it. I couldn't seem to find enough in me to care, let alone to stop my outpouring of confession and tears.

Alice stood beside me stoically as I collected myself. I was too ashamed to look in her eyes - to see the accusations that were sure to bombard me there. Finally, I quieted. Alice's hand tenderly brushed my forearm. I dropped my eyes to hers.

Her dark, chocolate eyes were filled with anything but the hatred I deserved. They had melted entirely with warmth. Although brimming with tears, I could not see a single accusation within her.

"You didn't mean it," She murmured. "_That_ is what matters."

"Not if I lose her, Alice," I muttered. "Not if she dies. Not if she leaves me."

"She won't." Alice's tone was dripping with confidence.

I groaned. "How do you know that?"

"Because I do," She stated. "Because I know Rosalie and I know you. You two, separated, are like Andre Leon Talley missing Fashion Week in Paris."

I raised my eyebrows and couldn't help but snort.

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

She rolled her eyes in pure Alice fashion and took my hand once more. "What I'm saying is that she loves you and you love her. At the end of the day, that will pull you guys through."

I jutted forward and yanked Alice into my arms. She hugged me back tightly.

"Thank you, Ally," I murmured. She squeezed tightly in response.

As I stood in the tight embrace of my diminutive sister… I almost believed she was right. I almost believed that we would make it through.

* * *

**That's right, loves. I have yet to reveal Rosalie's fate. You'll see soon enough!**

**I need to thank absolutely everyone who reviewed the last chapter. When I finally had a moment to breath and checked the story, I was blown away to see the number of reviews. It was way more than I had received in a while. I love you all so much; none of this story would be possible without you guys.  
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now stop reading and go review!**

**xoxo  
**


	31. Gasping for Air

**Once again, I apologize for a slow update. I don't have many good reasons, but I was determined to get this chapter up before I went on a short vacation. Due to my procrastination in life, it's not the longest, most polished chapter ever. My poor Beta is being neglected.  
All the same, I truly like this chapter - I hope you do as well! Read away and leave a REVIEW!**

* * *

**~~~Emmett~~~  
**

Eventually, Alice and I released each other. We stood in silence for a moment before I glanced down to her elfin face. She was worrying her lip between her teeth, clearly thinking through something.

"Ally?" I prodded. "What is it?"

She sucked in a deep breath and met my eyes.

"I…" Her voice faltered out. Tugging in another heavy breath, she began again. "I never asked to have a baby. Really, this was not part of the plan for me – at least not yet. I know it's unfair, how this is all working out. I feel like – "

"This isn't your fault, Alice," I cut across. "I know you didn't want this. There isn't anything you could have done."

"Well… that's sort of my point. I didn't want this… and you do. You and Rosalie both want exactly what Jasper and I have. He and I aren't ready for any of this. You and Rose would be ready– you have been for years. So, I was thinking that, maybe you guys could…"

I forced myself to lock my jaw, to prevent it from falling open.

"Alice…"

"I was thinking that you guys could adopt the baby."

"Alice, I can't…"

"I want you to." The heartfelt sincerity rang in her every word.

I was so close to having everything that we had wanted. All the problems could be solved and disappear… it would be so easy.

But would it really have fixed anything? To take away my sister's child and call it my own? Was our lack of offspring really the root of the problem for Rosalie, or was it our life? Everything about us that didn't fit quite right… Would it have made anything easier, or just dragged a harmless child into the midst of our complicated lives?

Slowly, I shook my head.

"No, Alice," I murmured.

"Really, Emmett, I – "

"No!" My denial came out harsher than I intended. I watched as she recoiled slightly.

"I'm sorry," I amended. "I just can't. It would be too weird to have your son or daughter be counted as my child. I can't."

"Emmett, Jasper and I talked about it. It would be fine. You and Rosalie need this more than us."

"We aren't ready. We have been… before, but not now. Not after this. Rosalie and I need to work through some crap and that has to be my focus. I can't pull a baby into this train wreck."

"Em…"

"I appreciate it. Really, I do." I tugged her close and squeezed her tightly. She returned the motion.

We both pulled back when the door to the waiting room burst open. My father came out. He tilted his head back to the room.

"The doctor's here, Em. It's time." I grasped Alice's hand. She gave my fingers a strong squeeze.

* * *

"So she'll be alright?" My voice was thick - my words came out slightly garbled.

I felt as if the air had physically sucked from my lungs. I couldn't tell if I was hyperventilating or not breathing at all. Was my heart pounding heavily against my ribs, or had it stopped moving all together?

"Physically, yes." The doctor stated calmly. "We were able to pump the majority of the sleeping pills from her system. She is still unconscious and, for the time being, on a respirator. Once she is fully conscious we'll take her off of it. There are some minor physical effects that will fade over time. She will have trouble speaking for a few days – an effect from pumping her stomach. Other than that, she will regain her strength over the next few weeks."

Through this point, the doctor had been speaking to the entire family. Now his eyes settled directly on me.

"We will have to speak to both of you about therapy options and necessary precautions."

I stiffened but nodded.

"We can discuss it later," he amended. "You can go in now, but she will be out for a few more hours."

I nodded and shoved past the mob-like grouping of my family in front of the door. Entering, my eyes fell on the frail, pallid form on the bed.

My breath choked in my throat. She _looked _dead. Other than the steady, forced rising of her chest and the continual beeps of her heart, she could have been a corpse. Nausea twisted my stomach and my head spun.

I had done this to her.

Alice's voice met my ear softly. "Breath, Emmett," She instructed. She held my hand even tighter – I focused on the force of her fingers in mine and did as told. Slowly, I sank into the chair beside Rosalie's bed.

She was identical to how she had been in our room – still, white… deathly. I tentatively lifted my free hand. My fingers brushed the back of her hand. It was warm. I could suddenly feel relief flooding my system.

There was warmth… no longer cold. There was hot blood pumping through her veins. She _was_ alive, no matter how close she had come.

Alice was right. We would make it through, no matter what.

**~~~Rosalie~~~  
**

For while, everything stayed dark once I hit the floor. At one point, a deep rumble had pressed against the walls of darkness that surrounded me. I thought I hadn't died and that it was Emmett. That maybe he _did _care, after all. Had this all been a mistake?

But then the darkness engulfed me more heavily than before. I could hear a faint _whooshing_ in my ears as my chest had slowly crept towards being still.

And then _everything_ was dark. I mean _everything_. I couldn't find anything to grasp – no sound, no sight, no touch. I knew this was it – Emmett or not, I had reached my goal. Death was here with waiting arms. I would have gladly walked forward to meet it, if I could have found my legs at all. Instead I stayed still, with lead-filled limbs, waiting for Death to embrace me.

I knew it was here. The silence proved that I was gone. I'm unsure as to what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. Shouldn't death be a bit more… pleasant? Or is the supposed heaven that everyone talks about only for natural deaths? I had tried _really_ hard to end my existence and get through the pearly gates… Did all that effort ban me from heaven? That seemed rather counterintuitive to me.

Instead, of the pleasantries I was expecting, it was all sort of confusing. I was oddly aware of my continued presence. Did that mean I wasn't dead?

But no – of course I had died. I downed a whole damn bottle of pills. How could I _not _be dead? The amount of effort I put in deserved success… didn't it?

But if I was dead… why was I thinking all of this? That only confused me further. How could I not be dead? Is that all death is? Just sitting around, unable to move but still thinking inside? Like I said, it was all very strange.

It stayed like that for a while – how long? I don't know. I guess death doesn't come with a pocket watch. I just lay there - or was I not in a body at all? – and continued to try to wrap my thoughts around something. But I couldn't. My thoughts seemed to be entirely separated from any other ability that comes with life. The darkness didn't fade for a long, long time. I had started to realize that this was it – an eternal existence as floating thought – when it suddenly shifted.

Darkness still blocked any vision or sound, but I could feel the slightest trace of touch. Somewhere inside of me, I was being poked and prodded – as if something was being pushed _into _me. I would have erupted with goose bumps from the sudden fear my thoughts were raging with, if I could have moved at all.

What was _happening_? Couldn't I just fucking die in peace? What the hell was this? Some sort of sick, screwed up horror story where I have to experience everything after death?

I would have been chocking on whatever was slipping down my throat if I could have remembered how. Something slick and hard was slowly scraping down the interior of my esophagus. As entirely horrid as the sensation was - even worse when it felt like my interior was being pulled away from within me – I was reassured. I still had a body. Sure, it was being tortured at the time, but it was there. At least I knew I still existed. I couldn't feel my limbs or face, but now I knew they still existed. I was still present – still alive. The thought both terrified and elated me.

I forced myself to try and focus once more. To discover feeling in a toe, a finger, my lips. I wanted to pry open my lids, which seemed to weigh close to a ton. I tried to gasp in air, but only a small trickle presented itself. It wasn't enough to fill my lungs, but it was enough to prove my life. I was _breathing._ I was alive, and I was grateful.

The scraping began again – whatever was in me seemed to slowly retreat. And then it was over. My body felt thick and heavy as I lay. I was uncomfortable for a moment, my senses still thick and clouded, before a warm haze began to seep through me. A gust of drowsiness fogged my mind further and I relented, for now. I let myself slip back into the darkness. There was no fear this time, due to my newfound realization, as I slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

**So, thanks to multiple death threats, I really didn't have a choice as to what to do with Rosalie. Did you really think I would kill her off? You people have no faith in me. All the same, I still love and adore all of you.**

**Now, for something very, very important. Clearly, Alice has not yet found out the gender of the baby. Which would you like it to be? And toss some name suggestions my way - so far I am drawing a blank, for a boy or girl. Help me out, darlings!**

**xoxo**


	32. Ultimatum

**Hello, darlings! Welcome to Chapter 32. Nice and long... and eventful. :)  
In celebration of making it to 300 reviews (I love you guys! Let's get it to 400 quickly!), I created a Twitter account for you all to follow. I will be giving sneak peaks of upcoming chapters, will ask for your opinions on certain story aspects, and will give story suggestions! If you don't have an account already, create one! I like it more and more each day - follow me at .com/beckaboowriter**

**I hope to see you all in the Tweets!  
**

* * *

**~~~Rosalie~~~**

Breathing was too easy. I could feel the oxygen practically being forced into my lungs. That was a good thing, though, I guess. It meant I was alive. It meant that the feel of Emmett's broad hand enveloping mine wasn't merely a figment of my imagination.

The next thing I noticed was a thick cover of plastic jammed onto my face. I automatically lifted my hand to yank it off, but Emmett's steel grip caught me before I could free my face. His hand gently lowered mine back to the sheets. Slowly, I lifted my eyelids.

I reached for the respirator once more and he caught me again.

"But – " I protested. The stiff plastic was pressing uncomfortably into my cheeks.

"No, Rose," He murmured. "You have to keep it on, honey."

He sounded exhausted, relieved and… caring. I cringed away from the compassion in his voice. I subtly tugged my hand from his. My attempt at nonchalance did not go unnoticed – I saw him stiffen in my peripheral vision.

"Rose…" He murmured. "Rose, sweetheart."

I turned my face towards him and he leaned in automatically, until his chin was rested on the side of the bed. His dark eyes were clouded with small pools of tears and his face was twisted in pain.

"You scared the hell out of me," he murmured. Those words slammed into me with a sucker punch and, before I knew why, I was gasping through my tears.

Emmett bolted upright, only to shove his way onto the small bed. His arms enveloped me, through and around the cords that were pressed into my body. I was shaking, rasping, and soaking his shirt with salt water. His fingers raked through my knotted hair with one hand, while the other clutched me tightly to his chest. I could feel him shaking along with me.

I could feel time pressing on as I clutched to him. I never wanted to let go – his vast chest, his thick arms, the feel of his breath stirring my hair – it was all too much. I was amazed that he was there; I had assumed that he had given up on my insanity and me by now. At least he cared enough to be here, to comfort me.

Slowly, my warbling sobs subsided, but I refused to pull back. He didn't move either.

I knew I had to say something, to apologize, but what was I supposed to say? _Hey, sorry that you married a lunatic. _Or the simpler, _Sorry that I'm insane and screwed over your life._ Words started to gurgle from my mouth before I could plan them out.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Em. I… I… I just thought that you… I…"

"That I what?" His words were soft against my ear, but burning with regret.

"That you…" I paused and swallowed thickly. "That you hated me. That you didn't want me around anymore."

I immediately regretted telling him. He let out an anguished garble of words before falling into sobs. He pulled me even tighter, painfully so, but I didn't protest. I was so thankful that he was there at all.

"Rose, how could you?" A tint of anger colored his words, once his sobs subsided. "How could you think that, after everything we have been through, that I would want you _dead_? To walk in and see you… you just… Words can't even describe it, Rosalie. How _could you_?"

"I knew you didn't want me around, so I… I just tried to simplify things. Not make you see me around or anything. I never thought I would make it all worse by… by making it through. I'm sorry."

My voice shook near the end – his arms tightened around me, his guilt causing him to care, even momentarily. I was thankful for his touch, no matter how briefly it was back in my life. How _was _I going to live through him leaving after all of this? He had made it clear… before… that I wasn't worth it, but I couldn't see how I would be able to let him go. Dying had been my only escape, and it failed.

"Rosalie," He murmured. His voice was suddenly intense. "Rosalie, you did this because of me, didn't you?"

I couldn't move. I just lay, shuddering slightly in his grasp. He waited silently for me to speak.

"I knew that you were done with me, but I knew I couldn't let go," I whispered. "I had to find some way out. This was the only way."

"I _never_ meant what I said to you. I was upset, just like you, and I said things that could never be true."

"Don't say that."

"I mean it, Rose. You are my world. Without you… Well, without you there isn't anything here for me. You could never ruin my life in any other way than leaving me behind."

I shook my head mutely against his chest.

"Rosalie, you seem to be under a misapprehension. How can I make you understand? I have always, and will always, love you. You are my life. Child or not, you are the girl I married." He lifted my face with one hand. Our eyes met. "Through sickness and through health, Rosalie. I will _always_ be yours, and I can only hope that you will always be mine. I love you."

My tears streamed freely from my eyes as I realized the truth in his words. I had been such an idiot – what was I thinking? I reached one hand back to my face and pulled the oxygen mask down. He started to protest, before he realized my intent. He silence as soon as our lips met.

"I love you, Rosalie," he whispered against my lips.

Still crying, I returned his words. "I love you so much, Em. Forever."

Footsteps broke the intimate silence between us. I pulled my lips away from his and turned my head to see a beaming Alice. Moments later, the rest of my family filed in – relief and love blossomed in their expressions. It was all I could do to hold make even more tears.

Alice was the first to burst forward. She wriggled her arms through Emmett's grip to hug me.

"Good to have you back, baby," she whispered in my ear. I hugged her tightly.

"Good to be back," I whispered softly.

* * *

**~~~Alice~~~**

"You alright, honey?"

I hadn't realized that I had been staring at our interlocked hand on the console between us until Jasper broke me out of my revere. I glanced up and smiled.

"Yeah. Just nervous about seeing the baby again."

Jasper cracked a grin.

"After everything this week, you decide to be scared about seeing our baby? I really doubt that it has sprouted a third leg or anything since last time."

I gave a light chuckle but dropped my eyes. He was silent for a moment. His eyes studied my profile for a moment before turning back to the road.

"There's something more. You seem upset." His hand squeezed mine between us.

"Do you want a boy or girl?" I spat out before I could chicken out.

"It that what's bothering you?" He turned the car into the hospital parking lot.

I remained silent as he parked. I slung my bag over my shoulder and got out, shutting the door quietly. He came around to my side of the car. His hands cupped my face and angled it towards his.

"Be honest, Jasper. Tell me what you want," I whispered.

His arms enveloped me as he noted my concern.

"Honey, you are it all."

I furrowed my brown in confusion and tilted my face up to read his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

He sighed and brushed a thumb against my cheek.

"Alice, you made my life complete the day you agreed to marry me. Everything more than having you is just a bonus. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled about having a child with you, but I don't need it to be happy. _You_ are my life. So, boy or girl, I am going to love this child because, as long as you are there with me, everything is perfect."

I buried my face into his chest and tried to hide my tears.

"Are you crying?" He gasped.

I chuckled through my tears and nodded. "Stupid hormones."

He laughed and released my body from his hold. Slipping one hand into mine, he tugged me towards the building.

"Come on, love. Let's go visit our baby."

Jasper handed the nurse the blank disc. She inserted it before drizzling the cool jelly onto my bare stomach. I tried not to squirm.

Jasper squeezed my hand tightly as we waiting to see the image appear on the screen.

"Wow," I murmured. Jasper grinned next to me.

"It doesn't look like a sea monkey anymore," He muttered. I chuckled.

"Well, it is almost 5 months now."

"You wanted to find out the sex today, correct?" The nurse asked. I nodded.

She fiddled with the controls for a moment.

"Alright," She murmured. "Let's see if the baby is cooperating here." She worked for a moment. "Ah. Here we go."

And there it was. A boy. My head whipped over to Jasper – he was staring, transfixed, at the screen. Our baby was a little boy. I clamped one hand over my mouth to try to hold back my tears.

Jasper slowly turned to face me. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Thank you, honey. Thank you."

His words pushed me over the edge. I could no longer hold back the tears and they began to spill over as I grinned.

I stared up at the screen. "My son," I murmured. "Our son."

**

* * *

~~~Bella~~~**

"Call me," I spat into the phone. Bastard. It had been _weeks_ since Jacob had ratted me out to my parents and the jerk hadn't bothered to call me back. What a coward. He had the gall to tell my parents the entirety of the troubles between Edward and myself, but he couldn't puck up the courage to face me? Because of him, I hadn't spoken to my father in weeks – according to Renee, Charlie was still furious.

"You owe me better than this," I tacked on to the end of the message.

I slammed the phone into the receiver and stormed out of the room. Edward glanced up as I threw myself onto the couch next to him. He settled his book onto the couch beside him before wrapping an around me. His lips pressed into my temple. The touch of his lips drained a slight amount of the tension from me.

"No luck, then?"

I snarled in response. Edward sighed.

"I'm sorry, love. He should call."

I remained stony.

"I'm sorry," He whispered. He was being intentionally seductive, trying to distract me. His lips pressed to my jaw.

"_You_ don't have anything to be sorry for. This is his fault," I growled.

"If I hadn't made the mistakes I did, it wouldn't have ever happened. None of this would be an issue."

"It's not your fault," I muttered.

He sighed. "Regardless," he whispered against my ear. "I don't like seeing you upset."

I rolled my eyes and set my jaw. I was quite content to sit and fume about my jackass of a friend. Edward was not about to ruin my opportunity to stew over the situation.

"He'll call eventually. I know it." His voice was even softer than before.

His lips pressed delicately to my ear. Slowly, his lips worked down the line of my jaw. I tried to suppress my shudder, but I still released a small squeak as his hand settled on my upper thigh.

"Relax," he murmured. "After everything this week, Bella, please. I need to just be with you."

I sighed. It was true – after everything with Rosalie this week, throwing everything into the wind and forgetting for an hour or two was tempting. I allowed him to touch his lips to mine.

His hand worked slowly up my thigh until he reached my hip. I pressed my lips more fully against his. He groaned softly and I smiled against his lips.

"I love you," I gasped softly.

He took hold of my waist and tugged my across him. I was suddenly straddling him, our bodies pressed together. He kissed me more deeply, one hand angling my head, the other clutching my back to him. My breath was quickly turning into gasp as we moved against one another. He lifted me deftly as I locked my legs around me. Still interlocked at the lips, he started to tote me to the bedroom.

"Screw Jacob," he whispered. I sighed and pressed into him once more.

His fingers were just beginning to skim the bottom of my shirt when the phone rang.

I froze. He pressed his lips against mine again, trying to lock me in the moment.

"Forget it, Bella."

I hesitated for a moment and his lips crashed into mine. I couldn't help but return the pressure. My fingers locked in his hair and I tugged him against me.

I could hear our voices on the message machine followed by a beep. Edward reached for the buttons of my shirt and started to work them open. It was almost off when I realized that it was Jacob's voice speaking. I gasped and pulled away from Edward.

"Bella!" he protested. He locked his arms around my waist. I elbowed out of his grasp fiercely and shoved past him. Running to the phone, I yanked it up and gasped into it.

"Jacob?"

"Bells?"

"You bastard!" I yelped. My anger was back, threefold. "You _bastard_!"

"Bella, just listen – " He muttered.

"No! Absolutely not! How could you do that?"

I knew I was being unreasonable – it would have made much more sense to let him explain his side, but I was furious. He had completely betrayed me to my parents and complicated my life even further than it already was.

"Bella, I – "

"I trusted you." My voice turned into a snarl.

"I'm sorry. Just… Just let me explain. Please."

Edward entered the room. I shook my head and motioned for him to leave. His eyes met mine fiercely. I could tell he was bothered by me leaving him. I flashed a warning look at him.

"Fine," I spat into the phone. I knew Edward wasn't planning on leaving, but this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have in front of him. "Explain."

"Come to Forks and I will."

I gasped in surprise. "_What_?"

"You heard me. I want to explain to you in person. Please. Just for a day. Please, Bella."

Edward took a step forward, his brow furrowing due to my shocked expression.

"What does he want?" Edward whispered.

"Jacob… Hold on." I put my hand over the receiver and held it down. "He wants me to come to Forks to work this out."

Edward was shaking his head before I even finished.

"No," He stated deftly. "No, absolutely not. After what he did to you, Bella? I wont let you be hurt like that again."

"Edward, I…"

"No." His voice was flat and harsh.

I clutched my open shirt across my chest and lifted the phone back to my ear.

"I… I'll be there."

"Thanks, Bells," Jacob sighed into the phone. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Bye, Jake."

I clicked the phone down slowly. Keeping my eyes down, I redid the buttons of my shirt. Edward's seething glare bored into me as I did.

Finally I looked up. His face was twisted and livid.

"Edward, this doesn't have anything to do with you. This is something I have to do."

"Nothing to do with me? Are you _joking_?"

He was overreacting completely. It really shouldn't affect him – Jacob was a friend, that's all.

"Edward…"

"Shit, Bella! Are you just _trying_ to ruin things?" His words slapped against me. How could he think like that?

"I'm trying to fix things!"

"Fix what? The minor shit between you and a guy you _used _to care about? You're life is here. With me."

_Used to care about_… That cut into me. I still cared. I was quickly realizing that I had never _not _cared about Jacob. He had always mattered, even when he wasn't around.

"This matters to me," I muttered.

"Well, which matters more, him or me? Because if you leave tomorrow, that will show me."

Tears were beginning to burn in my eyes. He had promised, months ago, that he wouldn't do this, that he would never make me choose.

"You know that I love you. God damn it, Edward! Don't do this, please!"

"I know that, do I? You sure about that?"

"Yes, I'm sure!" I was edging towards sobbing. Nothing but my infuriated anger was holding me back from collapsing. I wanted to slap him – how could he be so pigheaded?

He glared at me for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was low, cold and even.

"You decide, Bella. It's him or me. I don't want to loose you again but… if you go there, I know I will. If you love me more, you will stay here."

"Edward, you promised," I choked. "You had promised, remember? You said you wouldn't do this. I love you, I do. Please, Edward. Please…"

"I'm sorry, Bella," He whispered. "This is up to you. It's time for you to decide."

Slowly, Edward walked past me. I stood, horrified by tonight's events. The bedroom door shut quietly behind him.

I wanted to suck back all the events of the past months. I wanted to take back all the problems with Edward that had led me to Jacob and, in turn, led to this ultimatum.

I never wanted to loose Edward, but I couldn't let go of Jacob either. I pressed my hand into the counter, steadying myself as I thought.

I _had_ to go – there was no choice. Edward didn't mean what he had said. I knew that I needed to work this out with Jacob. And Edward… well, if he really loved me, he would forgive me. I had to believe that. It was the only way I could have gone.

We existed in silence for the rest of the night. The next morning, I got into my car and pointed myself towards Forks. It felt like going home.

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**Like I said, we have hit 300 reviews. Now, to the best and most beautiful fanfic writers out there, that isn't that big. To me, however, it is huge. I appreciate it so much. I dream of getting this story to 500 by the end. I am sad to say, however, that there aren't _that _many chapters left! I am planning on a sequel, but this particular story will, within a few more chapters, come to a close. So that means that every single one of you has to review, you hear? Whoever gives me my 500th review will be given the chance to design a role in the sequel - that's a promise! So, go for it! Let's boost this story to the top!**

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	33. Shattered

**I am both excited and terrified by this chapter. All I can say is that I PROMISE a sequel. Promise, promise, promise!  
P.S. All reviewers will get a sneak peek of the next chapter! It will be posted once we hit 20 reviews on this one! Love ya!  


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**~~~Bella~~~**

My fist thudded against the door, while I struggled to overcome the oppressing sense of déjà vu. Had I not, just a few months ago, arrived on Jacob's doorstep, newly single?

_No!_ I told myself. _You are _not_ single. He didn't mean that…. But what if he did?_

I didn't have time to answer my own question – Jacob threw the door open before I could delve to deeply into my concerns. He launched himself forward and wrapped his arms around me. Crushing me to him tightly, he began to chatter in my ear.

"Thank you so much for coming, Bells. I… I know I was stupid to do what I did, but I swear, I wasn't trying to – oof!"

He gasped when I shoved him away with all my weight.

"Get off of me," I grumbled. He frowned but didn't try to embrace me again.

I stalked past him into the dingy living room. Throwing myself onto the couch, I glared up at him.

"All right, I'm here. Now explain."

"I don't even get a hello?" He teased, mocking hurt.

"Hello," I snarled. "Now _explain_."

"Is something wrong?" His joking façade was suddenly gone – his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes darkened with concern.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. How did he know me so well, even after all these years of absence?

"Bells…" His voice was softer than butter as he seated himself beside me. "He's mad about you being here, isn't he?"

"No – " I started to defend Edward, but my air choked off. Finally I sighed and nodded my head. "Mad is an understatement. Furious is closer, but even that doesn't show how much trouble I created here."

I could feel moisture budding in my eyes. I blinked quickly and turned my face away from Jacob quickly. He wasn't fooled – his thick arms entwined my shoulders and pulled me against his side. One hand stroked through my hair as I fought my tears.

"It's going to be ok, honey," He murmured to me. I gave a short, sarcastic laugh.

"I screw it up every time, Jacob. He… He told me I had to choose. Between you and him, I mean. If I came here, it meant I had chosen you."

Jake was still for a full minute. I was acutely aware of how intimate our bodies suddenly seemed. Finally he broke the silence.

"Did… Did you pick me? To be with me like that, I mean."

I was silence for a moment. Had I? Is that why I was here? My head was settled against Jacob's broad shoulder, his muscled arms wrapped around me. I felt secure and protected… But I didn't feel like I did with Edward. I loved Jake, of course, but not like I did Edward.

"I don't think so," I muttered. I had to be honest. "I care about you enough to come down here, Jake. This was the right place for me to be. I had to work everything out with you. I do love you, but not like I love Edward."

He nodded, his chin brushing the top of my head. "Okay."

I glance up in surprise. I was expecting some long, complicated defiance to my response.

"_What_?"

"Bella, I need you in my life. If it can't be how I want, well… Let's just say I would prefer to have you here as a friend than not at all. I can't let go of you completely, so I will hold on to you in whatever way I can."

Tear built up once more. I wrapped my arms securely around his neck and pulled myself close. "Thanks, Jake."

He laughed and crushed me gently to him. When I finally pulled back, he grinned over at me.

"So, does this mean I'm not in trouble anymore?"

I laugh before narrowing my eyes. "You idiot," I joke. "I had almost forgotten. There went your clean getaway. I spilled my heart – It's your turn. Explain."

He sighed and tugged his fingers through his hair. Gnawing on his lip for a moment, he began.

"It all seems sort of stupid now," he muttered. It almost looked as if a slight blush was coloring his russet skin. "I mean, at the time, I had to try. I couldn't just let you walk away." His dark eyes were somber when they met mine. "I'm sorry, Bells. I was hoping that, if your parents tried to talk you out of marrying him, you might listen. I knew I couldn't convince you, but I hoped that they could. I never did it to hurt you. It just felt like the only thing I could do, other than give up. I really am sorry, Bells."

I chewed on the inner of my cheek as I sat. It all made sense – in a stupid, male kind of way. I could see his perspective.

"I'll make it up to you, I swear," He continued, reading my silence as anger. "I… I don't know. Lifetime of servitude?"

"Alright," I finally sighed. "You're forgiven."

"Thanks, Bells."

He hugged me close again. Finally I stood. He eyed me for a moment.

"You have to get back, don't you?"

I sighed and scrunched up my face. "I have to do what I can here, Jake. See you soon?"

"Of course." He stood and walked me slowly to the door. Tugging me back against him for a brief hug, I thought I heard him whisper the words "I love you." I hugged him back – I must have just imagined it. My ears make mistakes all the time.

**~~~Edward~~~**

Let's just say it had not been the best week of my life. I had watched my brother almost loose his wife and now I had lost Bella. How had everything fallen apart so quickly? For the first time in months, things had been perfect between us. That was until that damned Jacob began to toy with her again – demanding that she go to Forks. How was it his right to call her down to his home? _I_ was the one she was marrying, not him!

_Were_ _marrying_, my mind corrected me. I cringed at that thought. It was true, though. Bella knew her options and she had chosen the other side. She had chosen to leave me. Of course I still loved her, nothing would ever be able to change that, but she clearly did not feel the same connection. If she had, she would not have left me for that… that _dog._

So I had decided, much to the horror of my sister, to let go. Let Bella leave, because, as much as I loved her, I did not want her to enter our marriage with one foot out the door. Loosing her would hurt – I had felt that pain before and I did not care to feel it again, but I knew this was the only way. Bella clearly was striving for something other than me. Since I loved her, I had to let her have what she wanted. I couldn't hold her back any longer.

So, I sat and I waited. I didn't pack her belongings nor did I call and bother her about when she would be returning. She had chosen her freedom and I had to give it to her. She could pack when she returned home, and I would say goodbye to the one thing in my world that I never thought I could exist without.

Alice's sharp voice snapped me out of my contemplations. She had been at the apartment all morning, trying to work her way in to my head. She was clearly trying to convince me to act differently than I was, but her words wouldn't do any good. I didn't have any choice here. I had to give Bella what she needed.

"Edward, please!" She almost cried. I allowed her to meet my eyes. "You aren't thinking straight! When are you going to get it through your head that she loves you?"

"Alice, I don't have an option here."

"Like hell you don't!" Her 5-month belly protruded in front of her as she slammed her hands onto her hips. "Don't you love her, Edward? Or has everything you told her been a lie?"

"Alice, you know that I do," I muttered. She was aiming below the belt. To even contemplate the idea that I didn't love Bella was sinful.

"No! I _don't_ know it! Because, from what I have seen of so-called 'love,' when you care that strongly for someone, you are willing to do _anything_ for them!"

"That's what I'm trying to do, Alice! Why can't you see that she doesn't need me? I am letting her go, because it is the best thing to do!"

"Screw that!" Color flooded her face ad she nearly quivered with anger. "She _loves _you! If she hadn't, she would never have agreed to marry you. I know Bella, and you don't seem to. Edward, she doesn't just have some crush on you – she _loves you_. Please, try to understand that!"

"If she did, she would be here right now," I challenged.

"That's not true," She snapped back. "She trusts you, Edward, more than you deserve. She trusts you to believe that she cares. Knowing Bella, she is going to come back, still loving you, still hoping that you love her."

"That's not true, Alice," My voice was defeated and weak.

"You don't love her." Alice's tones had turned icy. I began to protest her words but she cut across me before I could. "Don't bother lying and saying that you do. If you really loved her, Edward, you would have faith in her. If you honestly were in love with Bella, you would ask her what she wants, and accept whatever answer she gave to you. You wouldn't make a decision for her – you would listen to what she has to say when she gets back. But you wont do that, will you?" Her voice was practically a snarl. "No, of course you wont. You don't care about a damn thing other than yourself. You are so blind to everything around you; you can't even see how much your going to loose."

"Alice – "

"No! I don't want to hear any of your bullshit, Edward. You either pull your head out and see the light, or stay out of my life too. If you don't care about Bella, if you break my best friend's heart… Well, then _I _will be the one walking away, Edward."

"Alice, I'm not trying to hurt her."

"I don't care if you _try_ to hurt her or not. If she is hurt, it's your fault, accidental or not. Don't screw this up."

"I don't have a choice, Ally."

Her eyes darkened and she snapped away from me. She made her way out of the living room. Stopping in the doorframe, she whipped around to face me.

"Don't bother showing up when the baby comes. I don't want you there. I'm done with the shit you're causing, Edward. I don't want you to be near me or my son."

"You're having a boy?"

She scoffed angrily. "Don't come, Edward. You're not part of my life."

**~~~Bella~~~**

The door creaked open. It was after ten and I wasn't sure if Edward was still awake. Last thing I wanted was for him to be tired and grumpy when we talked.

"Edward?" I called softly.

Hurried footsteps came to meet me in the entryway. I shut the apartment door softly behind me.

"Bella…" He stammered.

"Hey," I grumbled. At least he didn't look angry. "Look, I know that you didn't want me to go, but I – "

"I know," He cut across. "Bella, I fully understand."

"You… You do?"

"Of course. I had once told you that I would never make you choose. I'm sorry for breaking my word to you, but Bella, you did choose him. I understand that you feel for him. I truly just want you to be happy, Isabella."

"Wait, _what_? Edward, what are you talking about?"

"You love him," he stated simply. My mouth was agape in horror. I felt as if my eyes might drop from their sockets.

"No, I _don't_! Not like I love you. Edward, please, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just left like that. I'm sorry, really, but please, Edward, you can't do this. Just let me explain!"

"There isn't anything to explain, Bella!" He sighed in frustration. "How can I make you see? I am letting you go, Bella. You chose him and I wont hold you back from that decision."

"Edward!" My voice was shaking – I could feel myself ready to shatter. I never thought he had meant it. If I had, I never would have gone to Forks. "Edward, please, listen to me. I am in love with you, Edward."

"No, you aren't. Not really."

"Like hell I'm not!" I could feel ready sobs building in my chest. "Edward, you can't make me not love you! That isn't up to you!"

"I don't want us to get married if you are only halfway in," he murmured.

"I'm not in _anything_ halfway! I have been with you for years! You think I would spend my life with anyone I don't truly care about? Edward, please, just listen to what I am saying!"

"Bella, I'm not doing this for me. I need you to understand that. I can see that you don't truly want to stay with me – If you did, you would have when you had the chance."

"Edward…"

"I'll let you pack up your thins at your own pace. This is the right thing to do, Bella. I know it is."

Slowly, still in shock, I turned from him and left the apartment. I got in my car, and drove to Alice's. From the look on her face when she opened the door, I could tell she already knew.

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**So, what did you think? Leave me a review and get a sneak peek! Tweet me up at /beckaboowriter**

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**


	34. Silently

**I was completely unforgivable about this chapter - it took way too long to write something this length. Please love me still! I had to make a lot of important decisions in this chapter and, even though you might not see the importance yet, I promise that the significant hints are tucked in there. If you think you know what I am talking about with my hints, let me know! As always, read and (please!) review! **

**DISCLAIMER! IMPORTANT: Jacob has a bit of a dirty mouth when he gets mad. I apologize in advance for the swearing that happens but, with Jacob, it is unavoidable. I will limit it as much as possible. Sorry!**

**

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~~~Alice~~~**

"How'd it go?" Jasper's voice called out to me as I slammed the door shut.

I marched silently into the living room, ripped my coat of and discarded it on a chair. I could feel the tension, anger and frustration rolling off of me in waves. Jasper stood from the couch quickly and approached slowly.

"Alice, calm down," He murmured. I wasn't sure _what_ emotion was flashing on my face, but it seemingly had him worried.

I turned away, my back facing him, as I tried to gasp air in through my clenched teeth. His fingers braced against my shoulders, massaging with a soothing pressure.

"How – " I gasped. "How _could _he, Jasper? How could he do that to Bella? After everything she has done, after all this time, I – I – "

Words were failing me, although I continued to try to voice my furies. My voice was rasping slightly with the tension rocking through me. Finally, Jasper's pleading coos in my ear were enough to calm me slightly. I sucked air in deeply and snapped my arms across my belly. His arm mirrored mine, clasping our hands across my stomach.

"I know," he murmured softly to me. "Edward is… stubborn."

I snorted under my breath.

"I know that is putting it lightly, darling," Jasper conceded. "But more than that, he is blind to himself. You, his sister, know that. You've seen it. It was bound to catch up with him sooner or later. All we can do is hope that he can fix it before it's too late."

I moaned and turned around, wrapping myself around him. My distorted stomach caused our bodies to stick apart slightly, but he embraced me tightly all the same.

"I know you want to fix everything, but this is out of your hands. _Please_, try to remember that, darlin'."

"I just don't get it, Jazz. I don't know how he can possibly be _this _close to having her… and just let it all go."

Jasper shifted slightly within my embrace; he seemed suddenly uncomfortable.

I tilted my face up to his. "What?"

Jasper seemed to be contemplating whatever words were gnawing at him. Finally, he released a breath and peered down at me.

"It's just, Alice, maybe it's not Edward's fault."

My brows shot into my hairline.

"Excuse me?" I snarled.

"I know you adore Bella and all, but try to look at this logically. Bella was given the option and this is what _she _chose. If you kept running off to see some guy that had the hots for you, would you really expect me to be fine with that?"

My anger was quickly bubbling towards the surface once more.

"Yes, I would," I snapped. "So you are saying that it is fine for Edward to just dump her? Is that what _you_ would do, Jasper?"

He sighed and brushed my cheek softly. I attempted to hide the effect his touch had on me, but it was hard to keep my scowl.

"You're misinterpreting me, darling." He cracked a smile. I rolled my eyes and softened in response. "Imagine it the other way round, if you must. Say I had some ex-girlfriend I repeatedly visited. You would be bothered, wouldn't you?"

My silence was as good an answer as any.

"Well, say that you finally gave me an ultimatum – you or her. I feel that you would react similarly to Edward, if we were in that situation."

I groaned and collapsed back into him. He stroked my hair softly as I slowly realized how true his words were. I was quickly becoming ashamed of what I had told Edward – I would have to right that before Jasper knew. I reached one hand to the back of his neck and locked my fingers tightly in the golden curls that brushed against it. Pulling him down to me, I pressed my lips against his fiercely. Having watched both of my sibilings' relationships totter on the edge of destruction this past week had increasingly built my tension – maybe it was due to my currently raging hormones, but I felt as if I was headed towards a nuclear meltdown any moment.

Jasper's kisses, the feel of his hands against my waist, drained the tension from my body. My shoulders relaxed; the weight of my child didn't seem as straining as it had before. I sighed against his lips softly before tucking my head into his chest. He stilled and engulfed me gently in his embrace.

I stayed beside him as we moved to the couch. One arm tucked me into his side. We sat in silence, our breaths slow, even and matched. It was only when the buzzer rang that I finally moved. I glanced at Jasper, my eyes tightening with worry. He kissed my temple softly and I stood. I knew that my fighting had not worked to convince Edward. When I opened the door, Bella's blank, empty face met me. I embraced her in silence before allowing her into the apartment. She walked past Jasper, to the guest bedroom. The door snapped shut behind her and I heard her click the lock into place.

She hadn't said a word. No explanation was needed.

**~~~Bella~~~**

When I woke up the next morning, I felt humiliated. What was I _thinking_, going there? Alice and Jasper had enough on their plates at that time. I really should have found somewhere else to spend the night. I just knew that Alice wouldn't press me to explain. I had wanted silence – that was something that I knew I could get here. It had been complete silence since I had arrived. After my fight with Edward, the soft quiet was euphonic to my ears.

I finally pulled myself off of the twin bed and stretched. It was strange – this pain wasn't like last time. There were no water works from me, no painful cries or horrifying nightmares. I had finally reached the point I knew was coming all along. I had known from the start that Edward and I would eventually crumble. The whole "I'm setting you free" thing… well, who _hadn't_ heard that one before? It was a break up, pure and simple. And, although I knew that the ache that was twisting in my chest would never disappear, I was calm. I had given myself time to configure my thoughts. Now they were settled. Edward would, eventually find someone he cared for more than for me. That wasn't hard to imagine – any girl in their right mind would say yes to him.

As for myself, I was less confident. I didn't know exactly where I was headed. Back to what I used to be, I suppose, except for the searing pain that I had recently acquired. I couldn't picture myself beside anyone except Edward and I couldn't see myself healing. This was just a new state of permance for myself. I would have to accept that fact and move forward.

As I began to move to the door, my stomach lurched with nausea. I gasped and doubled over, my hand clutching to my stomach. I focused on an intake of air as I willed my stomach to calm down. It did and I exhaled in relief. It was strange – why the random stomach flu symptom? I shook it off and walked to the door.

Alice and Jasper would want answers, as would everyone else. I shut my eyes, relishing slightly in the aching pain that was ripping through my chest. At least it let me know that he was real, that he had been a part of my heart.

I opened the door. Not a moment later, Alice had embraced me and tugged me over to the couch. The tears built up silently as I leaned into her. Jasper sat stoically with a box of tissues resting on his knee.

I knew this was it – this was my new normal.

**~~~Jacob~~~**

"He _what_?"

Fury thundered through my veins. How the _hell_ could he do that to her? Give up on Bella… It was fucking insane!

"Calm down, Jacob," Alice snapped. "I don't have time for it. I just figured that you should know. It is, after all, because of you."

How could she suggest that? All I did, all I had ever done, was try to help Bella! To be there when Edward wasn't, when no one was. I never did anything to hurt Bella. This was _not_ because of me.

"How is this my fault?" I demanded.

"Take a millisecond to figure it out. I am sure you can put the pieces together. I have to go. Bella needs me."

"How is she? Bella… Is she okay?"

There was a beat of silence. My frustration with the midget ebbed – this wasn't her fault. I could feel her tension and worry about Bella. She wasn't the enemy in this situation.

"No, Jacob," She murmured. "She isn't. She needs time from you… I'm sorry. Just… just give her some space, all right?"

"Wait, space from me? Why? What – "

"Please, Jacob." She sounded close to tears. "I'll call you when there is anything for you to know. Just give her the time she needs. I'm sorry."

The line went dead. I could feel a raging fire beginning to course through my veins again. That… that _bastard_. Whether Bella wanted to see me or not, I was not letting Edward get away with this. He had hurt her enough before – I was there to see it. I had sworn to myself then that if he ever did this to her again, I would take things into my own hands – literally. And I planned on it.

I grabbed my keys and stormed into the pouring rain. My shitty car rumbled to life and I floored it. It was time for me to make an appearance in Portland. And, if the bastard wouldn't make this right, then he would regret the day he ever walked away for the rest of his life. If for no other reason, then because he would probably miss his balls.

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**Well... there you have it. We will probably have about 5-8 chapters left in this story. I am eager to build on an idea I have for another story, plus the sequel! I love you guys! Send me a review and you will get a sneak peak!**

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	35. Testosterone

**After the ridiculous amount of time it took me to post, I am not going to bore you with an ultra-long author's note. In essence, I received a hefty part in a production and it totally ate up my time. I should be back on track now - hopefully I will have another chapter out within the next couple of days. I love you! Read and review darlings!**

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**~~~Bella~~~**

"All right, that is everything." The landlady snapped her folder shut on the papers I had just signed. I continued to stare blankly at the maple desk until Alice gave a none-to-gentle stab to my ribs. My head shot up and I attempted a smile towards the polished, cold woman across from me.

"Thanks," I muttered. "I can move in today, right?"

The woman simpered. "Yes, Miss Swan, as soon as you would like. Here are the keys to the apartment." She held them out. Alice nudged me again and I extended my hand. The silver metal dropped into my palm and I stuffed it into the worn pocket of my jeans. I grimaced in a pathetic mockery of a smile. The woman fidgeted nervously and stood. She ushered the two of us out of the room. Alice twined her arm around me and directed me out of the building.

"How are you feeling?" She murmured. I shrugged. While I couldn't pull myself out from my dark mood, I felt a twinge of guilt for being such a burden upon Alice. She had been incredibly helpful throughout the week that had passed since Edward and I broke up. The nausea that was tearing at me wasn't improving, but she remained compassionate; Alice had gone so far as to hold my hair back. I hadn't told her the reason behind my sickness yet. I wasn't ready for anyone to know. I was hardly ready to know it myself.

Alice had not only pulled multiple strings to find me a decent but cheap apartment only a few blocks from her own residence, but she called Jacob for me this morning. It was a relief to know that I wouldn't have to face him any time soon.

My guilt had built up within me as the days had passed.

"Alice, I –" I started to apologize as we walked to her car. She smiled and locked her hand with mine.

"It's fine," She murmured. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks," I muttered.

"So, Bella, about your stuff. It's still at Edward's apartment." I tried to not cringe when she said his name, but I could feel the pain flash across my face. This did not go unnoticed by Alice.

"I could pick it up for you," she offered. I was shaking my head before she even finished her sentence.

"No. Just… just call him and let him know I'll be coming over. That way he can clear out before I get there. I don't want to bother him."

"Bella, maybe it would be good if…" She trailed off, clearly regretting whatever she was about to say.

"What?"

She sighed and glanced up at me. "Well, maybe it would be good if you two saw each other. Talked it out a bit, now that things have calmed down some."

"I can't, Alice." My voice was hoarse and low. "I can't try to force him into it again. I just wasn't the one and that's not going to change. I know you want it all to be great again, but it's not going to happen."

My tears had begun to fall once again. Alice stood silently for a moment before wrapping her arms around me. Her embrace was intensely comforting and I hugged her back tightly.

"I'll call," She murmured. I nodded my thanks. "And I will be there today. Rosalie, too. You don't have to do everything by yourself."

**~~~Edward~~~**

"Edward?"

I sighed in relief at the sound of my sister's voice. I clutched the phone tighter to my ear.

"Alice!"

"Edward, I… I wanted to apologize. Of course, I don't like what you did, but it's not up to me to decide. I talked to Jasper and… well, I guess I'm trying to say that I am really sorry. And that I want you there when… when the baby comes."

My eyes pricked slightly with the possibility of tears.

"I… Thank you, Alice."

"You're welcome."

The silence between us lasted a few moments. Alice spoke again before it could become uncomfortable.

"Also, Bella wants to come by and get her things. She will be there around four, so if you could…"

"Of course. I wont be here. I need to be at the hospital, anyways." I attempted to sound less pitiful than I was. I hadn't been to work in a week – ever since Bella and I separated.

It was so hard to function without her. I didn't know how I would keep myself away this afternoon, but I promised Alice all the same. Once hanging up, I could feel emotion building inside of me. It would be impossible to stay away – already I was mulling over a chance encounter – maybe I could fake an illness, or just say that I was running late. I laughed harshly at myself. Had I sunk so far? Yes, I had.

But I had to be away, if for nothing else, than for my continuous compassion for Bella. Above all else, I had to be gone when she arrived for her sake – save her the aggravation of dealing with me… and save myself the pain. The aching, crushing agony that already clouded me was enough. I couldn't bear much more.

**~~~Jacob~~~**

I had the address, thanks to the Christmas cards Bella and I had exchanged over the years. It would be no problem getting to the bastard's kick-ass apartment. I was more strung-up on what I would do when I get there. Beat him senseless? I couldn't see Bella too happy about that one. Yell, scream, and fight for the guy to take back the girl I loved? No. I couldn't bring myself to do that, either.

So, still lacking a game plan, I continued on my way to Portland. The drive was long and traffic was worse than usual – it might have had something to do with the sleeting rain that was drenching the city. Eventually, my car trudged to a halt in front of the glossy apartment complex. Sprinting from my car after sparing a glance at my clock – it was just a few minutes till 4:00– I caught the front door to the complex before it could swing shut behind a stout woman. Shaking my shaggy hair, water droplets splattered onto the glossed floors. I squelched across the lobby, my fury building inside of me as I pictured Bella here. After jamming my finger against the illuminated button, I loaded myself onto the elevator, scrapping the edge of my shoes against the elevator wall, trying to remove some of the damp grime from them.

Finally, on the highest floor, the doors opened. I froze after stepping out. The door began to open as I gaped stupidly. _What the hell am I doing here? _I silently screamed at myself. This was a mistake… I shouldn't have…

My regrets evaporated as I took in the form leaving the apartment in front of me. Edward stepped out, clicking the door shut behind him. He had dark circles under his eyes but, besides that, looked as polished and collected as ever. Lividity rose up in me, swallowing me whole. He looked as if nothing was wrong, as if his world was not distrupted in the slightest. He had pratically killed Bella emotionally and ehre he stood, staring at me in confusion, dressed in a suit. It was just another day to him.

"Jacob, get out of here." he growled.

"Fuck you," I spat. "Do you have _any_ idea what you have done to her?"

He laughed harshly. "_Me?_ Are you that stupid? I did everything I could. If it weren't for a certain _pest_ in the way," he threw me a pointed look, "I would have managed fine."

That snapped my control. I suddenly launched forward and swung my fist forward. Edward, having seen the violent resolve build in my eyes, snapped his arm back and caught my own. I swung the other forward and it collided with his jaw. He staggered backwards for and stared blankly at me for a moment. Before I could catch my breath from the sudden rush of adrenaline, his eyes darkened and face contorted. We were suddenly struggling, brawling, battering and bruising each other wherever we could reach. I hated to admit it, but he was stronger than I figured and my gut ached as his fist pummeled into it.

I heard an elevator door open behind me and I glanced over. Horror washed over me as I took in Bella's pained face. Edward's fist took advantage of my distraction – the side of my head stung with sharp pain. I moved to retaliate but, before I could, Bella's slender hand yanked my arm down.

"Stop it! _Stop it!_" Bella was screaming.

"Bella, get back," snarled Edward, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her behind him. Much to my pleasure, she wretched away from his touch.

"Don't touch me!" She voice cracked as she screamed. "What the hell were you thinking?"

He froze and the anger drained from his form.

"Bella, I…" He murmured, taking a step towards her, one hand outstretched. She slapped it back fiercely and gave a harsh laugh.

"I can't believe you, Edward! How could you have let this happen?"

"I didn't… Bella, please…" He sounded nearly as upset as she. I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, a third party in the situation.

"I don't want to hear your excuses. Get away from me," She snarled. I started to crack a smirk, which earned me a murderous glare from Bella. "And you," her eyes were blazing with pain and fury. "You ruined everything."

"What?" How had _I_ ruined anything? She had picked the wrong guy, but that wasn't my fault.

"Get out of here. Now." Her tears built up again; this time they began to stain her cheeks.

I turned away, murmuring, "I'm sorry, Bells," as I did and shoved myself onto an open elevator. How had this all gotten so out of hand?

**Bella POV**

Edward kept his eyes on Jacob until the elevator doors closed. I watched, my hands contorted into shaking fists, pain giving me the need to force back my raking sobs. I wanted to hit something, anything. Get this fury, this pain, and this hurt out. Hurt something else; let them feel it instead of me.

Edward turned back to me. He took two hurried steps towards me before freezing once more.

"I shouldn't have acted like that, Bella. I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you punched," I snapped. The sarcasm felt good.

"But you are the one that I hurt. I… I never meant to cause problems for you."

I laughed loudly. He had crated so many problems, some more than he ever knew. It was too late to fix any of them… I couldn't take back the day I met him. I couldn't erase the time I spent with him, or our moments together that had lead to my current situation.

My palm traveled to my abdomen.

"It's too late, Edward." My voice shuddered as I began to shake once again. How would I be able to deal with everything… alone? "I need you to leave. Now. Please."

His eyes blazed for a moment, the way they used to, moments before his lips would lower to mine. But instead of moving closer, he simply nodded. His face froze over to an icy, blank mask. He turned away and disappeared onto the lift. He was gone and I was alone.

I lowered my gaze to my stomach, my hand still pressed gently onto it.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered before putting up my façade. Alice would be here any minute with the boxes and tape and I had to be normal. So, unlocking the door of the apartment, I stepped in, ready to pack up my old life.

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**Well, there you have it! What did you think? Leave me a comment and let me know!**

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	36. Man and Wife

**A new chapter! Oh my goodness! Beckaboowriter hasn't fallen off the face of the planet! It's a miracle!**

**I am so sorry, to all of you. This will be the last time it takes me this long to post, I promise! I love you guys. Thanks for reading, now go enjoy it!**

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**~~~Bella~~~**

"Rosalie… Can you come in here for a sec? I need some help," I called into the other room. I was straining to reach my books on the top shelf of the bookcase; lacking Rosalie's height, it was proving difficult.

Rosalie strolled down the hall towards me, chuckling slightly as she saw me scowl at the top shelf. She easily snagged my books, tossing them down to me as she did. I seated myself on the floor. I shoved the books into the cardboard box beside me and let out a deep sigh.

It was strange; somewhere in between seeing Edward and Jacob fighting and packing up my belongings, I had accepted my situation. It wasn't comfortable yet – I wasn't sure if I could ever truly accept this new life. But I had realized where I was and who I am. I was my own person, a separate entity from anyone else. The harsh pain that twisted through my stomach as I thought of Edward no longer caused self-revulsion. I was thankful for what I had before and I would learn to live this new chapter of my existence.

"Bella?" Rosalie's voice cut through my pensive. My head shot up and I raised my eyebrows. "Bella, are you all right?"

I nodded silently. I wasn't yet, but I would be eventually. I had to be.

Her blond locks tickled my cheek as she seated herself beside me. One arm wrapped protectively around my shoulders and I willingly rested against her. The ebb and flow of excruciating pain throughout the last week had exhausted me.

"It's ok, babe," she murmured.

"I know."

"Do you think that, after a while…" Rosalie trailed off. I ignored her words and supplied a question of my own.

"How about you, Rose? I've barely talked to you or Emmett since… Well, how is everything going?"

She smiled sweetly. "You can say it, Bella. I know what I did."

"I know," I grumbled, my cheeks flaring. "I just don't know how to say… it."

"I tried to kill myself, honey. Simple as that." She gave a harsh laugh and I cringed slightly at her blunt words. "I'm doing all right. I have private therapy three days a week, plus two that Emmett comes with for. It's not… easy. But it's helping. I… I'm thankful to be away from there. It was horrible – you can't even begin to imagine how…" Her voice chocked slightly and I hugged her tightly.

"I pulled through it," she murmured to me. "I know you can stand through this."

"Not without you and Alice…" I whispered. She didn't realize just how much genuine fear radiated in those words. Once she knew… I knew it could be too much for her to handle.

"We aren't going anywhere."

"Not yet," I muttered.

Rosalie tilted her head back and cocked it to the side.

"There's something you're not telling me." There was no doubt in her voice, so I nodded meekly.

"Tell me, Bella. Please…"

"I'm so sorry, Rosalie," I started. My voice wretched with the sharp pain that stabbed through me; suddenly I was sobbing and she was clutching me against her shoulder.

"I didn't mean to and he doesn't even know, so please, don't be mad at him," I choked.

"Bella, are you… pregnant?"

I nodded, unable to find my voice through my tears. Rosalie stiffened slightly but didn't release me.

"It's ok, Bella," she whispered. One hand clutched me on the back of my head while the other supported my back. My shaking body slumped against her.

"Bella," Alice called from the other room. Her voice grew closer as she approached until she cut off. "Bella, I found some pictures and I don't know if – "

"Rosalie?" she questioned. I felt Rosalie tilt her head towards Alice – the silent communication that passed between them might as well have been spoken aloud. I knew what was happening anyway.

Without a word, Alice crossed to my other side, seated herself and tucked her legs in. Her willowy arms encircled my neck and she rested her head against my shoulder.

I continued to cry. They continued to care.

**~~~Alice~~~**

"I can't believe it," Jasper muttered.

I was snuggled against his side on the couch; one long arm twined around my shoulders to rest against my stomach.

"How… How could Edward do that while she is… in that condition?"

I shrugged. "Don't quote me on this, but I don't think he knows. I know my brother. He can be the biggest pain in the ass sometimes, but he isn't a complete jerk. He is, when it comes down to it, a gentleman. I know he wouldn't have left if he knew."

"It doesn't change the fact that I want to kick his ass," Jasper grumbled darkly. I smirked slightly. Jasper was rarely this angry.

Burying my face against his chest, I fought back the pressing emotions that were threatening to overcome me. Jasper fully encircled me in his arms, holding me tightly, hushing me softly.

"Promise me something. Alli," He whispered against my hair. I nodded. "I need you to focus on you. I know you love Bella, but right now, you need to be your own first priority. I will take care of Bella. You know I think of her as a sister just as much as you do. I owe her a lot for what she's done for us; this will make it up to her. But you can't keep having this trauma."

I nodded again before reaching my lips to his. He kissed me gently as time ticked past. Finally he pulled back. I pressed my lips under his jaw and trailed down his neck.

"Alice…" He murmured. I could tell he had something to say and was not speaking my name out of passion. I paused. " Alice, I applied for our marriage license. We can get married in three days."

I couldn't move or speak. My heart thundered heavily and my breath hitched on each intake.

"I… I'm sorry, Alice, maybe I should have asked you first? I thought that you wouldn't mind."

I grinned widely and let out a laugh. "Mind? Not in the slightest."

I swung one leg over his lap so I straddled his waist. Delving my hands into his hair, I forced my lips against his, pulling him closer than I thought possible.

My world was filled with him and now, finally, he would truly be mine.

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"Are you sure you can't make it?" I whined, pacing back and forth across the bedroom floor.

"Alice, I told you. I don't think it's a good idea for me to go. Not right now."

"It's my wedding, Bella. I need you there." My words were preceded by an exasperated huff.

"I'll be there for the real one later. These are just the technicalities."

"But, Bella, this-"

"I know it's important! You think I don't want to be there? I do! But I just can't. Not now. I can't see him yet."

Bella's voice trembled. Guilt settled over me and I regretted pecking at her so incessantly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. I could hear her crying on the other end of the line. I wish I could have embraced her.

"I understand, sweetheart. I love you. See you soon, all right?"

She grunted a thick consent and ended the call.

I seated myself on the corner of the bed. I blinked my eyes quickly, trying not to let my mascara get wet. Crying and having to redo my makeup now would be fatal.

"You know," I muttered down to my enlarged stomach. "You and I? We could have gotten it a lot worse. I think we're pretty lucky to have Jasper."

Something small and hard twitched against the inside of my stomach. I tugged my shirt up, snapping my hand to where I had felt the movement. The baby kicked again, his foot pressing firmly against my hand.

"Jasper!" I yelped. "Jasper get in here!"

I could hear his feet trotting down the hall and he burst into the room, looking frantic.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

I laughed. "Nothing, babe. Come here." He walked forward slowly, eyeing me with confusion. I snatched his had as soon as it was within reach and pressed it firmly against the spot where the baby had just kicked. We both sat in anticipatory silence for a moment, Jasper's eyes wary and hesitant. Then I felt the movement again and Jasper gasped softly. He pressed his full palm against my stomach, relishing in the movement of our child.

"That's our baby," he murmured. "Alice, that is _our _baby."

I smiled. He pressed his lips tenderly to my forehead.

"Now finish getting ready, Al. It wouldn't serve us well to be late to our own marriage.

**~~~Jasper~~~**

Our families stood in a cluster behind us, hands linked between couples, the women teary eyed. I couldn't take my eyes off the pixie in front of me, despite any distraction my family could provide. Her eyes were glistening with tears as she fingered the silver band on her thumb that would, within moments, slip onto my ring finger.

The official stopped his words and nodded towards Alice. She beamed at him and carefully tugged my ring off of her thumb. Never dropping her eyes from mine, she took up my left hand and began to speak the vows we had chosen.

"I, Alice Cullen, take you, Jasper Whitlock, to be my lawfully wedded husband, secure in the knowledge that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

Her slender fingers slid the ring onto my finger. It was all I could do to not pick her up and swing her around; my heart had never felt so light.

I removed Alice's wedding ring from my smallest finger and softly lifted her hand.

"I, Jasper Whitlock, take you, Alice Cullen, to be my lawfully wedded wife, knowing in my heart that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love. I promise to love you without reservation, honor and respect you, provide for your needs as best I can, protect you from harm, comfort you in times of distress, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

The ring glided across her finger to meet the sparkling diamond that already rested there. Alice's eyes were tumultuous orbs, radiant and filled with tears that were just starting to leak over the rims. I kept my eyes locked on hers, hardly hearing the words that the official spoke.

"I know pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

I grinned at this final statement, and swooped Alice into my arms, lifting her off her feet and pressing my lips against hers. She was laughing and crying, knotting her fingers in my hair. We broke apart as I set her down. I latched my hand in hers and we turned to face our family, as man and wife.

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**All righty! There you have it! There will be a more formal wedding later on (maybe the sequel?) but as you all know, Jasper wanted the baby to have a true family. Go Jasper! Now leave me some love!**

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	37. Savior

**Guys! We made it to 400 reviews! Can you believe it? THANK YOU all so so much for taking the time to read and review this story. It truly means the world to me.**

** So, here is Ch. 37! I hope you all love it! Pretty please drop me a review?**

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**~~~Bella~~~**

I wished that Alice were here. The silence was maddening. I knew that she was busy, both with Jasper and with preparations for the baby. All the same, I could feel a suffocating air settling over me as the days passed. It had been five days since the wedding; I figured that se was still upset for me not going. That would explain why I hadn't heard from her.

My stomach growled with hunger. I contemplated getting up, but the fatigue and pain that continually slammed into me banished any thought of movement. Hunger had gnawing at my stomach for the past few days, but any thought of actually eating turned my stomach in flips. My stomach snarled again and I rolled onto my front, pressing my face into a pillow.

I was empty and blank; the pain hadn't waned in the slightest, instead, my body seemed to have shut down as a defense mechanism. There was no hole through my chest; I _was_ the hole. There was just an empty gap where Bella Swan had previously resided.

A muffled clang hammered my eardrums through the pillows. My head shot up for a moment and stared at the closed bedroom door.

I wanted to answer the door; part of me was striving for human contact. I couldn't, however, seem to lift my heavy body from the cotton sheets that were tangled around my legs. My limbs felt shaky and weak as my stomach snarled within me once again. I strained to forced myself up, but the effort was too much. I dropped my face down, burying myself back into the pillows.

My eyes slid shut, sucking me into the exhaustion that seemed to grow heavier with each passing day that I starved myself. I was becoming drowsy once more when my bedroom door slammed open. I screeched loudly, leaping up and backwards, dragging the sheets with me. My heart was thundering in my chest as I slowly raised my eyes away from my shaking hands, to look at my intruder.

The fear was replaced with relief, confusion and overwhelming gratitude.

Standing in the doorways, his eyebrows furrowed with genuine concern and heartfelt compassion, was Jasper. I leapt up from the bed and moved to embrace him.

My quivering body, however, disagreed with my motives. My legs shook as a plague of dizziness slammed into my head. I grabbed the edge of the bed, trying to stabilize my body, but it was nothing against the enclosing darkness. I turned my head towards him as the black enshrouded my vision. The last thing I saw was Jasper rushing forward to catch my falling body. I never hit the floor.

* * *

When my eyes opened, I was laying across the small couch in my living room, all my limbs carefully set so as to keep me enclosed on the petite space. I sat up slowly, expecting to see Jasper somewhere, but the room was deserted.

"Jasper?" I called out, embarrassed by how weak my voice sounded.

"Just a minute, Bells!" He hollered from my kitchen. I made to stand up but, as if reading my intention, Jasper called out "Stay put! I'll be there in a minute. I'm making you something to eat."

I sighed and plopped back onto the couch. My head felt thick and foggy still; I could feel my hands shaking as I intertwined my fingers.

I didn't know what had compelled Jasper to come over, but I appreciated his presence, no matter what the reason.

A slight blush tinted my cheeks. _What must he think of me? _I was embarrassed. Poor guy walks into the room, I scream like a maniac, leap out of my bed, and pass out. It was mostly stupidity on my part. I haven't eaten anything for the past 6 days; jumping around wasn't the wisest decision. I figure that I was lucky that he caught me before I hit the ground. The last thing I needed was a purple bruise on my forehead.

_God damn it!_ How had it gotten to this? Ever since I moved into my new apartment, the desolation that had previously merely tickled the back of my mind now suffocated me with its force.

I was alone. Entirely alone. The horror and aching pain that radiated throughout my body had taken over; I gave up trying to fight it. It's not that I wanted to die, exactly, just that I didn't particularly care for living. It was too much pain, letdown and trauma.

I couldn't fight anymore. I was spent.

Jasper's footsteps announced his appearance. He seated himself on the couch with me and dragged the coffee table in front of me a bit closer, settling a steaming plate of food on it. I stayed put, my eyes avoiding him and the food, for a moment.

"How'd you get in?" I asked bluntly.

He smirked. "Alice had a copy of your key made."

I rolled my eyes. Not surprising.

"Eat," he commanded.

With a sigh, I picked the plate off of the table and stabbed at a piece of egg with a fork. I shoved it into my mouth. The presence of food in my system made me crave more; I began to rapidly wolf down the eggs and toast on the plate.

"Easy there, soldier," Jasper chuckled. "Take it slow. I don't want you getting sick."

I nodded silently and steadied my pace. Only once I finished my meal did Jasper speak.

"You haven't been eating," he muttered. I shrugged. "Bella, I know that this is tough, but you can _not_ let yourself – "

"Stop it," I muttered. He froze, one hand resting on my shoulder. "I'm not sick, and I am not dying. Don't treat me like I am."

"Bella, look at me." Jasper seemed unfazed by my foul mood.

I didn't meet his eyes. Before I could register the shock, Jasper had taken hold of my chin and forced my face to look at his. I forced back a scowl as I looked at him. His eyes were soft and kind; I saw no judgments forming there. My irrational anger faded out, leading me back to guilt and pain.

"I _know_ that you are hurting, Bella. You don't have to hide it; I can see it in your eyes. It's ok, Bella," He muttered, seeing my anger disappear.

"Why are you here?" My question was blunt but soft.

"Isn't this what family does? We support each other." Registering my confusion, he continued. "Bella, you and Rosalie are as close to sisters as Alice has ever had. I would do anything for either of you, because you matter so much to my wife. Not to say that I don't care for you within my own right, because I do. You are a sweet girl, Bella. You have been from the minute I met you. And you helped me more than I can ever thank you for. You took care of Alice for me when I wasn't there, and you helped me resolve the biggest mistakes of my life.

"You saved Alice and you saved me. I owe you my sanity, if not my life. If this is what I am meant to do, help you, then that is what I will do. In short, Bella, I am going to be here for you, through thick and thin. Understand me?"

My body was quivering again, bombarded by the heavy emotions rolling through me. My eyes were swimming with tears as I nodded my head. I feel into Jasper's waiting embrace, my face pressed into his shoulder. I cried, more heavily, more painfully, than I had ever before. I felt as if I would have drowned in my emotions, if it weren't for Jasper, holding me there, keeping me safe.

He was there. Right then, that was all I needed.

As I controlled my tears and leaned away, Jasper kept his arm around me. I was quivering from head to foot. This was the first time that the rising crescendo of emotions inside of me had released itself. The force of my pain terrified part of me; another section of me was relieved.

"You haven't been eating," Jasper muttered, repeating his words form earlier. I nodded this time. "And you aren't sleeping much either, are you?"

I shook my head. "I don't like the nightmares."

Jasper didn't question. He merely nodded, stroking a hand over my hair.

"Bella, I want to be able to talk to you, but you need to sleep first."

My breathing increased. I couldn't go back to the nightmares – even when awake, they haunted me. I couldn't let more of them come. I shook my head and felt my brow furrow. Tears began to build in my eyes again. "Please…" I croaked. "I can't, Jasper. Please don't…"

"It's fine, Bella," he hushed. "I'll stay here. I'll keep an eye on you, and I'll wake you up if you seem upset while your sleeping. I promise."

I sucked in a deep breath and, unable to resist the kind command coming from his eyes, I relented. I nodded slowly. I stood and he rose with me. He smiled and pulled me against his chest once more. I wrapped my arms around him for a moment, squeezing him tightly.

"Thank you," I whispered against his chest. "I… I can't do this all alone." He merely strengthened his grip around me.

"I'm going to take care of you, Bella. You are _not_ alone in this. I promise."

With Jasper a mere step behind me, making sure that I was stable on my feet, I shuffled to my bedroom. I hunkered down in the blankets. Jasper tucked them around me softly, brushed my hair off of my face, and shut off the light. For the first time in over a week, my body slipped off into sleep.

**~~~Jasper~~~**

Shit. Bella looked like she had spent the past week in a concentration camp. The circles under her eyes made her large eyes seem sunken in her face. Her skin had grown sickly pale. There was no life in her eyes – all of the sparkle and shimmer that had previously existed was gone.

As I sat beside her on the bed, watching her sleep, pity washed over me. This poor girl - she was curled into a ball, her knees practically hugged to her chest as she slept. Her pouted face and curled body made her seem even more petite and youthful than she normally appeared. She resembled a beaten child, one who's every reason for existence had been removed. And it was true – Edward had been her life and soul. I knew the feeling well; I had become so accustomed to Alice, I could no longer survive without her presence. I saw then that it was entirely the same for Bella. She was dying without Edward. Her detrimental and unstable emotions were undermining her natural sense to keep her body healthy. By being so distraught, she was slowly killing herself.

Carefully, so as to not stir Bella's sleeping form, I stood from the bed and pulled my cell phone from my pocket. I dialed Alice's cell and, judging by the speed that she answered, she had been waiting beside it.

"How is she?" She asked, before I could get a word out.

I sucked in a breath, stalling for a moment, before I spoke. "Not good, sweetheart. She… she is disturbed. She hadn't eaten in days and I don't think she has slept much either. It's a good thing she is resting now. Truth be told, Alli, she looks like hell. I've never seen Bella break down like she did."

Alice was silent for a moment. "All right, Jasper, I know you want me to focus on myself and the baby and all, but I can't just keep away from her!"

I knew she would want to become involved – it was impossible for Alice to keep her hands away when help was needed. I was concerned, however, about how the situation would effect her. I didn't want her to worry herself into trouble.

"Al," I pleaded. "Look, I know you love her, but please, _please_ try not to worry. I've got it under control."

"It's not a matter of having it under control, Jazz!" Her voice was sharp and indignant on the other end of the line. "It's a matter of me being her best friend! It's my responsibility to take care of her. It's my _job_. I know you don't agree, but Jasper, with or without your consent, I _will _see her."

"I never said that I didn't want you to see her!" I snapped back. "I just don't want you wrapping yourself up in this! I can deal with it just fine."

"I'll be fine! Please, Jasper…" Her tone softened. I could practically see her large orbs staring at me pleadingly as she spoke. "Jasper, I… I have to. It's the only way I can relax about the situation. Sitting here, doing nothing… It's driving me insane! I can't do this to her. Please, Jasper… Try to understand?"

I tipped my head through the door to Bella's room, taking in her sleeping form. She seemed to be shivering slightly as she slept. Even while resting, the pain of her loss was etched in to every inch of her face. I sighed in defeat.

"All right," I conceded. "She needs you too, I think. Just keep yourself calm, all right darling?"

Alice squealed in delight and victory. "When she wakes up, tell her that I will be there tomorrow! I love you," She chirped. I returned the adoration and clicked my phone shut.

I looked through the door at Bella once more. She looked slightly more peaceful than she had before – her brow had smoothed out and her fingers were no longer clenched into tight balls. I smiled softly and pulled the door towards me, leaving it ajar just a crack.

* * *

Bella slept peacefully for the first hour but, as time ticked on, her sleep became increasing restless. She began to toss from one side to the other and her hands tightened back into tiny fists. I let her be, rubbing her back as soothingly as I could without waking her, until the screams started.

One moment she was lying silently, the next, her body seemed to contort in pain. Every muscle tightened, her face pinching into an expression of agony. Her lips parted and, still sleeping, she let out a wailing cry of Edward's name. I leaned over her quickly, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her. As much as my efforts, it took a few moments to wake Bella. By the time her eyes opened, they were flooded with tears. She sat up, gasping and sobbing. I pulled her into my chest, wrapping myself around her shaking form.

"It will be all right, Bella. Shh… It will be all right." I repeated these words softly, time and time again, as I rocked her back and forth.

It would be a long journey to healing her. I was in for the long haul. But as I sat, holding her quaking body, I knew I had no other choice. I loved Bella as my own sister and I would do anything I could to help.

* * *

**There you have it! Count it as my Christmas/Hanukkah present to all of you! And what would I like for the holidays this year? A review from you, of course!**

**xoxo  
**


	38. An Explanation for My Absence

To all of my readers:

I am sorry to have to do this, especially so near the end of this story, but I really don't have a choice at this point. As of late, there was a unpleasant turn of events that involved many of my friends on FanFic, along with myself. Unfortunately, the situation got out of hand and people, myself included, ended up being emotionally bruised from it.

I _will_ finish this story – I've worked very hard to get myself to this point and I am not giving it up now. That doesn't mean, however, that I am ready to be a part of the FanFiction world again just yet. Although I tried to finish up the last couple of chapters and get them up, I just can't find it in me. I kept feeling the urge to kill off Alice in child birth and trust me, none of us want that.

In short, what I am saying is that I am taking a break. I will be back after not too long (a month or two before I update again). If you need to talk to me, feel free to toss in a review here or send me a private message. I will be checking my email, so I will get your message and I will do my best to respond.

All the same, I will not be discussing anything about this situation with anyone other than those involved. To anyone else, it should not and does not matter. It's just a series of personal events that ended up falling on my head. I am sorry that it is affecting you all, but that does not mean that I will give any more information than I already have. Thank you in advance for respecting that.

I felt like I owe you guys an explanation. You've supported me through countless trials and tribulations. I hope that, when I do return, you will all still be here with open arms.

I love you all –

Beckaboowriter


	39. Surprise!

**So, I am trying to come up with the right words to say to all of you. I feel like I should apologize for disappearing, defend my decision to leave, maybe ask for a bit of pity... But I can't seem to find the right words for any of those things. In short, I just want to say thank you to everyone who stuck by me, sent me messages or reviews filled with your concern and support, and who are still here, reading what I am saying now. It means so much to me to have a group of loyal readers like you lot - it's truly humbling. **

**Just a couple of quick thank yous as well: LittlePixieCullen88 and OverprotectiveFool. These two lovely ladies have far more faith in my and my writing than I do and carry higher opinions of me than I deserve. Thank you to both of you - I wouldn't be where I am now without your support.  
**

**Now, enough of my blabbering on. Let's get to the story! Don't forget to leave me some love at the end!  
**

* * *

**~~~ 4 Weeks Later ~~~  
**

**~~~Bella~~~**

"Mom? Hey. It's me."

Alice sat beside me, my free hand locked firmly between both of hers. I was incredibly grateful; I couldn't have handled this on my own.

"Bella! Honey, it's so good to hear from you," Renée gushed. "I'm sorry about last time I saw you – I've tried calling you. Did you get my messages? I know that your father is very sorry. He's just worried about you, that's all. You know how he can be when he is in Papa Bear mode."

My mother prattled on for a few moments. Eventually I cut in.

"Mom… Mom, I've got to tell you something." My voice was as strong as I could manage; even so, it quivered on my last few words.

I was greeted by silence.

"I'm not getting married." Renee gasp felt like a knife against me - the shock, the horror. I squeezed Alice's hand in a vice grip.

She returned the pressure. "You can do this," she murmured to me. I nodded.

"Bella! Baby, if this is because of the fight with your father, please, don't – "

"And I'm pregnant."

The words blurted from my lips before I could stop them. I cringed as I pictured the expression on my mother's face. I could only imagine the disappointment. She had married young and had me – I knew that she always regretted not waiting longer. At least she had been with Charlie. It was amazing; I had actually sunk lower than her.

"Baby…" Her voice was thick. "Baby… I… I love you sweetheart. I'll tell Charlie."

I nodded. Alice nudged my ribs to remind me that my mother could not actually see my face. "Ok… Thanks, Mom." We were both silent for a moment before I murmured, "Aren't you mad at me?"

Renee sighed. "It's not the ideal situation, baby. I wish you didn't have to go through this. But you will _always_ be my baby girl."

"Thanks," I muttered. "I… I've got to go."

"Ok, baby. I'll call soon."

I clicked the phone shut and turned to Alice. She gave my hand one last squeeze and cracked a grin.

"Well, shoot," She chirped. "That was easier than I thought it would be." She pecked my cheek. I couldn't help but smile in return. As I did, I could feel the pain ebb just the slightest bit around the edges.

"Come on, sweet pea," Alice chirped. "It's time to go shopping for _you_ this time. Déjà vu, huh?"

I smiled and grabbed my keys from the counter. We left my apartment, locking the door behind me. I took a deep breath. I felt the pain sear through my chest but, looking down at my stomach, I pushed past it. I had to be strong for my baby. And with those around me, I thought that I just might be able to make it through.

**~~~ 3 Months Later ~~~**

"Hurry up, you slow poke! It's going to be the _perfect_ party! Stop dragging. Rosalie is going to crash my phone by overloading its inbox if we don't get there soon. She's getting impatient," Alice hollered over her shoulder to me.

I scowled and clattered my way forward. "Well," I snarled. "Maybe if you hadn't forced me to wear these damn heels, it wouldn't be an issue."

Alice laughed freely. "It's my party! I get to decide what you wear."

"What's it even matter? As you said, it's _your_ baby shower. Why have I got to be all dressed up?"

"Because that's part of it. Now come on, preggers. Get a move on."

She had reached the elevator and was holding the door back, waiting for me to slog my way on. I grumbled as I wiggled past her. My slight bump looked miniscule in comparison to the giant belly that Alice was currently toting with her. I rolled my eyes as I glanced at her feet.

4-inch heels. I couldn't move in those on a good day, much less a pregnant one. I shook my head, narrowing my eyes and I glanced at my more moderate 2-½ inches.

Alice wrinkled her face and stuck her tongue out at me. "Let's hope that this daughter of yours has a better attitude towards clothes. I'm her auntie, so I get some rights."

"How are you her auntie? You have _no_ rights," I joked.

"Please. Edward is still my brother. Can't change the facts, honey." Despite her joking manner, the pain caused by her words seared through me like a white-hot iron.

I gasped slightly. Alice's eyes widened and she clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Bella, I… I'm sorry. I didn't meant to – "

"Forget it," I snapped. I wasn't angry, but the pain coursing through me added an edge to my voice.

"Bella…"

"Just stop, Alice, would you? I said forget it." My voice was harsh as I lashed out at her. From the corner of my suddenly burning eyes, I saw Alice retract from me. Guilt washed over me as the doors of the elevator clanked open, leading to Alice and Jasper's apartment floor.

"Alli, I'm sorry," I mumbled. She grasped my hand and smiled.

"I thought you were doing better with it," she asked. I nodded.

"I am. I'm here, aren't I? Day to day, it's not as bad. I've got someone to work each day for. But it still hurts. I don't think it will ever _not _hurt." Alice furrowed her brow as she listened.

"But I've got this little one." I placed my free hand over my stomach. "It's like… she is an antidote to it. Not necessarily a cure – the pain doesn't leave – she just makes it possible for me to focus on something other than the pain. When things are… bad, I remind myself that my daughter is in there. That I've got something to live for. And it reminds me that it was real. I wish it had never ended, but if it weren't for my child, I might not have believed that someone like him ever existed in my universe."

My voice was shaking with the effort it took to say these words, but I could feel the imaginary bands around my chest loosen as tension drained out of me.

Alice smiled again. "Come on, shortie," I said, pulling her towards the apartment. I swung the door open and we walked in.

I froze. For a moment, I stared at the room; the decoration colors were split straight down the middle. On one half, pale blue coated every inch of the walls and a cheerful sign read, "Congratulations, Alice and Son!" On the other half, everything was identically decorated, but with pink. The sign had my name instead and the word "daughter" seemed to burst off of the paper. I turned in shock towards Alice.

"What… What's going on?" I was grinning and blushing, surprised and embarrassed.

"I figured that, since one baby shower was already happening, we might as well toss yours in as well! And really, Bella, did you expect me to not tell them that you were having a girl? You should have known…"

I squeezed Alice tightly before turning to look at Rosalie, Esme and Angela (a friend from my work place). Scattered amongst them were some of the favorite employees from Alice and Rosalie's shop.

Esme scurried forward and hugged me. "I've got one more surprise for you." She grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face the door that I had just come through. It opened and, as I took in the figure I front of me, I felt my eyes beginning to tear up.

"Mom…" I choked out.

My mother smiled widely and opened her arms. I rushed forward and embraced her tightly, fighting to keep my tears at bay. Alice would kill me if I ruined the make up she had done. My mom's arms wrapped around me, holding me together. I pulled away from her, keeping one arm around her waist, and turned to look at the rest of the guests.

"Thank you, everyone." My voice was thick. I cleared it quietly. "I don't know what to say… Just, thanks. It really means a lot to me."

I glanced at Rosalie; she winked and grinned broadly. I smiled back and, for the first time in months, it felt genuine.

The party was great. Rosalie had done most of the planning, along with Esme and my mother. Both Alice and I were loaded with piles of baby supplies, in pink and blue respectively. I was standing off to the side with Rosalie, a glass of punch in my hand. I took a sip and glanced at her.

"Does Emmett know," I asked. Rosalie sighed and smiled.

"Yes," she conceded. "I know I wasn't supposed to tell him, but I felt awful for lying. He's always been a softy for you and I knew that he would want to know. He was furious about Edward, though. It was all I could do to keep him from driving over there and ripping his head off… or other things."

I snorted lightly with laughter. "I'm surprised he didn't, honestly. Or at least tell him. I mean, they are brothers, after all. Shouldn't he have some sort of family loyalty or something?"

"He does. Emmett loves his family more than anything but, to him, you're part of that family. That wont change, no matter what shit Edward pulls. He supports you, no matter what you decide, even if he doesn't agree with it."

I could feel my heart swell with appreciation for Emmett's simple, kind-hearted way of thinking.

"He thinks I should tell Edward, though?" I was internally praising myself for not allowing my voice to shake as I spoke. It was the little battles that won the war, after all.

Rosalie sighed again. "You know Emmett. He just wants people to be happy. I think that he feels that you and Edward would both be happier with this resolved."

I nodded in silence, not trusting myself to make a calm response.

"Tell him I appreciate it," I finally said. "His support. And that I miss him. I should come by sometime."

I glanced at Rosalie. Her eyes were swimming with concern and resignation. "I will," she murmured. "And I'm sure that he misses you as well."

The party ticked on, filled with sweet party games and patches of time filled with Alice and I alternating on opening gifts. It was all cheerful and fun – I found myself smiling more than I had in weeks.

As the festivities wore on, however, I began to notice Alice cringing from time to time. I yanked her to the side on a moment of calm during the party.

"Al, are you all right?" My voice was edged with concern as I watched her face contort in pain slightly.

She nodded. "I… I think so. It…." Her voice cut off as another wave of pain crumpled her face into a grimace. "It hurts."

"Esme!" I called. Alice's mother hurried over and, after a few moments of interrogation, yanked Alice over to the nearest chair. Alice's eyes had gone wide with worry as she took in her mother's harried expression.

"Mom?" She asked softly. Esme didn't respond, taking out her cell phone instead. I reached down and silently took her hand. I was beginning to realize what was going on and I could feel my heart thundering in my chest.

Esme has taken out her cell phone and was dialing Jasper when Alice spoke again.

"Mom, what's going on?"

Esme finally turned to face Alice, a smile tweaking at her lips.

"Alice, honey," Esme said softly, brushing a soothing hand over Alice's cheek. "I think you're going into labor."

Alice's eyes were practically saucer plates as they flitted between her mother and myself. I sincerely doubted that this was what Alice had in mind when she said that it would be the perfect party.

Oh shit.

* * *

**So? What did you think? Let me know by sending me a review! Reviews make me do happy dances - and let's face it. Who _doesn't_ want to see Beckaboo's amazing dance skills? **

**xoxo  
**


	40. Labor Pains

**I would be lying if I said that I expect any response from this chapter. One, it's short. Two, I haven't posted a single thing in months. All I can say is that I am sorry. I hope you forgive me. I hope you're still here in general. If you are, read along, review, and please don't be to mean to me! I still love you all dearly. Life has just gotten away from me.  
**

* * *

**~Bella~**

Alice made it to the hospital without drama and Jasper was there within minutes of our arrival. According to the nurse, the labor was progressing quickly, but these words didn't seem to comfort Alice too much. Jasper had one of Alice's hands clasped in his; her nails dug against his palm with each contraction. I winced as I watched her head tip back and heard her moan in pain. In a matter of months, that would be me. I shivered at the thought.

**~Jasper~**

"Come on, honey. You can do it," I murmured in Alice's ear as her nails once more created crescent shapes on my palm. Her face turned towards mine for a moment, contorted in pain.

"Fuck you," she snarled. Rosalie snorted lightly behind me. "This is _your fault._"

I figured it was best to keep my mouth shut and not respond to that. I merely squeezed her hand tighter as she groaned in pain once more.

The nurses were right; the birth was going quickly. Within three hours, it was time for Alice to start pushing. The entire family had been called in. Carlisle, Emmett and Edward were due to be there within minutes. Sparing a moment away from my wife, I glanced at Bella and gave a reassuring smile. My heart clenched thinking about her being around Edward. She deserved to be treated so much better.

**~Bella~**

Everyone except Jasper and Esme left the room, deciding to wait it out in the lobby with the rest of the clan. My heart hammered at the thought of seeing Edward. I didn't know if he was here yet or not; it didn't matter one way or the other, truthfully. I knew I would see him before the night was over. Would he notice my stomach? How could he not? What would I tell him? I was suddenly longing for a baggy sweater to hide in as opposed to the fitted dress Alice had shoved me into a few hours ago. I glanced at Rosalie and she clasped my hand, seeming to understand my silent worries.

"It'll be fine," she promised. "I'll stick by you the whole time. I promise."

I shook my head as we reached the end of the hallway. He was through that door; I couldn't do this.

"Rosalie…" I stammered, trying to find words that would somehow excuse me from the situation. She turned to me and silently embraced my swollen body with her arms. She kissed me sweetly on the cheek.

"I know," she said. She took my hand and moved me to the door. It swung open and we stepped through. My breath caught and I could feel a pounding in my head as Edward looked up. His eyes scanned over my body. I could feel panic rising inside of me.

_Oh God help me… Please… _I begged silently.

Our eyes met. His were filled with shock and fury. Without a word, I wretched my hand away from Rosalie, crossed the room, and exited. I could feel his eyes follow me as I passed him.

My stomach was churning and tears swimming in my eyes by the time I reached the front door of the hospital. Shaking from head to foot, I sank onto the curb of the small wall lining the path. This must be what hell feels like.

* * *

**There we have it. Bella/Edward confrontation coming up next! Leave me a word of love... or hate?**

**xoxo**


	41. Looking Forward

~Bella~

Anger. That's what I had seen in his eyes. How did he have the right to be angry with me? I had done nothing to deserve his treatment of me. Was he upset that I was there at the hospital? I was just as close, if not closer, to Alice as he was; I had every right in the world to be a part of this.

"Shit," I muttered. I was seated low on the wall, my arms crossed over my knees. I let my head drop to rest on them for a moment.

Pain swirled up inside of me. To see Edward, someone so dear to me, look at me with that sort of resentment was unbearable. It confirmed all my worst fears; that I was unlovable, unwanted, and worthless.

He hated me. How could he hate me? After everything we had been through together, how could one mistake on my part cause him to lose any of the love he had once felt? The tears were building up in my eyes once more.

_No_. _No more crying._ I stood up quickly and, as I did, a rush of anger filled me. I had tried so hard to make everything work. He had been too damn stubborn to realize that _he_ was the one I wanted, the one I loved. He had ruined everything. He had ruined me. The bitterness of the situation struck me as my anger continued to grow. I let out an exasperated scream.

"Damn him!"

Taking aim at the brick wall I had previously been seated on, I kicked out my foot, successfully scuffing the shoe Alice had forced me into. She would kill me for it if she saw, but I didn't much care at the moment.

Rage was filling my body with a new strength. For the first time in months, I didn't feel like I was mourning my loss of Edward, but instead realizing how much he had caused me to lose. I was done putting up with that. I was done putting up with him.

Resolving to come visit Alice later, not being able to stand staying in the same vicinity as Edward, I turned away from the building and began to walk down the path. I heard a door open behind me but I didn't turn back to look.

"Bella!"

Edward. My heart pounded frantically for a split second. I hated myself for still having that reaction to hearing his voice say my name. _Stay strong_, I told myself. Turning around, I met Edward's glinting eyes.

"Bella, I…" He trailed off and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I think we should talk about what's happening."

I willed the anger that had built to stay with me. If it did, I knew I could make it through this without breaking down. No more tears. I would never let him see me cry again.

"What is there to talk about, Edward? You made your decision. That's it."

He paused for a moment; the intensity with which his eyes bored into mine was making me uncomfortable but I couldn't bring myself to tear mine away. What looked like pain flashed on his face for a moment; the smallest part of my heart ached in response. But I couldn't focus on his pain. I had to keep myself together. I had to focus on my daughter.

"Bella, please. We both know what I am talking about. Things aren't right between us, and you clearly need me right now."

I laughed harshly. "_Need_ you? I don't need you Edward, especially not now."

I was seething, my hands shaking; words tumbled out of my mouth without thought.

"What I _need_, Edward, is for you not to be an arrogant jackass. What I _need_ is for you to not have ruined everything! What I _need_ for you to go back to the beautiful, kind man that I once loved!

"This," I reached down and placed a hand on my stomach. "This is our baby, Edward. Our daughter. What she needed was a family, a real family. One that has two parents who love each other. That's what I want for her. But the thing is, you can never create that. You and I… we're too broken. Everything has gone to hell. And I know that I messed up! I get that. But you had no right to act the way you did. You tore everything apart because of your own insecurity-driven assumptions.

"Edward, you hurt me beyond measure but I made it through. I realized I was carrying your child and you weren't there, but I survived that too. I've been surviving just fine for almost five months. And you still think that I _need_ you? I don't need anyone, Edward. It's you that needs help. You need me. Admit it."

His face was frozen in shock. I waited but he didn't speak.

"Pathetic. Even now, you still can't admit that you are the one who is less than perfect." I shook my head and started to turn away. His hand flew out and caught my wrist, yanking me back. I yelped and tried to free myself from his crushing grasp.

"Bella… Please, wait. We can talk about this."

I tugged at my arm, trying to free myself.

"We can work things out, Bella."

"Let go of me," I snarled.

"We can fix… us."

He was inches from me, his lips within reach, his eyes locked onto mine. My heart was racing… We could fix things. I could say yes, comply, and go back to him…

Slowly, I shook my head.

"No," I whispered. "We can't. That's the difference, Edward. I don't want to fix things anymore. I'm done. _We_ are done."

Edward's mouth opened and shut. His grip slackened and I slipped my arm out. I took a step back and let my eyes rake over him for a moment, memorizing this moment. I denied that I felt regret as I watched his eyes go blank.

"You'll be able to see her, if you want to. I wont take that away from you," I murmured.

He nodded slightly, his eyes focused on the ground. For the first time, things actually felt resolved. I knew we were done and I no longer was wishing that they weren't. Taking a deep breath, I turned and walked away from the unmoving figure I left behind me. For the first time in years, I felt free. I would never feel insufficient again – I no longer had to worry about being compared to Edward. I resolved that from that day forward, I would never look back. My new life was beginning and I embraced it with open arms.

~Alice~

My body sank back in relief, shaking. My abdomen was aching and my hand was cramping from the continued grip I had clasped Jasper's with. But my mind didn't focus on any of this. It was that sound…

My eyes followed relentlessly, staring in awe at the perfect, crying child the nurse now held. I wanted to hold him; it was frustrating as I watched the doctor nurse measure and weigh him. My arms were tightening in my anticipation.

_Please… please, let me hold him._

"Seven pounds, eight ounces," she called out. "And… 20 inches." He was big.

I grinned as they wrapped my baby into a blanket. Carefully, the nurse carried the squirming, screaming bundle to me and placed him into my arms. I exhaled a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

Jasper was crouching beside me, an arm wrapping around my shoulders. The squirming bundle in my arms mesmerized him.

He was perfect. A layer of blond curls twisted across his head, crowing a face that was dominated by large, deep blue eyes – my eyes. Jasper leaned over and kissed his head and then mine. Henry Colton Whitlock. He was perfect.

I couldn't be happier.

_**~The End~**_


	42. Explanation of The End

To my dear readers,

As I am sure you saw in the last chapter I posted, I said that it was the end of the story. I am calling that the end of the story because it is the closest I could come to a conclusion. I, for the longest time, planned on writing a sequel, continuing the story of Bella and Edward, but I don't know if that is ever going to happen. I am ending the story there because I felt that it tied as many loose ends as I could. I want to carry out my plan for the rest of the story, I really do. I will eventually. It is going to be slow going, just as these past few chapters were.

I'm sorry that I let you all down like this. It was never my intention to end it like this. I am so sorry. Forgive me? I have a plan for a sequel and it will be written eventually - that is the only comfort I can give. I hope that you found the end of this story to be satisfactory. I didn't know what else to do with it. Again, I am sorry.

I love you all. The amount of support and forgiveness you have offered to me over the past couple of years is incredible and will never be forgotten. I ask for that same forgiveness once more, here and now. I will always continue to be a part of this community and will always be here to support you all through anything you might be struggling with.

xoxo,

beckaboowriter


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